Maybe, maybe not

[Mach40]

Ginger, your story is still a success story. Allowing other people to hear it gives them encouragement,. How you did it, what enabled your, key factors are there. Your story is incredible.
The life of a single Mother, having to raise a child and educate oneself to get to the point they can raise a child in a good environment is success, no matter how you look at it.
Every sitch is different, there is always something. But, when people reach out they need help. And this forum helped a bit I am sure. I see and read it everyday..
It gives me inspiration to continue posting and such..
Congrats on all your hard work. It will pay dividends for life with your child..

[Mach1]

I don’t have much to offer. My story is nothing like yours. I thing like many. I married a glaring red flag which I ignored due to my life circumstances. Married at 24, kid via IVF at 27, 6 months later he left me for his affair partner with whom he is married to this day.
I am now 42, daughter is 15, he’s cheating on this wife now.

G.....

That is what happened to you, not who you are....

Maybe that's the disconnect, when you live like all of that defined you, it brings you down.

When you live like that is what made you into who you are the majority of the time, is when you thrive...

[Ginger1]

I think you are right. I’ve recognized it. And truth is it doesn’t define who I am. But a big part of me will always be who I became from my struggles and success.

Now nothing really “defines” me. That’s not a black and white area . I’m just living these days. I don’t need to define myself or anything else for that matter. Too much mental energy. I am living each day as they come. I’m putting my energy into what will serve me, not hurt me. I’m standing up more for myself to protect my own energy.

I am also very good at compartmentalizing. And it works well for me. I have mastered being able to being happy and sad at the same time. I can be sad,
Angry and disappointed about something, but still be happy regarding good stuff. It doesn’t take one negative thing to make everything negative. Ita been working for me.

I really am finally content. Just taking each as it comes. Not borrowing trouble from the future. I rarely overthink anything anymore.

And quite honestly, work mentally drains me. It’s been an adjustment. And by the end of the day I shut down. I literally get out of my own head very easily because I don’t have the energy. It’s a positive !

[Mach1]

I think it has a lot in the past...

And I think that you've spent an excessive amount of time trying to prove that you are good enough....

Good enough for everyone, except the one person it should matter the most to ....

























you...

[Ginger1]

Something happened today in my personal life. Won’t divulge here.

But I think the way I handled it and how I felt after I handled it,and how I felt after handling it, Is really beginning to solidified that I do believe I am good enough. For me. Nobody else. Just me.

[Ginger1]

Oh, Mach 40, thank you, and I’m happy if sharing a synopsis of my life story has helped.

Mach1 is absolutely right, our experiences can mold us, but shouldn’t define us. It’s always a work in progress to not “be” my divorce or failed marriage, or failed relationships after. I won’t let it be who I am anymore .

OB- 2 of the girls on my team would be right up LH’s alley. But he’s a happily taken man with his own skinny chick . I could wrap my fingers around their legs. But they also couldn’t get even one rep up on the bench and got 22. So there ! Seriously though, super nice women and we all have our strengths. And mine is definitely not speed when running!

I have been very off this week and missed the gym all week. I’m finally feeling physically better , but I’m exhausted. I worked my first weekend at my old job. Work wasn’t busy, I got to work with my favorite people , one being my work wife and we had such a good time. I was also shocked by how many people truly miss me there . All I hear is “it’s not the same, please come back!” And even today, the physician advisor I work with was surprised to hear me when he called in and needed something done and he told me he I am very missed. And he is not a man of emotion. I got what he needed done and he said “ this is just one of the reasons we miss you terribly!”

I know it might seem like a low key brag. And weird I talk about work so much. But honestly, it’s a huge part of my life. It always has been. It’s where I have always gotten adult interaction, formed relationships and felt valued. I’ve been coming home for years and years to no one but my kid and she does ask me how my day was, but in reality, work has been the only place I have felt like a respected adult where anyone really cared about me as a person. I always make sure to bring life into work , because we are there for majority of working hours and no one should be miserable at their job. When I was going through my D and I had a new baby and everything was changing at once, going to work was the only place things felt normal. I looked forward to work. And I worked night shift in an ICU!

I also feel like a Sh!t because once again my cousin and I aren’t talking. It’s been a month now. She got mad at me when I didn’t respond to a text of a picture of her basil in her garden ( I looked at it at a traffic light and just forgot about it) then I’m my last 2 days at my other job, I was out a work event and she texted me about helping her move mulch on Saturday. I didn’t answer because I couldn’t. 2 hours later she texted me, yet again going off on me about how I never answered her texts. I told her Where I was and why I couldn’t and that wasn’t acceptable to her. We have the same argument all the time. She gets offended when I don’t answer her texts which don’t even actually have an “answer” I’m just tired and I haven’t had the energy to make this better . She left me hanging and I never reached out again. I’m trying so hard to focus on what I need at the moment and I just don’t have the mental space right now. I feel guilty, but I just can’t do it. Also, when I don’t answer, she never asks me if I am ok, if I need anything, etc. and when we are together, I listen to her b!tvh about her life, her husband. Everything. Never asks about me.

Anyways, I’m completely exhausted. I’ve got 5 more days to go and I finally get a day off. And I’m exhausted to the point where I am fighting back tears. I’ve been thinking about planning a weekend getaway for myself in January. I’m running on empty and need to refuel

[Ginger1]

It’s so weird, I keep going to update, write a long post and delete.

I am exhausted but I’m still going. Lots of hours worked and crap going on with my house and other stuff. But I’m good. Still planning a few days off in January and going away for a weekend by myself to get some rest.

I am seeing hockey guy again. It’s good. No labels. But we like eachother and have a great time together. So I can choose to be alone and not have fun with this guy. Or I can just have a good time with him. We text every day. Especially when we are watching our hockey team play. We talk politics and religion respectfully, even with some opposing views. It’s a nice friendship with the bonus of attraction. He also fulfills a need I think I was truly missing. Will it likely end? Yeah. Could it possibly not end? Yeah. But right now, I like it. It’s not holding me back from anything. If I was still seeking “the partner” maybe it would be a bad idea. But when he reappeared in my life, I had already stopped looking. Deleted apps. Was at peace with where I was. Just happy living day to day and my focus being on my career, home, kid, and my fitness/hobbies. And that’s where I still am even with him in my life. He has talked about some fun weekend trips we would both enjoy, like seeing a hockey game in a certain city I never visited, although not far. He is also going to teach me how to stop when Ice skating, lol. I’m a good skater, bad stopper. I keep trying to think of a real no should end this , but I can’t think of one, except that it might end. And I guess anything might end at some point, right ? Even in the best of situations .

So that’s that. I do know when it doesn’t work for me anymore and it doesn’t feel good, I will end it. But right now, I just can’t find a reason to do it.

[LH19]

I am seeing hockey guy again. It’s good. No labels. But we like each other and have a great time together.

This is a bizarre statement. You say the first three statements which is good because there should be no labels because it has been less than a month. Than you throw the "but" in there which negates the first 3 statements and than you say you like each other and have a great time together. Why not just say " I am seeing hockey guy again. We like each other and have a great time together. We will see where it goes. You are holding something back.

So I can choose to be alone and not have fun with this guy. Or I can just have a good time with him.

Another bizarre statement of the obvious.

We text every day. Especially when we are watching our hockey team play. We talk politics and religion respectfully, even with some opposing views.

Sounds amazing!

It’s a nice friendship with the bonus of attraction.

So is it a friendship or are you dating? If you don't know the difference is there nudity involved?

He also fulfills a need I think I was truly missing.

Which is what?

Will it likely end? Yeah. Could it possibly not end? Yeah. But right now, I like it.

Uuuuummm every relationship could or could not end.

If I was still seeking “the partner” maybe it would be a bad idea.

So now all of a sudden after 15 years everything you always judged yourself by is suddenly out the window? Sorry I don't buy it.

I keep trying to think of a real no should end this , but I can’t think of one, except that it might end. And I guess anything might end at some point, right ? Even in the best of situations .

You really have a scarcity mindset.

So that’s that. I do know when it doesn’t work for me anymore and it doesn’t feel good, I will end it. But right now, I just can’t find a reason to do it.

There is definitely more to this story then you are sharing.

[AndrewP]

It’s so weird, I keep going to update, write a long post and delete.

I can understand that. My own posting has taken a nose-dive that was preceded by deleting more than 1/2 of the posts I wrote before hitting the button.

There's just not much that I want to put out there to have dissected by the current audience or have visible for whatever random lurker may be passing by.

[kml]

G -
My friend who is in a 12 step program for Love Addiction says one of the program concepts is not to put more into a relationship than the other person is putting in. So check yourself if you find that you are the one doing more or reaching out more. It should be equal.

As for taking it as it comes - I'm good at doing that, but are you? Will you become too attached? Do you have a plan for that?

And those political and religious differences - how big are they? How much does it say about their underlying values?? For me, certain persuasions are a hard no for dating because of what it says about their empathy, intellect, tolerance for racism, and selfishness. So don't paper over anything that is serious.