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Originally Posted By: swashy
Which was a solid choice RMG. I've said it time and time again on here, we are defined by the choices we make. And ususally, the hard choice is the right choice.


swashy,

Amen to that! I am glad I took the "high road" there. I have nothing to be ashamed of unlike my ex-W who walked away from our M, dated, and had an EA/PA before we were divorced. I will not look back and regret my actions. That is her lot.

RMG


"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"

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Oh, don't get me wrong HS. I know that I helped us get here. Totally understand that. However it was her responsiblity to tell me how she felt and she chose not to do that. I can't fix a problem that I don't know exists. Should I have been able to tell - maybe - but I was in denial. And that is my fault. But I firmly believe that if she had opened her mouth, we would not be getting a D. Once I did know of the problem, I did everything in my power to fix it. And I can't do more that that - so I will not have regret. She has chosen not to. Why? Because she does not want it fixed. And I beleive that she had made that decision a long, long time ago.

On the brighter side - I don't have the kids tonight but I just shot the W an email to see if I could take D6 to a baseball game tonight. Thanks julie! \:\)


Scott: 38
X: 39
M: 13yrs D: 12/12/08
S9, D8, S6
MLC/EA/PA
Bomb: 8/10/06 S: 01/07 Asked for D: 05/07 Mediation 07/07

"And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want"
- Gomez; See the World
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Hey Scott-

Haven't stopped by in a bit. glad to see things are going well and you're enjoying yourself - you're doing great! And way to step up and take the initiative on the ball game with D6 - even if it doesn't work out this time, there's always the next one.

Keep up the good work-

BTW, haven't mentioned it in a while, but I'll tell you what I'd really like to see...

MORE COWBELL.

Kev


"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."
-Confucius

"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel."
-Adm. D.G. Farragut

Kevin-38; XW-36
M-2.5, together 4
Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
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Quote:
I don't have the kids tonight but I just shot the W an email to see if I could take D6 to a baseball game


SWEET!!! Have a great time.


I matter.

Me 32
xH 33
D7, D5
BOMB 9/27/06
D final 4/3/08
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Originally Posted By: swashy
Oh, don't get me wrong HS. I know that I helped us get here. Totally understand that. However it was her responsiblity to tell me how she felt and she chose not to do that. I can't fix a problem that I don't know exists. Should I have been able to tell - maybe - but I was in denial. And that is my fault. But I firmly believe that if she had opened her mouth, we would not be getting a D. Once I did know of the problem, I did everything in my power to fix it. And I can't do more that that - so I will not have regret. She has chosen not to. Why? Because she does not want it fixed. And I beleive that she had made that decision a long, long time ago.

On the brighter side - I don't have the kids tonight but I just shot the W an email to see if I could take D6 to a baseball game tonight. Thanks julie! \:\)


feels like our WAW's are related.. \:D ahh, communication.



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Got an email back from W - she's cool with it - so I'm psyched. Should be a blast. YAY! I love hanging with her one on one. She's an amazing little girl and has been just super sweet the last couple of days. Putting her to bed last night she just kept screaming "I love my daddy". LOL Thanks again Jules. Gonna try and do something similar with S5 at some point too.

Cincy - I think all of our spouses are related. Amazing how similar all of our sitch are sometimes.

More cowbell coming right up Kev!


Scott: 38
X: 39
M: 13yrs D: 12/12/08
S9, D8, S6
MLC/EA/PA
Bomb: 8/10/06 S: 01/07 Asked for D: 05/07 Mediation 07/07

"And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want"
- Gomez; See the World
Joined: Dec 2006
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Originally Posted By: swashy
Oh, don't get me wrong HS. I know that I helped us get here. Totally understand that. However it was her responsiblity to tell me how she felt and she chose not to do that. I can't fix a problem that I don't know exists. Should I have been able to tell - maybe - but I was in denial. And that is my fault. But I firmly believe that if she had opened her mouth, we would not be getting a D. Once I did know of the problem, I did everything in my power to fix it. And I can't do more that that - so I will not have regret. She has chosen not to. Why? Because she does not want it fixed. And I beleive that she had made that decision a long, long time ago.


swashy,

That is EXACTLY the same as my sitch. I wanted to do ANYTHING to make it work. She said she thought about leaving three years earlier. Why did she not tell me that DIRECTLY THREE YEARS AGO? HELLO!

I will write it again. I believe MANY of our WASs will regret what they have done... I feel blessed that I can sleep peacefully and get up an look at myself in the mirror knowing I have no regrets. The WASs are left to ponder "What if I had....." for the rest of their lives.

In my case, I believe God will bless me with a thriving business and a happy life. I also believe my ex-W will look at me and wish she had given our M a chance. By then, I may have sorted through all the ladies I am dating and found one to date seriously. At this point, I am in no rush to jump into anything

RMG


"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"

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Exactly RMG. As a buddy of mine says, it is not whether or not you screw up, it is what you do to fix it if you do. My W was just not in a place where she felt like she could tell me I guess. That's a shame because the day she stood on that alter, she took on that responsiblity...so she fell down on that...but not much I can do about it now. And I fell down on my vows too. No doubt. We both did. So I can't sit here and put it all on her. But I never fell out of love with her and I never let hate enter my heart...although I was very unhappy. She did and that is sad.

So anyway, I was actually talking to someone the other day and they told me that they new someone who used to wish that their spouse would have regrets but now they hope they never do. I'm trying to get there myself. I think it is then that you know you have truly moved on. Funny...had a rough time last week. Feel 100% better now and feel like I am moving in this direction. I never thought that I'd be the one to take charge of this and get it done..and just told her the other day that I wouldn't...but I don't think that is out of the question anymore. I'm not there yet...but I could see it as a possiblity.

I just know that I deserve SO much more than she has or is providing to me so even if she came back...there is just no way. Not with who she is now. I can't. I can't put myself back into that situation. She would have to show SO much change and she is just so slow to change...I just don't really see how it would ever be possible at this point. So as I accept that I guess I'm starting to realize that there is no reason not to roll up my sleeves and just end it. What am I holding off for really? Nothing. Again, not there yet..this is a process for me...but I do see the posiblity of that happening at some point.


Scott: 38
X: 39
M: 13yrs D: 12/12/08
S9, D8, S6
MLC/EA/PA
Bomb: 8/10/06 S: 01/07 Asked for D: 05/07 Mediation 07/07

"And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want"
- Gomez; See the World
Joined: Dec 2006
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Originally Posted By: swashy
Exactly RMG. As a buddy of mine says, it is not whether or not you screw up, it is what you do to fix it if you do. My W was just not in a place where she felt like she could tell me I guess. That's a shame because the day she stood on that alter, she took on that responsiblity...so she fell down on that...but not much I can do about it now. And I fell down on my vows too. No doubt. We both did. So I can't sit here and put it all on her. But I never fell out of love with her and I never let hate enter my heart...although I was very unhappy. She did and that is sad.

So anyway, I was actually talking to someone the other day and they told me that they new someone who used to wish that their spouse would have regrets but now they hope they never do. I'm trying to get there myself. I think it is then that you know you have truly moved on. Funny...had a rough time last week. Feel 100% better now and feel like I am moving in this direction. I never thought that I'd be the one to take charge of this and get it done..and just told her the other day that I wouldn't...but I don't think that is out of the question anymore. I'm not there yet...but I could see it as a possiblity.

I just know that I deserve SO much more than she has or is providing to me so even if she came back...there is just no way. Not with who she is now. I can't. I can't put myself back into that situation. She would have to show SO much change and she is just so slow to change...I just don't really see how it would ever be possible at this point. So as I accept that I guess I'm starting to realize that there is no reason not to roll up my sleeves and just end it. What am I holding off for really? Nothing. Again, not there yet..this is a process for me...but I do see the posiblity of that happening at some point.


swashy,

Your buddy is VERY wise. I could not have said it better.

This may sound crazy... But, here goes... I really feel deep down my ex-W will want to pursue our relationship in the future. I think she will have lucidity and remember the man I really am. NOT what she projected on me. I think if nothing else she will be curious to see what she is missing. I am not focusing on this. I am moving on with my life and other women. If this comes to pass, I will deal with it then.

RMG


"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"

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swashy Offline OP
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I hear ya man. Not crazy at all and I convinced myself of the same thing. Which really was the reason for my bad time last week. However, even though I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, she has shown no signs of turning around. Zero. So will she have regrets...probably some at some point if she hasn't already. I think it is nearly impossible to go through this process and not but will it be enough for her to actually stand up and say "I want to try"...I REALLY doubt it. Mostly because of who she is more than anything else. She wasn't strong enough to stand up during our M what should make me think she'd be strong enough now or in the future to stand up for it.

But my point is...for me...I want to get myself to the point where I hope she doesn't have regrets instead of hoping or thinking she will. I feel like once I'm to the point of moving on and hoping she can do the same without looking back is when I'll know that I simply do not want this M anymore and that is somewhere I need to get myself becuase that is the reality of this situation.


Scott: 38
X: 39
M: 13yrs D: 12/12/08
S9, D8, S6
MLC/EA/PA
Bomb: 8/10/06 S: 01/07 Asked for D: 05/07 Mediation 07/07

"And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want"
- Gomez; See the World
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