I hear ya man. Not crazy at all and I convinced myself of the same thing. Which really was the reason for my bad time last week. However, even though I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, she has shown no signs of turning around. Zero. So will she have regrets...probably some at some point if she hasn't already. I think it is nearly impossible to go through this process and not but will it be enough for her to actually stand up and say "I want to try"...I REALLY doubt it. Mostly because of who she is more than anything else. She wasn't strong enough to stand up during our M what should make me think she'd be strong enough now or in the future to stand up for it.
But my point is...for me...I want to get myself to the point where I hope she doesn't have regrets instead of hoping or thinking she will. I feel like once I'm to the point of moving on and hoping she can do the same without looking back is when I'll know that I simply do not want this M anymore and that is somewhere I need to get myself becuase that is the reality of this situation.
swashy,
What you are writing is true. I have heard several people recommend that IF that day comes, you take it VERY slow and seek couples counseling as a part of the reuniting process.
Could you check out this e-mail I sent to my ex-W and post your thoughts in that thread?
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 08/20/0705:50 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Will do RMG! Yeah, there was a time where I would have jumped right back in. NO WAY now.
HS - yeah, my W cried in front of me all the time. She was VERY unhappy and depressed. I asked and asked and asked...but she never said it had anything to do with me. A while before the bomb she had started going to her C and I at one point asked if she ever talked about me..."a little bit" was her response. I was stunned...but didn't press because I felt like that was her space with her C.
I think that is a big one. Perhaps, if we had all even thought it could happen, we could've prevented a lot of sh!t. Perhaps not. We will never know for sure. But, I do believe it myself.
Agree 100%. I think that when you stand on that alter and say those vows...it becomes very easy to take that for granted. "We're married, it is for the rest of our lives"...and then not put the effort in that is needed.
Agree 100%. I think that when you stand on that alter and say those vows...it becomes very easy to take that for granted. "We're married, it is for the rest of our lives"...and then not put the effort in that is needed.
swashy,
Hold on! In my case, could I have put more into it? YES! However, I saw no big issues. I even told friends several times with ex-W standing there how great our marriage was. Yet, she NEVER pulled me aside later to discuss it. How is that my fault?
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I'm not saying I'm the only one that took our M for granted - she did too. I'm saying that when you say your vows..it is supposed to be forever and that tends to open the door to taking things for granted. Big mistake on the part of anyone who does that. A marriage takes constant work. I trusted my W 100%. Not sure I will ever trust anyone 100% again...and that may not be a bad thing.
RMG - you say that you didn't see any big issues...but apparently there were or you would not be here. Does that excuse her from not telling you how she felt? Of course not but you obviously missed something too. I think we all did. It's a two way street. And in your email to her, you point out things you missed and did wrong.
I'm not saying I'm the only one that took our M for granted - she did too. I'm saying that when you say your vows..it is supposed to be forever and that tends to open the door to taking things for granted. Big mistake on the part of anyone who does that. A marriage takes constant work. I trusted my W 100%. Not sure I will ever trust anyone 100% again...and that may not be a bad thing.
RMG - you say that you didn't see any big issues...but apparently there were or you would not be here. Does that excuse her from not telling you how she felt? Of course not but you obviously missed something too. I think we all did. It's a two way street. And in your email to her, you point out things you missed and did wrong.
swashy,
You are right. I did "man up" and tell her what I missed. However, this is in hindsight. If she had pointed those out to me and REALLY shared how badly she was feeling, I would have done whatever it took to make it right. I love her way too much to ignore her. She actually thought I simply did not care. The truth is I really did not know.
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 08/20/0707:10 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
