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A Message from Michele
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Re: Moving Forward [Re: Jeff223] #1006911
04/10/07 02:27 AM
04/10/07 02:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,986
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WCW Offline
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Posts: 4,986
Thanks for the sunshine Jeff. It worked for a while today, in between the flurry of snowstorms. One of those weird as it gets days for the weather.

It is really nice to hear you sounding so good. Keep doing what you are doing, it looks good on you. ;\)


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.
Re: Moving Forward [Re: WCW] #1007299
04/10/07 02:11 PM
04/10/07 02:11 PM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
F
faithisbelieving Offline
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faithisbelieving  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
Jeff...thanks also for keeping me in your thoughts. Your life and sitch are MY blueprint for how to be a better man. I'll use your phrase here: I think you are doin' 'fahn'. You've handled your W's irrational anger well. As for your son, I'm sorry that he hurt himself. Accidents DO happen and don't for a second let the W throw guilt at you.

Strength and honor.

Frank


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Re: Moving Forward [Re: Jeff223] #1008762
04/11/07 03:37 AM
04/11/07 03:37 AM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,152
ON CANADA
I
I_Still_Love_Him Offline
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I_Still_Love_Him  Offline
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Posts: 1,152
ON CANADA
Hey Jeff,

So glad to hear you enjoyed Easter with your Mom and kids. I'm glad to see your Mom is doing better and able to enjoy her grandkids. Cherish this time with your Mom and kids. They will see the great son and father you are just as we do.

Homemade pasta? Spaghetti alla chitarra or fettucine? I haven't made it in some time because I couldn't get motivated and S-24's favourite is the spaghetti so thank you for posting this, I think I will make it the next time he comes.

I know what you mean by church being uplifting. While in church, I did shed a few tears but I think that was God cleansing me. I, too enjoyed Easter.

Thanks for the sunshine. With all the sun coming up my way between you and FIB, how can my life NOT be brighter!

We will survive!

Hugs,
ISLH


Me: 49 - S22 & S26
H: 41 - No kids
M: 10/00
Bomb New Year's Day 2006
H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07
D final 07/07
Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
Re: Moving Forward [Re: I_Still_Love_Him] #1009791
04/11/07 08:54 PM
04/11/07 08:54 PM
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,490
Canada
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princess_nic Offline
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Posts: 5,490
Canada
Hi Jeff~

Thanks for the uplifting post!

I am glad to hear that you had such a nice Easter. How wonderful to have your children with you, and to be able to do the Easter Bunny with them. Really, what a joy.

And thanks for the sunshine; I hope it will melt the snow up here, yuck.


Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself
My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Re: Moving Forward [Re: princess_nic] #1012125
04/13/07 02:37 PM
04/13/07 02:37 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Alabama
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Jeff223 Offline OP
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Jeff223  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Alabama
Drum Roll Please

This in my 1000th post! Somehow that is hard to believe. But so be it.

I continue to feel very good. Got my taxes done (I owed $$) and am finishing up the D-papers. Life is good. But I will be honest - I continue to picture my family all back together and it is hard to accept that this is a done deal. My W and I are getting along quite well lately so it is easier to stay detached. I also feel good about supporting her decision that she needs to do this.

She has problems with eye contact and is very uneasy around me - tells me she is doubting her course but she cannot change it. She is still trying to tell herself her feelings are gone. That is okay. We sat together at my son's ballgame and I was very upbeat and asked her about her life. She went on and on like old times. Never really asked about me - her focus is on her. That is also okay. At one point I moved to sit with my son (he was running the scoreboard since his hand is still in a cast) and she followed there.

I do dread getting the final D decree. I note so many of those I follow take a drop after the judge signs. I guess I still believe deep down that the nightmare will end but when the judge signs it is indeed more than a piece of paper (despite what I tell myself) - it is a death certificate of sorts. Thus we mourn all over again. I do not look forward to that.

Baseball Annie - I hope you are still lurking here. I suspected you also took a dive after the judge signed. You are so strong and that is why I fear getting that final decree. But you still on strong and you were there for me when I needed it. Sometimes we come here to vent and we just want others to say it will be okay. But other times we need that 2x4. You always seemed to know when to hit me upside the head - and while it hurt I was better for it. Thank you. Please start a thread again - I miss reading my horoscope! I also offer my email should you need it: jbg223 at knology.net

Strength and Honor all. On to my 2000th post!!!


Jeff

Current Thread
Re: Moving Forward [Re: Jeff223] #1012747
04/13/07 06:40 PM
04/13/07 06:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 210
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Lost_for_now Offline
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Originally Posted By: Jeff223

I do dread getting the final D decree. I note so many of those I follow take a drop after the judge signs. I guess I still believe deep down that the nightmare will end but when the judge signs it is indeed more than a piece of paper (despite what I tell myself) - it is a death certificate of sorts. Thus we mourn all over again. I do not look forward to that.


Hey Jeff,

You have articulated exactly what I have been so scared of for a while now. My W is steamrolling everything in her path at the moment to get the D done and over with. Like you, I fear that it is the death sentence.

OR, as I like to view it, the final rope that is cut on my hot air balloon in order for it to really start to soar!


Current thread

Me-38
W-31
No Kids
Bomb-10/10/06
She moved out very soon after, and is filing for divorce very soon.
Re: Moving Forward [Re: Lost_for_now] #1013041
04/13/07 09:12 PM
04/13/07 09:12 PM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
F
faithisbelieving Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
There must be a bug going around. I'm having a bad day too Jeff. I know how you must feel...we all do, don't we? I'm not sure what's worse....the waiting or the actual D decree.

You've done so much good here Jeff. Take solace in that. We talked about Star Trek once. Do you remember the one...where Spock goes up to Kirk while he rests his head on the desk and says, "Forget". Well, I know we wouldn't want to forget the good times, but, if we could just erase the pain.................


Strength and honor. Stay strong.

Frank


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Re: Moving Forward [Re: faithisbelieving] #1013922
04/15/07 12:57 AM
04/15/07 12:57 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 559
Western U.S.
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JohnS58 Offline
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Posts: 559
Western U.S.
Hi Jeff - Thanks for the kind words when you mentioned me in one of your recent posts. I have been a pretty infrequent visitor to these boards lately but I felt like I had to catch up on your situation. I could not help notice the irony when you mentioned that your ExW did not have a clue about the details of the financial settlement you have provided. Wasn't she the one who was always critical of your taking charge of things? No need to be bitter though. Like you said, you are being the man and are living up to your responsibilities, both financial and emotional (vis a vis both your ex and the kids). I also admire the way you have been handling your recent interactions with ExW and how much better you are doing emotionally. This is all the more remarkable because of the recent stress involving your Mom's illness. Like your friend noted, you have had to deal with more simultaneous crisis' than most of us had to bear, and you came through with flying colors. By the way, you mentioned in a recent post the IamTJ was having a rough time recently. I will try to find his latest posts and reconnect. He was always rock solid in his support and I hope he is able to cope with his difficulties.


John S.
Re: Moving Forward [Re: Jeff223] #1014433
04/15/07 06:24 PM
04/15/07 06:24 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,434
BaseballAnnie Offline
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Posts: 4,434
Hey, Boo, I am around.

Things are weird for me right now, but I am just trying to push on through. Have the last of the things to divide and conquer, last of the issues to be resolved before this mess is all put to bed. I am really out of energy dealing with this post-divorce crap and tired of having to invest so much into getting this marriage dissolved when this was not of my making, but alas, this is where I find myself.

In the meantime, met a nice man, with whom I had much in common. We shared alot of personal information, confided feelings and thoughts in one another. He never pushed it in the direction of a "romance", for which I was grateful, because I realized I wasn't yet ready, nonetheless we had gotten close. But over time, those feelings of not being ready and not wanting to mislead, together with a nagging voice saying something is not what it seems with him, compelled me to pull away. Lo and behold, in the course of a very emotional and angst ridden conversation on his part in which he was questioning my pulling away, he finally came clean and admitted that for the last 6 months he has conveniently failed to make any mention of the wife he has...but he "didn't lie to me" doncha know?

So, no offense to present company, but I am pretty well convinced that the last decent man on earth is my dad. Or Lissett's. But that's the extent of it. The well has been tapped.

Again, not that it matters, cause I'm not ready, but it's a pisser nonetheless to think all guys are either MLC's in progress or fixin to.

As to your question about a sinking spell post execution of the decree, I probably had one of those, but it didn't hit me as hard as I thought it would. Maybe it's still out there waiting to smack me in the head. I did have several friends who said, "let's celebrate!" and I politely declined and said, "I'm not exactly there yet."

The harder thing for me, which you guys don't ever have to endure, has been changing my name back. I struggle with saying my maiden name, with writing it. And every time I have some conflict arise because of it, like cashing a check say, I teeter on the brink of a meltdown. The other day at the bank, I looked at a teller who was questioning my right to deposit a check in my former name, and SNAPPED MY FINGERS, right in front of her face, and said, "Lady, when you get divorced, these things just don't change over JUST LIKE THAT."

Take a drop?

Oh baby, there are drops and there are drops...

You just deal with it as best you can.

You'll be fine.

You don't want to hear our horoscope for today, Boo, it's all about compassion, forgiveness, letting bygones be bygones.

So not in the mood for that.

kisses,
BA


"Go where your best prayers take you." -- Frederick Buechner
Re: Moving Forward [Re: BaseballAnnie] #1014720
04/16/07 12:17 AM
04/16/07 12:17 AM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
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faithisbelieving Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
Sigh.

FIB


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
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