Hmm. Subconsciously I believe where my family comes from as a partner? I can tell I am focusing on me. Just yesterday I bought a new grill and TV for me. I already did the grands room, but forgot about me. My house is my focus, for me. I need to get some things to make it more eye catching. I have been putting it off for various financial reasons. I live off of my means, not CC. But, if I am going get a life, especially with a new lady, I need to have my house looking good.
Hmm. Subconsciously I believe where my family comes from as a partner? I can tell I am focusing on me. Just yesterday I bought a new grill and TV for me. I already did the grands room, but forgot about me. My house is my focus, for me. I need to get some things to make it more eye catching. I have been putting it off for various financial reasons. I live off of my means, not CC. But, if I am going get a life, especially with a new lady, I need to have my house looking good.
Hmmm....so you have White Knight syndrome. This is REALLY worth exploring before you get into another relationship.
Sure, it feels good to rescue someone because then you have their gratitude - right? Although that's NOT always guaranteed! Why else might it be attractive? Do you perhaps feel less secure about your value in other ways, so flexing your ability to rescue someone financially or otherwise is something you think you need to do to attract a mate? Did your parents perhaps model this type of relationship? Do you feel the need to be the one "in control" in a relationship, rather than dating an equal who might challenge you? Do you not feel you deserve a woman who is independent and has her act together?
It's worth exploring for sure so you don't keep repeating.
Hmmm....so you have White Knight syndrome. This is REALLY worth exploring before you get into another relationship.
Sure, it feels good to rescue someone because then you have their gratitude - right? Although that's NOT always guaranteed! Why else might it be attractive? Do you perhaps feel less secure about your value in other ways, so flexing your ability to rescue someone financially or otherwise is something you think you need to do to attract a mate? Did your parents perhaps model this type of relationship? Do you feel the need to be the one "in control" in a relationship, rather than dating an equal who might challenge you? Do you not feel you deserve a woman who is independent and has her act together?
It's worth exploring for sure so you don't keep repeating.
White Knight syndrome. I will definitely look into that. Real good questions, you have asked. Curious how my parents would have modeled this type of relationship. Control the relationship. I dont think I do, not sure where I have acted this way. Maybe ex felt that way.. This does need to be explored.. It may be a sign of something that might be an eye opener.
Past 3 days I have been decorating home. Getting kitchen up to spec to bring guests in. Porch has chairs, cushions, and soon lights. I bought a grill too.. I will be entertaining people more often.. Who? Not sure, but I have been outside allot talking to neighbors. Heck, one is/was a Tudor for Nicole Kidman when she lived up in CT. I am out..
Hmmm....so you have White Knight syndrome. This is REALLY worth exploring before you get into another relationship.
Sure, it feels good to rescue someone because then you have their gratitude - right? Although that's NOT always guaranteed! Why else might it be attractive? Do you perhaps feel less secure about your value in other ways, so flexing your ability to rescue someone financially or otherwise is something you think you need to do to attract a mate? Did your parents perhaps model this type of relationship? Do you feel the need to be the one "in control" in a relationship, rather than dating an equal who might challenge you? Do you not feel you deserve a woman who is independent and has her act together?
It's worth exploring for sure so you don't keep repeating.
White Knight syndrome. I will definitely look into that. Real good questions, you have asked. Curious how my parents would have modeled this type of relationship. Control the relationship. I dont think I do, not sure where I have acted this way. Maybe ex felt that way.. This does need to be explored.. It may be a sign of something that might be an eye opener.
I was discussing with my sisters about the White Knight Syndrome. Common theme, our parents were from very hard poor families. But, instead of wanting more for us, we ( at least I was) somewhat neglected. No expectations from school, did sports but it was school required as much as Dad wanted to get involved. My Dad, military , was gone allot, worked long hours when home. Mom, she just did laundry, meals, and sent us to school. No real trips, no social stuff, just nothing. Most of my friends , as we all discussed, did stuff. Sports, trips, educational things to better themselves, camps, boy scouts, music. I had to pay half for my BMX as a kid, half for my walkman ( yes I am dating myself) for example. Things started coming out when I spoke with them.. I guess as we get older we close things into compartments. It kind of makes sense now. They say neglected parents can cause you to have emotional weakness, low self esteem, no drive or direction... And you always want to help people than mentally you may think have the same issues and need rescuing, without knowing why you do it.
Looking at what you've been writing Mach40, I can see similarities with my own past journey.
One thing I think that you are looking at is what you can offer vs what you want. I certainly made that mistake. I'm stable, with a decent income, a shabby but neat home, all my own teeth etc.
It's like going into a store with $100 and seeing what it will buy vs going shopping and seeing something you want and then deciding if it's worth buying.
I certainly even now still have a tendency to think about how fortunate I am, and I am indeed very fortunate, and seeing others that could be helped with that and feeling internal pressure to share my good fortune. For example, I have a largeish 4 bedroom home that I live alone in with my cat. There is a housing crisis in my area with many people unable to afford rent even in sub-standard housing. Do I feel guilty about not opening my doors and offering up my surplus space? Heck yes. But I also know that that's not something I want to have in my life.
Just something to think about. If you look at my own threads from a bit over 3 years ago, you'll see my dating stories if you are interested. In all cases, it ended up with situations where people around me, including from here really pushed me to realize that I was putting in all the effort and not getting anything out of it.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Andrew, thanks for that. It does make sense. I am very fortunate too. I can quick my job, and live for me. If it wasnt for my 2 kids that is. I still feel I need to be a person they can rely on if necessary. Life is tough, one is a single parent, and the other is working two jobs to pay rent, and such.. As far as my ex, and dating. I am at the age where I am seeing the trend of potential women. If I were a betting man, most just divorced, kids are out of college, and they need someone to help them go forward, after being the non provider per say in the family prior to divorce. Thats a harsh generalization, but is what I am seeing. The women that dont need you are there, just not on the dating scene as much. If I were rich, I mean loaded, I would have bought my ex a house, put the deed in her name as a parting gift, a rather large gift.. But, I am not, and all she wanted was half of the equity, which wasnt much, so she could put a down payment on her home.. Now, she is about to sell, move into an apartment, and I am not flinching. Not going to help. I was fired from that job, and I realize a white knight is unhealthy for me.. I have allot to offer, but if the other side doesnt offer up to, then its not a good relationship.
