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#2944403 03/18/23 03:52 PM
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Me:44 W:42
M:22 T: 22-23
S:22 D:19 D:16 S:6
Confirm EA/PA: 7/22
BD/IHS: 10/22
FwdMvmnt #2944406 03/18/23 05:08 PM
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Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
Bttrfly,
Wow, that post really hit home for me. I hear about how I am talking to the disease from my sponsor all the time, I realize it and then get sucked back into my own head. This post means the world to me as does your 2x4s smile please keep them coming. I will get working on the exercise you provided me, and post my results. I do not have everything written down, but do have all text messages from her and my ring footage downloaded. I do hope it doesn’t come to that and she gets better with or without being in our marriage. I will also be purchasing the book you recommended. I know that i allow the disease to cloud my judgement and then focus on how to save a marriage instead or how to grow myself. I’ve come so far and want to keep moving forward. The good news is a healthy me, can help create a new relationship either with her or someone else down the road. I have to maintain my focus on God and my growth. Thank you again for your post. More to come.

Thank you for keeping an open mind, digging deeper and really looking at this from a different angle.

Alcoholism and Addiction are family diseases, and each person has their part in the dis-ease.

Owning your part is the only thing you have control over.

As an exercise, take all the things you've downloaded and organize them chronologically. Do this for two reasons:

1. It will help you see more objectively both your and her parts in things

2. It will be something you have in your back pocket if you ever needed to use it.

Absolutely the hardest thing to live through is living with a loved one in the grips of active addiction. Give yourself a break. As they say in the preamble of every Alanon meeting:

"living with an alcoholic is too much for most of us. Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it."

We cannot force solutions. We can only work on ourselves and our part in the family aspect of the disease.

We get to choose: live a life of recovery for ourselves and our families or continue to live a life of dysfunction, wrestling with someone else's addiction and losing every battle.

I have a lot of respect for you FM, that's why I swing the 2x4s. I know you can take it in the spirit it's meant, and grow from them.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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FwdMvmnt #2944407 03/18/23 06:36 PM
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Thanks again Bf,
I understand the concepts of al-anon, and you have really helped me see that putting more focus around the program and the principles is where I need to be. I continue to balance program and saving my marriage when it is really the program that will drive the other. I have read so many books around spirituality and have grown immensely closer God through all this. I pray for removal of defects each day, but still continue to assert my will. I have trouble separating the disease from the person and my marriage/family. I’m glad I’ve had the growth I have and look forward to continued growth. I love transparent feedback and 2x4s, hence I wish we had a live option here lol. I truly want to be the best man I can be. My GAL activities have helped, but need to ramp those up as well. Please continue to post when you can smile These posts have been very helpful to me.
Thank you,


Me:44 W:42
M:22 T: 22-23
S:22 D:19 D:16 S:6
Confirm EA/PA: 7/22
BD/IHS: 10/22
FwdMvmnt #2944418 03/19/23 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
I continue to balance program and saving my marriage when it is really the program that will drive the other.


Exactly.
Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
I have trouble separating the disease from the person and my marriage/family.

It's important to separate the two. There's your work.

Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
Please continue to post when you can smile These posts have been very helpful to me.
Thank you,

I'm glad if I've been able to help you in some small way. You are the one doing the real work. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
FwdMvmnt #2944606 03/26/23 04:19 PM
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How are things FM?


M:52 W: 51
T:27 M:25
D26 S24 S21 D20
BD:2022
FwdMvmnt #2944684 03/30/23 09:02 PM
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Hi all,
Been a bit since my last post.

Thanks for checking in on me Rock! Hope all is well with you! Will be catching up on sitches later today smile

Not much has changed with the relationship.
I have been working on myself and continue to read a ton. Had a great week with D19 in town over her spring break. Always enjoy my time with the oldest two when they visit. I continue to go to my meetings and working on bettering myself. My GAL was disrupted a bit when D was in town, but the time itself was great. I did get to take her on a motorcycle ride and grab lunch and hit a record store with her. Been an ok week.

BF,
Took your advice and read Drop the Rock, thank you for that recommendation. It really helped me with my willingness and gave me a much deeper look into steps 6 and 7. I continue to pray for his will and to remove my shortcomings daily. I also started the exercise of definitions and prayer/meditation around those. Have not finished all the words yet but I will. Very helpful so far, I wish you were local for some more Al-Anon work lol. I am meeting with my sponsor to go over my Step 9 pre-work tomorrow morning. Thank you again for all your feedback and recommendations. I have also been very faithful to my Lenten prayer/meditations and sacrifices. So much on repenting and living God's will.

I am also finishing up the book Facing Love Addiction and took Kinds advice to Rock on looking up Transactional Analysis. Very good stuff and will be looking into more on the subject. The other book I am working on is From fear to Faith. This is my before bed exercise and a great Catholic resource for any interested.

Will try to come here more often, always helps to put thoughts out there.


Me:44 W:42
M:22 T: 22-23
S:22 D:19 D:16 S:6
Confirm EA/PA: 7/22
BD/IHS: 10/22
FwdMvmnt #2944687 03/30/23 09:48 PM
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R2C if you see this can you repost your book link? I can’t find it smile
If anyone else has it, I’d appreciate it!


Me:44 W:42
M:22 T: 22-23
S:22 D:19 D:16 S:6
Confirm EA/PA: 7/22
BD/IHS: 10/22
FwdMvmnt #2944689 03/31/23 01:58 AM
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Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
R2C if you see this can you repost your book link? I can’t find it smile
If anyone else has it, I’d appreciate it!

My List:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061094#Post2061094


This one is sticky in newcomers:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1969358#Post1969358


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
FwdMvmnt #2944691 03/31/23 02:38 AM
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Thank you R2C!


Me:44 W:42
M:22 T: 22-23
S:22 D:19 D:16 S:6
Confirm EA/PA: 7/22
BD/IHS: 10/22
1 member likes this: Ready2Change
FwdMvmnt #2944717 04/02/23 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by FwdMvmnt
BF,
Took your advice and read Drop the Rock, thank you for that recommendation. It really helped me with my willingness and gave me a much deeper look into steps 6 and 7. I continue to pray for his will and to remove my shortcomings daily. I also started the exercise of definitions and prayer/meditation around those. Have not finished all the words yet but I will. Very helpful so far, I wish you were local for some more Al-Anon work lol. I am meeting with my sponsor to go over my Step 9 pre-work tomorrow morning. Thank you again for all your feedback and recommendations. I have also been very faithful to my Lenten prayer/meditations and sacrifices. So much on repenting and living God's will.

Glad I could help, FM. I'm sure your sponsor and other group members have you covered. Remember it's a marathon, not a sprint. These are changes you are making for yourself and to last a lifetime, regardless of what happens with your marriage.

Keep it up.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver

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