Hi Kaw! I've been following your thread and I see that you go back and forth with your W. I know how frustrating it can be. My H and I have been doing this for over 2 yrs. Like your W, when he's good, he's really good, and then well, um let's just say I wonder if I'm crazy to keep doing this with him. He's come back and I've thought ok ,we're on our way, and then he distances and I think, this time it's over. He's going to the OW and will D me. He's never said anything about D, but the threat of it is forever on my mind, and I wonder how long this can go on. My H is not bi-polar (that I know of) so that is not the reason. I could say it's midlife, but I'm not even sure of that. I just know this pattern persists, and I'm at a loss of how to break it. You've had to have an emormous amount of patience and stamina to withstand all you've been through, and I wonder if you can advise me through yet another break-away from H. He's distancing again, and I was wondering what do you do when CAW does this? Do you back off? He's not living at home, but we've been together for the last few months and he had been telling me he loves me and wants us and our family and now he's stopped with the ILU's and rarely emails me and even told me the other day he does not feel close to me at all. HUH??? In the past if I "went dark" we just did not see each other and he did not initiate any contact. When I make plans for us-he almost always says yes, and it seems to work to bring us closer. Now, we do things because I make plans and he is cordial, but the tenderness is not there-the spark is not there. Last night I was in a really bad place and let alot of steam out on Tal's and Sage's threads. It's from all the built up frustration of going through this over and over and not knowing what I should really do. Before the bomb, he was the most loyal, reliable, trustworthy H you could imagine. Everyone (especially me) was astounded over this turn of events. He says he does not want the OW and says he has had no contact with her. He's lied before about that. If he really wanted her wouldn't he have left me for her by now? (I mean REALLY left me, as in D) I've made a pact with myself to STOP doing two things. 1. Stop initiating all R talks. 2. NEVER mention the OW to him. I start out good when we first get back together and then my insecurities get the better of me. I've thought that talking my feeling through with him would only serve to draw us closer, but I realize now how detrimantal my actions have been. He leaves, but he always comes back. He loves me and then he doesn't know. He wants to be around me,then he doesn't. How familiar does all this sound? Besides stopping the 2 no-no's, what else do you think might help turn things around? I'm hoping that we don't have to go full circle again this time-that my changes are in enough time to start to swing the pendulum back in my direction. What do you think Kaw? Rachael
Hi Kaw..glad to hear your latest...and it seems like things are going ok..as long as it works for you...it must drive you nuts when Caw is so hot and cold..
I envy you guys that have your s at home..that in itself is a positive..she does seem to want to be with you..she iniates closeness with you, but for whatever reason can't seem to keep it all going long term...I don't know much about bipolar, but it sounds like it plays with the emotions and actions of the person..to a point that they really don't even know it..
Looks like I'll have a quiet couple of days here at work before Christmas to give me a chance to catch up a little...
As I said earlier ... when its good ... its very good!
While no ILY's just yet last week I did get a "I know I'm a pain and I want to thank you for loving me."
... and altho its that time of year that marks the start of CAW's winter blues and she still continues to sound like Scrooge, it seems to be only lip service. Most of the time she's upbeat and even perky at times and is being very warm and affectionate.
She bought a gingerbread house (something she said she always wanted to do) and we all had a hand in putting it together over the weekend.
... and altho a month ago she said she wasn't gonna do any Christmas shopping this year, Friday nite she asked if she could go out on her own Saturday to shop. By her mannerism, I still sense she has a hard time asking to go out on her own. I've been trying to make it easier and this time took another step futher in saying great and it gives me a chance to go over to D18's and haul that chair she wanted me to and I called. Well, D18 never called back, so Saturday morning I told CAW I would take D10 out shopping too, but don't worry we won't cross paths. I wasn't gonna go to the local mall, but D10 had something in mind to buy for Mom that only could be purchased at this one particular store in the mall. So we went. While waiting in line for the cashier, I got a call on the cell. It was CAW asking, "Where are you?" I said at the mall. So was she but at the other end and wanted us to know that OCC was displaying their custom choppers there (of Discovery Channel fame - "American Chopper" TV series). She said come on down ... she'll wait for us. That was very cool and CAW seem to be more excited than me, then I got a nice kiss when we parted to do more shopping and D10 & I managed to get enough to fill a Santa's bag for Mom. Quite by coincidence, there was a booth in the mall selling those herbal pillows as PnB described.
Tonite, her D23 flies in to stay 'til Christmas. Her flight back is on Christmas afternoon at 3 , so it doesn't give us much time for festivities, but we'll make due. It's better than D23 not being able to come at all, but for some reason CAW seems very low key about the visit.
I started this thread with a question in hopes of understand where I'm at in this M and thru out this thread, it still has swung to extremes. This thread doesn't have much more to it and I'm wonder if I can stretch it out until I arrive at the answer?
Well enough about me now ... time to catch up on my friends here ...
Happy Holidays wishes from me to you all here on this bb.
Most of the time she's upbeat and even perky at times and is being very warm and affectionate.
, so it doesn't give us much time for festivities, but we'll make due. It's better than D23 not being able to come at all, but for some reason CAW seems very low key about the visit. 
