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BeingMe #1041617 05/05/07 06:02 PM
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I agree with being me..but..it happens. I saw a doc in the changing room in tears..years ago...during a D process....found out the W didn't invite him to his D's birthday.

Stay strong.

FIB


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
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Jeff, I am not completely up to date with yout situation. How often do you see your kids now? What are the terms of your separation at the time?

Neli


*******************************
Both: 33
Together 13y; Married 8y
Kids: DD8 and DS5
Separated: 08/31/06
D Filed: 2/21/07

my current story
neli #1041966 05/06/07 11:25 AM
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(((((Jeff)))))
I don't have any useful advice to add, but I'm just amazed your STBXW is still hitting you. How much anger and hatred is she holding on to? I still feel so sorry for her, she's a mess.

I hope common sense prevails and you do get to see your children regularly. I wish there was something I could do or say to help \:\(


Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05
Seperated Sept/Oct 05
Oct 06 - H recomitted
July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Jen_Jam #1042191 05/06/07 08:43 PM
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Jeff,

I am so disappointed in your W's selfish behaviour. This is absurd. After all the time and effort that you put into those plans, I can't believe that she would dismiss them out of hand. Where I live, even though I will have full custody, we MUST make ALL decisions re. the kids together - even down to daycamps and afterschool acitivities! Of course, they can sleep over at his GF's apt every w/e, but that's another story.

You may find that in the year + it takes to get a court date, things will calm down enough for the two of you to be able to come to an agreement. I hope so.

~ Nicola


Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself
My thread: Trusting God's Plan
neli #1042556 05/07/07 01:57 PM
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I get the kids every Thurs and every other Fri - Sun; 10 days out of 30. We alternate holidays and I get them more in the summer so it works out to about 40/60. This is ordered by the court for every pending D; it was not worked out between W and I.

I want to say 40/60 sucks.

But it was worse here not very long ago: every other Fri and Sat - 4 days a month. But the "father lobby" has had an effect since the judges are elected. The judge I got is as pro-dad as I could get. He is responsible for this new "visiting" schedule and he talks to father's groups. But the woman is still in the driver's seat. I love the term "visitation" BTW, makes me feel like an empowered father.

As WCW points out I effectively moved out twice so now my chances of getting anything other than this schedule are slim. My lawyer says the judge likes to award 50/50 if he can so he can show pro-dad groups a record at election time. However, a judge will normally do what the children have been doing if there has been no ill effects. So, if the kids have been on this schedule for a year and the kids are doing okay (and that is true, W is not a bad mom in the legal sense) the judge will say why change it. This is a safe legal position for him as it is best not to impact the kids.

It sucks.

So, I was willing to basically accept this schedule if she would agree to minor changes and some clauses in the parenting plan to ensure just b/c it is 40/60 I am still a parent - not a "visitor" (joint legal custody is not a given here either). This judge did issue some parenting provisions but they are not all inclusive. I wanted more protection so I do not have to take her back to court each time we disagree. But she tossed it back in my face. Like I said - she is in the driver's seat. Do I spend $15,000 to $25,000 on a trial or just accept the fact I am screwed?

It sucks.

Can I move back in? My W would file to get me removed and I would be tossed out faster than rotting fish. I have been gone a year. It matters not I did it for her and the kids (okay, I also did it to try to get her to reconsider). She will claim I abandoned her.

I gambled and lost.

I feel screwed and very angry again. Not a nice feeling. But that is how it has been lately. Screwed and life sucks. Bend over Jeff. SMACK!!!

Thank you sir, may I have another?


Jeff

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Jeff223 #1042589 05/07/07 02:30 PM
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ggrrrrr
Jeff, are you giving up? are you accepting that life is not fair and just saying "oh well, I gambled and lost, stick me up the butt and put me over the fire." That is not you Jeff. Use your anger, direct it and make it a positive force for you.
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Can I move back in? My W would file to get me removed and I would be tossed out faster than rotting fish. I have been gone a year. It matters not I did it for her and the kids (okay, I also did it to try to get her to reconsider). She will claim I abandoned her.
Are those facts? Prove it to me and everyone else that those are facts and not assumptions. I don't know Alabama law, but I need proof you are correct in those statements. Then follow that one step further. What if she did file to get you removed? Do you get a chance to state why you want/need to live there? Among all the other reasons one more is that you need to save $25000 for the trial. It is YOUR place, yours before the M. What does that fact state in Alabama law?
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if the kids have been on this schedule for a year and the kids are doing okay (and that is true, W is not a bad mom in the legal sense) the judge will say why change it.
Ok, so that is why your W is keeping notes, insinuating that something is going at your apartment with the kids, ohsoconcerned about injuries - all your fault. Be careful friend. You're being a target and she is collecting ammunition.

Focus on the horizon, not the dips and holes on the way.
Stand up straight Jeff. If nothing else it makes it easier getting the rod in.


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW #1042701 05/07/07 03:53 PM
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Thanks WCW. I cannot say these are 'facts' b/c the judge can do anything he wants (that is a fact).

All I have are probabilities. My lawyer knows the judge well (he hears 75% of the D cases) and D is all my lawyer does. My lawyer said my W had a 30% chance of kicking me out last time. Now it is over 50% b/c I vacillated. So I spend several thousand to go through a preliminary hearing given these odds? No thanks.

And what happens when the kids find out mom went to court to get dad kicked out? Do you think I trust her not to tell them?

Having the house before I was married does not matter. The law states where the parties regularly use property acquired before marriage for the common benefit of the parties, it is considered joint property. Also in AL, W can be awarded 'use and possession' of the home for a period of time or for her life. I can lose the house PLUS pay her child support.

Don't think this can happen? Remember our friend AV8R? His judge gave him 14 days to clear out and he did not even move out of his house first! He lost his house and 60% of his income went to her. Check his 9/6/05 posts - he lives in the town down the road but to be fair he is in a different court district and had a different judge.
AV8R

No, I am screwed and nothing is going to change that. Giving up or facing reality? That is always a good question on this BB. Please keep me honest.


Jeff

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Jeff223 #1043765 05/08/07 03:23 AM
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I don't know Jeff, what happens when the kids find out mom went to court to kick dad out? what will mom tell the kids?

I remember AV8R well, are you in touch with him? I'd love to hear from him, know how he is doing. I still think his L was sleeping during court. How did he get to a D so fast, she filed in June/July and all over in Sept/Oct? That was a flashback to read those posts again. Maybe someday I'll have the courage to read my own again.

Check six. ;\)


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW #1043979 05/08/07 12:44 PM
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OMG JEFF.....I am reading ME in AV8R's post. You've been with me since day 1, look:

Originally Posted By: AV8R
These days when she takes a shower she locks the bathroom door. There was a time we would shower together or at least she was comfortable to shower while I was in the bathroom shaving. No more I will give her space, however.


Originally Posted By: AV8R
She has been the Ice Queen ever since, getting colder by the day. Perhaps she is distancing herself from me so she doesn't feel the guilt so badly when I'm packing to leave.


Originally Posted By: AV8R
I honestly don't see a positive outcome for our R. She has moved on emotionally and I'm just an unwelcome visitor. Unless she has a change of heart soon, I'll be moving on physically as well as emotionally.


Originally Posted By: AV8R
But it has really gotten hard to take during the last few weeks as she gets more and more distant. And I find that she misinterprets things that I say or do even more than before.


Didn't mean to hijack your thread, Jeff, but, I am going to read that old thread in depth....I am captivated by it. Who was AV8R. He seemed like a great guy. Frank


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Joined: May 2006
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Yes FIB. And I read myself too, not just b/c AV8R is from my neck of the woods. And the most disturbing thing of all is that his xW remarried 63 days after the D was final - by law here you have to wait 60 days. He did not suspect that his W was having an affair. He was DB his butt off while all the while W knew EXACTLY what she was doing to dump him after taking him to the cleaners.

No WCW, I have no contact with AV8R other than he posted to me once. He did find a lady friend and last I saw she was waiting on her own D - it take so long here. Yes, his lawyer may have been asleep at the switch but it confirms how the process here is tailored for the mom to screw the dad.

How did he get a D so quickly? She filed for a preliminary hearing to get his butt kicked out of the house. You can get a hearing within 6 to 8 weeks. After he got kicked out, AV8R settled out of court.

Like I said - do I feel I am quiting or just facing a bad reality?


Jeff

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