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I asked you if she was from a different country? Her family is clearly in a different country and this is why I asked . I had a feeling she was going to do this.

Lawyer up immediately. Do not wait a second more

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Wolfman,
Originally Posted by Wolfman
She has family in another country and she plans on going there.
Originally Posted by kml
Another country? Oh hell no. International custody disputes are a nightmare.
I'm with kml here. Be very wary of your kid leaving the country. Maybe she'd come back in a month...or perhaps she gets comfortable living off of family and goes out on a date or two and decides to stay there and you spend the next couple years trying to see your child. Given the current state of your relationship and her actions I wouldn't risk it.

Originally Posted by kml
Does the baby even have a passport? I believe in the US both parents have to sign off on a passport for a child. Def see a lawyer.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
He does have a passport. She is not a citizen of that country. She was born and raised here.
Just curious mostly...why the passport at a young age? We took a couple international vacations with my son so he's had one, but my daughter doesn't. Not sure where you're located...maybe near a border you have to cross over from time to time?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 703
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Wolfman Offline OP
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I was just talking to a buddy and he approached my situation from a very different perspective. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage. His wife passed away. He got remarried and now has 3 kids. He explained to me I need to see it from her eye. Because he has had this problem with his current wife. As far as spending time time with his 2 who are 15 & 13 from the previous the other 3 from current marriage are 5,3,1. How he believes there has to be times that I pick the baby over my s12. He explained to me just going to mys12 basketball games and leaving is not quality time with my son. That maybe miss on a rare occasion if there is something that needs to be done for the baby. Tell my s12 that instead of going to the game, doing something together one on one. Make that quality time. He really got me to step back for a second and look at this through a different lense. What do some of you think of that idea?
One of the things I never said on here which I recognize today is my fault is this. 2 years ago when gf was pregnant she got COVID. I had plans with my son to go upstate for 3 days with a buddy and his son. I didn't want to let my son down so I left her home while she was pregnant and very sick. She brings that up. I am sharing this because again, I recognize I have made mistakes and some of these decisions have caused her resentment. That has grown inside of her. Another time I promised my son to take him to a theme park during one of the vacation weeks I had him.. She had a paper due that week. She asked once she was done to take him a day after that. I had promised my son at the beginning of the week. So I took him anyway. Obvioulsy she was very upset with that. I am sharing this to hopefully help everyone out to my situation and why she is so frustrated and says the things she does.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
How he believes there has to be times that I pick the baby over my s12.
Don't you have 50/50 custody of your son? That means 50% of the time you can make W and baby number 1.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
I am sharing this to hopefully help everyone out to my situation and why she is so frustrated and says the things she does.
Truth be told Wolf we all knew we were getting your version and not hers and there was more to it. So I think at this point Wolf if Wolf and isn't going to change. Do you see anyway you can make real changes to turn this around?

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Quote
One of the things I never said on here which I recognize today is my fault is this. 2 years ago when gf was pregnant she got COVID. I had plans with my son to go upstate for 3 days with a buddy and his son. I didn't want to let my son down so I left her home while she was pregnant and very sick. She brings that up. I am sharing this because again, I recognize I have made mistakes and some of these decisions have caused her resentment.

That’s such BS.

Resentment does NOT get built because people make selfish choices. Resentment gets built because people don’t say what they need/want, and choose to sulk about it after.

I’m sure if she was incredibly sick you would not have chosen to go.

Yes, maybe it was an inconsiderate choice - I’m not denying it definitely wasn’t your finest hour - but you did it for a reason, because you didn’t want to let your son down.

She had the option of saying “I really need/want you to stay home with me when I’m sick, please don’t go” and she didn’t (unless she did and you haven’t told us).

IMHO this “resentment” phase that WS/WAW cling to is just a bullsh*t excuse for people who choose to stay silent and then want to retrospectively blame.

If she says “don’t go, I need you here” and you stay home - everyone is happy.
If she says “don’t go, I need you here” and you leave anyway, well that’s on you and she has a right to resentment.
If you go so you don’t break a promise to your son and she chooses to say nothing and doesnt explain want she wants or needs, she has no right to resentment against you.

Look, none of us are, or were, perfect partners. But don’t fall into the trap of blaming yourself for everything and taking responsibility for HER resentment.

It serves no purpose.

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Wolfman,
Originally Posted by Wolfman
He explained to me just going to mys12 basketball games and leaving is not quality time with my son. That maybe miss on a rare occasion if there is something that needs to be done for the baby. Tell my s12 that instead of going to the game, doing something together one on one. Make that quality time.
It means a good deal to kids to show up at their events. It's my 3rd year of coaching S7's sports teams and he loves and takes pride in that. Even just going to a game means a great deal. He wants my parents to come see him, and even D4 asked my mom if she would come to her Christmas concert.

I'm totally with your friend about doing other one-on-one activities for quality time, but it's not necessarily an either or thing. My take is your kid with GF is a baby...might as well take the baby to the game and watch together. That way you see your son's games AND spend time with baby (and GF should she choose). My D4 goes to S7's events, even though they're not hers - actually wants to and asks for it.

Just my $0.02.

Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Wolfman
How he believes there has to be times that I pick the baby over my s12.
Don't you have 50/50 custody of your son? That means 50% of the time you can make W and baby number 1.
And I totally agree with LH's point here that your baby and GF already have 50% of the time where they can be your main priority and don't even need to "compete" with your son.

Therefore it's fair to make son a focus when you do have the opportunity - doesn't mean baby (and GF if she chooses) can't be a part of that (e.g., all going to the game together).


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Hello everyone. It’s been a little while. Here is a situation that happened with my ex. It never ends!!

On my cell phone provider app they occasionally do giveaways for NBA, NHL, NFL and concerts. It’s a timer that counts down and first person to hit the button wins the tickets. After many tries for many events and games, my son and I won 2 tickets to an NBA game. He was supper excited, like we just won the lotto. After we won, I looked at the date, it’s a day he is with his mom. I said to him, you mom would have to agree to me having you that day. He was confident she would. To make a long story short. I emailed her about the game, and was willing to switch a day with her(even though she still owes me 4 make up days) and included another option of him coming home with me after the game, and I would take him to school the following day. She said no to me, my son asked too. She said no to him. She won’t let him go because it’s her day regardless of the tickets he won. Oh they are 19 rows back off the court. I can’t even express how mad and upset I am for my son. Once in a lifetime opportunity and she won’t let him go. Oh and I have to show id in order to claim the tickets.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Wolfman,

So sorry to hear that. Sounds like your Ex is playing games and trying to hurt you instead of doing what's best for your son. That's not the right way to parent. Although it doesn't help your situation in terms of the game, my guess is she's going to catch some grief with your son for this.

Because I'm a guy/fixer and apparently have a hard time just listening/empathizing and not also helping...any chance you could contact them to request a different game? Or sell the tickets and use the money to buy tickets for a different night? The cell phone provider / contest company / NBA team office might be accommodating.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 703
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Originally Posted by BL42
Wolfman,

So sorry to hear that. Sounds like your Ex is playing games and trying to hurt you instead of doing what's best for your son. That's not the right way to parent. Although it doesn't help your situation in terms of the game, my guess is she's going to catch some grief with your son for this.

Because I'm a guy/fixer and apparently have a hard time just listening/empathizing and not also helping...any chance you could contact them to request a different game? Or sell the tickets and use the money to buy tickets for a different night? The cell phone provider / contest company / NBA team office might be accommodating.

I reached out to Verizon. That’s where we won the tickets. They were able to get me tickets to a game a day I have my son. Great seats 4 rows behind the visiting bench. I didn’t tell my son yet. I want to surprise him and make sure the ex doesn’t try to sabotage it.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Good Morning Wolf

Nice to hear that the tickets could be exchanged for a different day.

I agree not to mention this to XW. She has shown her colors. Best to take preventative steps to limit any potential sabotage.

Enjoy the game!

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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