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Tarheel Offline OP
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Message sent.

I won't go into the kid thing either because I know there's nothing I can type on a message board that's going to convince anyone of my change in stance.



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Any response or has the games begun?

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Tarheel Offline OP
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No response to my text. I don't plan reaching out again until her bday next Wed. Figure I'll ask if we can meet up that weekend. It's as good of an excuse to meet up as there is right now. If it's a no, that might be time to throw in the towel. Or at least go no contact for good.



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If you sent the text I suggested I would not follow up with another. Even on her birthday. The ball is in her court. She knows where you stand. If she has even a miniscule of interest she will reach out. Do not settle for anything less than a meet-up. Your best chance is for you to show that I would love to meet up and work this out but you will walk if she doesn't reciprocate.

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Originally Posted by Tarheel
No response to my text. I don't plan reaching out again until her bday next Wed. Figure I'll ask if we can meet up that weekend. It's as good of an excuse to meet up as there is right now. If it's a no, that might be time to throw in the towel. Or at least go no contact for good.
she responds to my text.

The next text she sends should be an answer to your question. Your texting goal is to close an in person date.

I would be assessing how enthusiastically she is pursuing you for an in person date.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Tarheel,

I'm with LH & R2C...no additional contact unless you hear back from her.

You could probably feel that in her response about your parade message there was nothing but a polite answer. Even with COVID or the flu people text back if they really want to engage with you...not take 4 days.

She can sense the real reason you're occasionally texting. If she's interested in that she'll let you know. Instead of staying on the hook, try making her feel like she might lose you.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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I would like to add that although I agree the Covid excuse is most likely just that an excuse and she maybe slow playing you.

What is very important is that you don’t become a backup plan. She’s either in or she needs to feel you are moving on. I will stress this again. If she is even slightly interested you will hear from her again. You text her again on her birthday you buy her more time to find your replacement.

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How's it going Tarheel? Anything happen on her birthday last week?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Posts: 536
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Tarheel Offline OP
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I called her and left a vm around 9pm on the day of her bday. Just a short 'happy bday, hope you had a good day'. She text the next day saying thanks and that she had been asleep when I called. Shortly after her text, I called with the intent of asking about a bday dinner that weekend. We talked for about 15 mins- just about her school day and some other small talk. She was on her way to a teacher friend's for pumpkin carving. Before we hung up, I asked about coming to town and treating her to a bday dinner. She said she was headed out of town, asked what for, if I was currently in town...it was almost like she wanted to, but didn't. She asked if she could call me back since she was at the house. Ended up texting me at midnight apologizing multiple times for not calling back and saying she'd call the next day.

So she called me the next day saying she couldn't do dinner. I asked about a raincheck, but she has a few things going on next weekend too. Then it turned into more of 'I can't, why are you asking, didn't we already have this conversation....' It ended up as pretty much a repeat of the 1st convo we had. She says she loves me and that it upsets her knowing that she's upsetting me, but that it's too late. I then gave an 'I hope you find your fairy tale' (not in a spiteful way) final goodbye. I've been surprised at her lack of emotion during our calls. She's always been super emotional in the past. I think it's a combination of being over me and trying to stay tough- I can hear conflict in her responses at times and she said that after our last call, it took her a few days to 'get over it'.

She text me the next night letting me know that her Amazon account was hacked and I should keep an eye on my credit card (we shared accounts), but I didn't respond. I don't really expect to hear from her and I'm not planning on reaching out.

I did see a counselor yesterday morning to discuss the R, my kids leaving for college, my identity, etc. He asked how I thought ex fiancé would respond if I just showed up, so that approach has creeped back into my mind, but at this point, I think it would come across as stalkerish. Continuing with counseling and we'll see what he thinks, but it's probably time to move on and if she reaches out, she reaches out. Just hars to process as I still feel deep down that we're meant to be. I never felt that way with ex W of 15 years.



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Tarheel - Sorry it didn't go the way you wanted. Time for LRT.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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