Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 12 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 11 12
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
Still here Jeff...we talked about this. I admire how you set your boundaries. Some would be afraid that it might make their sitch worse. I think it's very much like 'the .pdf'.

Strength and honor. FIB


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 559
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 559
Hi Jeff - I still check in from time to time and continue to be encouraged by what you have been writing here. I like your recent quote: "It sure is nice being out of the dumps. I am feeling better and better about the future."

Not much to report from my neck of the woods. I have been working full-time of late at a temp job. I got a nice email out of the blue from my ex the other day. She filled me in on how the animals have been doing, and opened up a bit more than she has in the past. I don't know what to read into it, or if there is anything more to it than just saying "hi" and keeping in touch. I still have this hope we might get together again some day but I'm not banking on it.

From what I have been reading on your posts you have a healthy and realistic outlook relative to your situation and are preparing to move on. I am also pumped to hear the continued good news regarding the health of your Mom.

Stay well and remain positive. You are an inspiration.


John S.
JohnS58 #1035810 05/01/07 04:33 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
J
Jeff223 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Hey John: Thanks for stopping by with an update.

BA: I don't believe in H'scopes that involve love - maybe latter.

FIB: hang in there.

--------------------

I am sad today. I sent W a draft settlement agreement and parenting plan. She basically rejected them: she now wants a better financial agreement over what she said before and she totally rejected the parenting provisions. Her statement about the parenting stuff essentially said: "We do not need it. I will use my judgement concerning the kids and if you disagree you can always litigate".

It is very painful to hear that your once partner does not even consider you an equal parent any longer. The kids are her life - I pity her b/c she has no other life. And to deny the kids a father as an equal co-parent? How sick.

So I guess to trial we go. Another six to nine months of this BS - we don't even have a trial date yet.

I cannot take this any longer. I so want to be done with this woman. Her response to my proposal eliminated any doubt that I should continue to try, to maintain hope, or try to *stand* any longer. I am done; DB be damned.

Time to take care of Jeff.


Jeff

Current Thread
Jeff223 #1035875 05/01/07 05:20 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,434
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,434
She's an idiot, sorry.

She doesn't get to opt out of parenting with you, unless you are like, um, a convicted felon or something.

Do you all not have lawyers? Are these negotiations passing through lawyers?

I can't believe a lawyer is telling her she can do this.

What about mediation? Most courts now order the parties to go through mediation first, especially when there are children.

I'm not sure I understand this process you all are in...

But I will say, get your emotional reaction to what she's done out of it. Don't let that drive what you do next. Her assessment of you as a parent and what rights she thinks you have aren't relevant; it's what she can prove and what the law provides for in the face of that proof.

You are still caught up in reacting to her; instead your focus needs to be on financial and parenting arrangements that are in their best interests and consistent with the parameters of local law.

BA

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
J
Jeff223 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Thanks BA.

Yes we both have lawyers but she suggested that we work up something "together" before we go through the lawyers. The theory was if we were in basic agreement then we could have our lawyers draw up the final papers and we avoid going to trial which may not be scheduled until next year. We would save time and money.

Sounded logical at the time, please don't beat me up too badly. I was done. I just want my half so I can start over - I don't want my life on hold for the rest of this year. Now I know where I stand and I have some thinking to do.

I am asked to sign away my parenting rights without a fight. But what fight? Who am I kidding: I am a man, I moved out, this is the South, mothers rule. A guy I know got a D here and he said he felt like a steer in a Chicago slaughterhouse when he got to court. He lost. No, she does not need to prove I am a felon or such - I must prove SHE is to win any concessions. Sad but true, even though my lawyer talks tough.

There is no mediation requirement here and it is seldom used. Lawyers are a powerful lobby here; more money to be had going to trials rather than mediation. And that is another reason you wait 18 months for a trial.

I am only emotional here. Believe me. No reaction to her: I did not even comment to her about her reply. Actually I am not angry - just sad and a bit frustrated. I just want to live again.


Jeff

Current Thread
Jeff223 #1035969 05/01/07 06:16 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,434
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,434
Well that truly sucks. Court ordered mediation and counseling are the best way to go, especially when there are kids.

AL has always been such a quaint, dark ages kind of place. Don't drop that net down over the whole South; [censored], Georgia even manages better than that.

And I didn't mean refrain from reacting to her; I mean it's time to take emotions entirely out of your thinking about this. Separate the TERMS of your divorce from the fact that you are getting divorced. Be emotional all you want about the end of your marriage, but as for arriving at the terms under which you go forth, no emotion there.

As we often say on the MLC threads, this is business now.

That's why, once you cross the threshold into discussing the terms of a D, you hand it over to the L and let them do the negotiating.

There may come a time when you two can sit across a table and discuss this like grown-ups, but you're not there yet.

BA

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
J
Jeff223 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Thanks again BA. Good advice. I feel better now b/c of what you said - I know I was ready to sit across from her as an adult but now I know she is not.

You are right about the South and Georgia is more progressive. I believe Gen Sherman did you a favor burning the place down. I wish he turned around and came back here and finished us too so we could start fresh.


Jeff

Current Thread
Jeff223 #1036133 05/01/07 07:43 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,986
W
WCW Offline
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,986
Temple Grandin is a lady with autism that has worked with slaughterhouses, feedlots, etc. to help ease the stress on livestock to produce better quality meat. Less stress = better quality. Good stockmanship = less stress. Rather than chutes and pens being squares and corners she suggests sweeping round curves so there is no where to get stuck. Sometimes though the livestock still end up going the wrong way no matter how easy the flow goes.
Is your W like that? Regardless of how easy you make the flow of papers and agreements and take the stress out of it she will end up going the wrong way.

I try hard to offer an opinion only if it is something I have experienced. I have experienced where you are. You need to move back to YOUR home. I know you did that last fall and didn't stay so theoretically you moved out twice. Why? She is looking for a place of her own anyway, she doesn't intend to stay there. Force the issue. She lives on Easy Street courtesy of Jeff223. Why do you allow it? Show up with your truck loaded and move back in. You bet she won't like it. You bet the kids will not understand what is going on. You bet she will have to come up with answers to some tough questions. I bet she will get more agreeable and be ready to negotiate.

She still has a hold on you Jeff. You want to be done, but you still have a fear that gives her the power. Shift that power to your advantage.

Yes. It is time to take care of Jeff.


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW #1041474 05/05/07 01:24 PM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
Jeff...I have to agree with WCW. She is right on the money. You have truly done all that you can to make this M work...to survive. Now she is taking a baseball bat to you.

As you know, recently, Alec Baldwin's cell phone call was made public. It is a HORRIBLE call that he made to her daughter who is only 12 years old. I am abhorred by it. No father should talk to their daughter that way.

But who released the phone call?
Why was the phone call released?

Although I don't support his behavior, Mr. Baldwin is currently writing a book called Parental Alienation....about how one parent withdraws the children from the other parent, puts up barriers to see them, and then destroys their character both to friends and to the kids.

Don't let that happen Jeff. I stand with WCW.

Your friend,
Frank


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 4,060
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 4,060
Unfortunately, some parents use that 'parent alienation' law when there is no alienation taking place. Such as is happening to one of our message board members, Laughing. I take everything to do with celebrities with a pinch of salt. After all, Mr. Baldwin is an actor, and he is trying really hard to come up with an excuse as to why he would say those things, or maybe he is really truthful. How can we, the public, know for sure, one way or the other (and why should we care ... sounds like they had a really explosive R, and we cannot judge). So, I say, "none of our business ... hope he works it out ... whoever released that tape was vindictive, but so was he ... poor kid!"

Just remember, Jeff, no matter what your W does, you will be okay, in the long run. Take care.


Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed.
D35,S/D twins28,D22
EA4/04 End? Who knows?
"Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Page 7 of 12 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 11 12

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard