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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by BL42
I'm thinking Steve85/LW, CW/Traveler, and more recently Ginger1.
Uuuummm Steve85/LW, CW/Traveler aren't in the same stratosphere as Ginger. I have respect for Ginger. She asked for space and I am giving her space, Detach, 180 GAL.
Whether or not you have respect for the specific poster isn't really relevant to my underlying point, but like I said...just an observation and some well-intentioned feedback.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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LH,

If you don't respect someone, then don't post to them and just move on to another thread.

I know that you mean well and want to offer the best advice possible, but there are times that I have had to sit back and reread your postings because of the "tone", as they come across as bullying and insensitive. Some of your postings come across as "goading" posters into a reaction. Maybe this is your way to get your point across, but it has been suggested that you state your opinion once and then step back and allow the poster to mull over your response and if they want to take your advice they will and if they don't, so be it.

We have to remember that we are further along than some of the posters and we are looking at their situations from the outside looking in. Yes, we can see/sense what they are going through, but they can't see the forest for the trees just yet. We want to see them move along faster than what they are and get the situation over and done with. It is better to listen and gently guide them as they navigate the separation/divorce process. They have to go through the experience and learn along the way that no matter what, they will become stronger, more confident and wiser for that experience. They have to determine the pace that they will move forward.

All I ask of posters is to be respectful, whether you like the poster or not, and be mindful of what you post and how you post it.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by Mach40
I dont think anyone after a major breakup will be 100%.
I'm not exactly sure what I think about this statement.
In some ways - most ways - I'm a much better version of the person I was before BD.

What does 100% mean?
What it means is, no matter how well adjusted, counseled, and detached you are from ex, there will always be something that makes you reflect on him/her.. Something is always there to remind you of them. It could be minor, or it could be something heavy that drags out your entire life.
But, when you are with a new person, there will be something on your mind of your ex in some way, whether it bothers you or not is one thing.
But, you will never be like you were when you first got married, 100% happy with your spouse.
Its just an opinion.
And, shoji white is a great color for walls. Sherwan Williams carries it. Nice color.


Sitting at a Table for One.
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Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by Mach40
I dont think anyone after a major breakup will be 100%.
I'm not exactly sure what I think about this statement.
In some ways - most ways - I'm a much better version of the person I was before BD.

What does 100% mean?
What it means is, no matter how well adjusted, counseled, and detached you are from ex, there will always be something that makes you reflect on him/her.. Something is always there to remind you of them. It could be minor, or it could be something heavy that drags out your entire life.
But, when you are with a new person, there will be something on your mind of your ex in some way, whether it bothers you or not is one thing.
But, you will never be like you were when you first got married, 100% happy with your spouse.
Its just an opinion.

Having been there, in a long term relationship after my Divorce...

There are still fleeting moments where I miss the connection with my ex-spouse. I mean hell, we have a history together, including bring two lives into this world. To NOT miss that would be a dis-honor to their lives. To NOT acknowledge that is a dis-honor to them.

I miss moments with my Ex, not the life.

Yet those times are , like I said, fleeting, and they wash over and through me and are gone....

If you still carry that baggage of missing your Ex through your life, then it's prolly not a good idea to drag anyone else into that.

And yes, you can be 100% happy in a relationship and still have those moments of missing your Ex. It's kind of like asking someone to choose which child they love the most (assuming they have one, or more than one). For me, it's not possible to make that choice.


If it's open enough, the heart is capable of amazing feats.....

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Mach1,
Originally Posted by Mach1
Having been there, in a long term relationship after my Divorce...
How long did you wait after your divorce before getting into a long term relationship?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Just don't tell me what color to paint my walls ... I'm not ready to share nesting with anyone yet.

Funny, I’m badly overdue for repainting multiple rooms and I’d LOVE it if someone told me what color to paint them and how to redo them. I’m not ready to share those rooms, on a regular basis anyway, but I’d be happy to have someone come in and handle it all like my ex did over 20 years ago. It’s one if the very few things I miss about her - that and social activities planning. Hmmmm if this is all I miss that might tell me something.
If you need some painting advice you know where to find me. . .


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"You know who you were before & during your marriage. Find out who you are now. What are your core values? What do you really want? Then, live it!"
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Originally Posted by Mach40
And, shoji white is a great color for walls. Sherwan Williams carries it. Nice color.
thanks.
i'm all set.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"You know who you were before & during your marriage. Find out who you are now. What are your core values? What do you really want? Then, live it!"
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Originally Posted by BL42
Mach1,
Originally Posted by Mach1
Having been there, in a long term relationship after my Divorce...
How long did you wait after your divorce before getting into a long term relationship?


I'm gonna answer this on my thread BL...

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Shoji White? Maybe if you throw in some Scarlet Past and Bright Future as accent colors.

Spiral

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The paint made me feel bettrr. Went from Taupe to the White.
Just made me happier to come home. All positive.


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