I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself and little G, but do NOT let this weasel dissuade you from pursuing this. I agree with everyone else who said consult a lawyer. G, I know you are trying to keep any backlash to little G at a minimum here and you don’t want to rock the boat, but sister, it is far beyond time to rock the sh!t out of his happy little boat. He’s tiptoeing through life going on fancy vacations and working a job that affords him plenty of fun things while you work 2 to scrape by and provide for yourself and little G. I don’t know how things work in the land of Yankees, but down here in the south, the “new” wife’s income has NO bearing on anything. I know this from experience because when my XH and I were dealing with his girls’ mother on some things, she specifically asked that her child support be raised to include my income and we were very explicitly explained how my income was completely ignored in all aspects because I had no legal obligation to support the girls. I’m NOT siding with your XH’s w, mind you…just saying her income shouldn’t factor in any which way so he can’t use that.
Hang in there, G, and see a lawyer. Pursue what little G is entitled to!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Sadly, a lawyer would be a waste of money. It’s pretty simple here in NJ. A lawyer might get me an $50 tops per month: it’s just not worth the lawyer, the headache, the friction.
Her salary doesn’t go towards child support. Living expenses are calculated. So his contribution to his household is split and his bills are hall mine. And with the numbers he gave me, his mortgage is the same as mine, only he pays half.
I simply just got the short end of the stick. I had a bad night last night. I was really upset. Sometimes it just hits me 15 years later how much this has affected my life.
The good thing about today is I have my office to myself. My comanager is off for her birthday and I am thankful I don’t have to hear her talk about herself and recount every story word for word. I was going nuts last Friday. My other office mate, she sweet, I like her as a person, but she is totally burnt out and hates her job, and she complains ALOT lately. She’s off too.
Tomorrow I am off for a spa day with my BFF. I need this so much. I’m not in the best space mentally lately. I think maybe I need some warmth and sunshine in my life
I am going to ask a question and you do not have to answer it here if you don't want to. Is the current CS payment of $88 per week one that was agreed upon when your daughter was a baby? Have you ever gone back and requested additional CS since G was born?
The reason that I am asking this is because the times have changed and so has inflation. The cost of everything has gone up since G was born. $88 per week is pittance in today's world.
In MHO, this man has gotten off easy on CS payments. I shudder to think what he would be paying in my state.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am going to ask a question and you do not have to answer it here if you don't want to. Is the current CS payment of $88 per week one that was agreed upon when your daughter was a baby? Have you ever gone back and requested additional CS since G was born?
The reason that I am asking this is because the times have changed and so has inflation. The cost of everything has gone up since G was born. $88 per week is pittance in today's world.
In MHO, this man has gotten off easy on CS payments. I shudder to think what he would be paying in my state.
Yes, this is the original support payment. I never bothered going back because I knew our income disparity was growing and it wouldn’t make as much of a difference. And I was correct.
This man has gotten off easy in many areas, lol. He’s lucky to have me as his ex-wife and his child’s mother. He made out pretty well.
I agree with you. NJ’s calculator is pretty straightforward. Just like my locale.
I know you are hard working and busting it with two jobs. However, the wage differential and custody percentage is all the formula looks at. The legal system is frighteningly efficient and emotional-less when it come to divorce proceedings and support payments. Given your hard work ethic, you could have owed him, if he were a deadbeat.
And, I totally get the feeling of unfairness in all this.
So, do you believe his reported income? You certainly don’t need to take his word for it. However, you and he do have a pretty amicable relationship (more or less). Do you believe he’d purposefully mislead you about his income?
The $42K wage disparity is the biggest factor here. Even if you had 100% sole custody the child support calculation $170/week. And if H’s income were equal to your’s, CS would only amount to $150/week. You and I both know how little that is.
Just some questioning / reasoning to work through before you blow the lid off things. Risk vs reward.
A positive in all of this, you and XH are talking about child support. Personally, I’d probably not worry about the calculated $12/week increase. Even though he and you are willingly to find agreement outside of a courtroom. What I would discuss is future expenses. Unvisersity, driving, prom, etc. This whole conversation opens up where he stands on sharing those upcoming costs.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I couldn’t have gotten more screwed in this divorce financially.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Yeah, I’m feeling pretty angry and defeated right now. As I sit here at my second job.
Money. Yes, it’s important. And XH is meeting the legal requirements. Such as they are.
However, little G is more important.
Consider her and you. Your relationship. As you say, you were screwed financially. And only financially. Realize that. What you have, is worth more than money, and cannot be bought.
Feeling defeated. Yep. And that will flit. A temporary state.
Deep down, you have a wellspring of uplifting joy and pride and fulfilment with such a daughter in your life. And, truth be told, the hardships you’ve had to live through, make that even more golden.
Little G will never ever forget all you’ve sacrificed and provided for her. She currently doesn’t express nor understand the depth of all that. In time she will.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
on a happier note - by my calculation today is spa day??!!!! i vote for the hot stone massage xoxo enjoy the pampering!
It was the best day ever! Started with breakfast and mimosas . Went to the spa with hot tubs, sauna and massages. Then for margs and dinner. I went with friend to her dR appt( it’s our doctor friend) she was the last spot, so the 3 of us went for margs and dinner after.
I really needed today. I felt genuinely happy. We have decided we are going to do the spa day every 3 months.
