WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - 1.5 Year Divorced (8)

[bttrfly]

Geez OB, BL was just making some headway here, getting over his shyness ... I second the get thee to an Aussie bar and flirt with an Aussie lass ...

[BL42]

Just to add, about your kids, I know you keep trying to “make up” bit quite honestly, their life is going to be fantastic. It is fantastic.

Thanks Ginger

They have 2 parents who really love love them

True. ExW was not a great parent the first year or two. They certainly weren't here priority anyway. She'd dump them off to go out with OM2, ask me to take her time to go away with him, they'd come home unbathed for a week more than once...etc., but seems to have come around a bit in the last year there, so that's very good. Important for the kids.

they seem to like ex’s BF( I know this grates you, but this a part that contributes to a good life)

That does grate on me. Not sure I'll ever fully get over it if they stay together, but have to swallow it and let it go. And as hard as it is to admit the relative post-BD "stability" they have on that front is better than constant upheaval.

you and your ex get along, you aren’t toxic as divorced parents.

Not sure I'd go as far as "get along" - I certainly try to keep my distance best I can and not engage - but agreed we're not toxic as divorced parents and generally collaborate in the kids' best interest.

And they were super young and this is something my D has verbalized to me. That the fact she doesn’t know a life otherwise is much easier than divorce when she was older . Life might be “different” but it certainly won’t be anything anyone needs to make up for.

The young thing is weird to me. Yes, maybe it would've been more of an upheaval down the road when they were 13 and 10 instead of 4 and 1, but also don't love that they only know divorce and back-and-forth and mommy living with another man. And have fears my daughter will see OM2 as a father figure. But guess that shouldn't take away from me.

I also know this grates you because then you feel there are no consequences for what your ex has done.

That does get to me. Seems like there should be some karma at some point. And when I see people who know what she did give her a friendly "hello how are you?" I think, really? And when her or OM1 don't get fired for relations in the office I think, come on! But then who knows what's going on behind her scenes and the emotions and awkward situations and encounters she's having. I do know she already left that new job with the other employer I posted about a year ago. Heard things weren't to her liking there and is no per diem back at the original employer. So maybe the grass isn't always greener. Really though, it's not the Ex specifics consequences that grate me as much as OM2 living with my kids, and I know the focus should be on me...and it is for the most part, just venting a bit here while you brought it up.

I get it. It provides for a lot of conflicting emotions. Been there, still am there sometimes . In the end, it is me who really it really really affected and tore apart. Not my D. And I am thankful for that. But yes, it really blows for us. Truth is, your kids have the best divorced parent situation they can possibly have. And that can be a tough pill to swallow for US.

It is a tough pill to swallow, but you're right the caveat is always the kids. I completely relate to what you're saying - think you're just a decade ahead in the process.

And I’m all seriousness, I’m easy to find on the other side. Im happy to be a friend. I think from what I read here, you a really stand up good guy. Is hang out with you.

Right back at you. If I take away anything from your thread it's you've been a wonderful mother in a very difficult situation you didn't create, and that's just about the best compliment anyone can receive in my mind.

Plus I think you might really be hot. 😂😂 I’m sorry, I can’t help
Ya elf, my toxic trait is having to take a serious moment and making someone laugh

Don't laugh at the prospect of me being hot! That's serious business!

[Ginger1]

Well, this is a first, two 10% ers fighting over me! I think I like it ! The bearded man and the one with the Aussie accent….. bring it on boys!!!

Everything you say resonates with me. I am 10 years ahead so I can tell you that you won’t always feel how you do. And I was the same, I got over my ex way faster than I got over another woman in my daughters life. It crushed me and killed me in every way. I was terrified she would think of her as mom. I was so jealous of their holidays spent together as a family, vacations spent together. I almost didn’t let my D go to their wedding because I couldn’t bare it. My friends came together for me that day and distracted me, because I was falling apart.

I can tell you, that D sees me and only me as mom. His wife is another trusted adult that she loves and that loves her, but I am MOM. Honestly, she goes there to see her dad and grandma. If neither around on his weekend, she chooses to stay with me. And I say yes if I don’t have plans.


You are irreplaceable, my friend! You are the one and only DAD

I also have no doubts that you are super hot . And the compliment you gave me ? THANK YOU! Because that is the highest of compliments in my book. I may not be successful by my own standards on the area of dating, but k would rather take the success on parenting and in these circumstances.

By the way, I share a name with the ultimate MILF, stifler’s mom. Only it’s spelled much differently, the first 3 letters are that of my screen name here. Hint hint

[LH19]

Well to be fair I deleted my OLD profiles quite awhile ago, but LH you might be touching on some truth here...I do tend to look for the perfect fit / long term relationship as opposed to opening the aperture and just going on a casual date and having fun for what it is.

Yes! You need to just go on dates because it's going to be awkward. My guess is the woman you are looking for is going to have MANY options so when you find her you don't want to blow it on something stupid. Though everyone is different (G & Dawn) most women want a man who will take charge, set dates and know what they are doing around the lady parts. There is a very fine line between awkward and creepy.

And not lying or misrepresenting myself here...6 figure salary, probably top 10% income and net worth, 6 foot even 195lbs and though can't claim a six pack in pretty decent shape overall. Fairly active and athletic. Great career, fantastic father, tight family and quality friends...etc.

I believe you (Don H). Just out of curiosity what's keeping you from the six pack other than about 10 pounds? It's hard to display great dad and career online so your best bet is to try to display fun/funny.

IMO you our so young and should be having tons of fun out there and not worrying about a relationship. That will come in time. Time to get that OLD profile worked out and give it another shot. You can't just go for top 10%ers you need to branch out a bit.

Just out of curiosity who is your doppelganger? I am thinking a young John Cusak.

[Ginger1]

You can have fun and date a bunch of women do that if that’s really want you want to do. Not because others make you feel like that’s what you should be doing right now. Some people aren’t all about dating all the people and some are about dating, but would be totally happy that if the 3rd person they dated was the one the wanted to ck to ie dating exclusively.

[Ginger1]

BL, I can tell you what keeps me from the six pack. You basically need like7% body fat and what I would have to give up isn’t worth it for me.

And as a woman in her early 40’s, who has many beautiful friends in their 30’s and 40’s, we really couldn’t give 2 sh!ts about a 6 pack. Sure they fun to look and touch sometimes? Sure. Just like big knockers. But it would simply be ab extra and doesn’t make us say “I need to date that guy” I’m sure LH knows more on that subject than me and the kazillion of women I am surrounded with everyday. But yeah, maybe a 6 pack was cool in my 20’s, but it’s so low on my list of things that make me want to date a guy now. So don’t worry about it. You sound fit, active, and you’re funny. Flashing your abs on an online dating site isn’t going to get you what you want

[DonH]

I believe you (Don H).

Now THIS I believe as well. It was the whole 1% nonsense I called BS on and turns out for good reason. But other than coming up short by a few inches I’m just an older version of the same. Totally believe.

And as a woman in her early 40’s, who has many beautiful friends in their 30’s and 40’s, we really couldn’t give 2 sh!ts about a 6 pack. Sure they fun to look and touch sometimes? Sure. Just like big knockers. But it would simply be an extra and doesn’t make us say “I need to date that guy” s

Totally believe this too! Looks may attract or open the door but personality and other attributes keep it from slamming shut.

[kml]

Yeah - a 6 -pack is nice, but a guy who is obsessed with his own body and won't eat anything fun is kind of a turn off. I'd love to meet a guy at the gym who is moderately into working out but not obsessive. I've never actually met a date at the gym though, although maybe once or twice a guy has said something flirtatious to me. I tend to go into my own "cone of silence" though when working out so I probably have missed some signals.

Crazy ex-BF was the only BF who ever went to the gym with me - I liked that. We didn't always do the same kind of workout but we would go together. When I would do a water exercise class, he would stand at the upstairs window and wave to me and make goofy faces - all the women in the class thought that was great because he was very handsome and looked like an athlete. (Too bad it turned out he was crazy and duplicitous!). Eventually I'd like to get back to working out in the gym instead of at home, maybe I need to pay more attention to the guys around me in the future.

[OnlyBent]

Well, this is a first, two 10% ers fighting over me! I think I like it ! The bearded man and the one with the Aussie accent….. bring it on boys!!!

BL you have a 12,000km advantage over me, don't fuch this up!!

I do agree BL that it seems like you are looking for perfect or reasons why things can't work. You have to kiss a lot of frogs my friends, and its all experience and it all helps. Think of that movie Slumdog Millionaire, where everything that happened in his life helped him win that final prize.

By the way, I share a name with the ultimate MILF, stifler’s mom. Only it’s spelled much differently, the first 3 letters are that of my screen name here. Hint hint

Her screen name or real name? I'm not the most talented Facebook stalker, but I am curious to know what I'm competing against BL for

[Ginger1]

Her screen name in that movie. Let’s see if you can find me !