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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by DnJ
I wonder if his wife is working to bust this divorce?

Gosh, imagine her standing, praying her little heart out for some miracle. I would think we all were there at one point.

I suspect for a lot of us, our other half’s affair started out with a nice “innocent” little tryst, Sunday brunch, friends that kiss.

Dating a married person makes you the affair partner.

You control you. Might want to check your compass.

The words “immoral” were said by you, not me. I spoke to your actions and how those actions are not aligned with what I believe to be inside you. Again, just suggesting you look at your life’s heading / direction and consider what you are doing.

Your response:

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Don’t project, Dnj. You know I’m not an affair partner. You must know the difference .

The definition of an affair:

- a sexual relationship between two people, one or both of whom are married to someone else. (Note: This board does often does include emotion relationship as an affair as well.)

Plenty of folks change and alter definitions to suit their wants. People can twist reality around all they want, yet reality will snap back and then where will one be?

I also felt compassion for you. You were posting about looking to sell your plasma to make ends meet. To me that sounded rather desperate, and not the path you are hoping to be upon.

Obviously, you and I are on different wavelengths. That’s fine. And I’ve stepped away from your thread.

D

If this isn’t condescending , I don’t know what is.[/quote]
That post was actually pretty condescending.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
My apologies for anyone has felt “attacked” . While not my intention, that’s how it is perceived and I can certainly apologize for that .
Apology accepted. We have all had some posts we wish we could have back.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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Just change your name to something like LH20 like tom_h did and no one will know who you are


Me: 41 W:42
T: 14 M: 11
S: 6

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Or Steve85 to SteveLW


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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I am someone that hasn’t been on here for a long time (but not brand new either).

I have to admit that the bickering and attacks I’ve seen on several different threads by several different folks are upsetting to me. I came here for support and to feel like I wasn’t alone in my situation, and now the bickering is alienating and unnerving. A few folks that really helped me are no longer on the forum as a result (with some stating clearly that their taking a break was related to ‘drama’ on here).

It’s just sad. I don’t like it. It certainly isn’t helpful or supportive.

El


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



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G, and I’m glad your daughter had a wonderful birthday!


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



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Ginger1 Offline OP
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You are right, E, and I am sorry. The bickering here isn’t productive. And I know Dnj helped you a a lot. While my experience has not been good at all, I’m sad he just decided to leave and not help those he was helping. I’m honestly surprised my opinion would drive him away from helping those who he also felt he helped. I’m also happy to bow out, because this place isn’t doing me any good anymore, actually, it’s hurting me. It’s the last piece in the puzzle holding me back. I finally figured out the last piece of the puzzle.

I am forever indebted to those who helped me on this board. Who became my real life personal friends. I have had a lot of personal growth and got through the worst time in my life. I hate to ruin that for others. Of course, I heard a lot I didn’t want to hear. And if anyone thinks these are 2X4’s, they haven’t been here in the OG days! These are slaps on the wrists.
Facing myself was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I’m glad I did it. However, the bickering isn’t productive. You are absolutely correct.

And thank you, she’s had a wonderful birthday. I can’t believe she is a such a full blown teen! I’m far too young for that , lol

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I don't like the bickering either. Threads filled up with that as opposed to helpful advice to those who created them are not helpful. I've largely tried to stay out of it and focus on my own sitch and helping others, but I'll say this...

I'm surprised to see LH and Ginger who used to seem teasing and flirty have turned more bickering & personal...in OB's thread and hers. Not sure why.

Ginger your posts to DnJ initially did come off to me as very harsh and too personal, but also think you raised some very fair questions to him about self reflection and his role in his marriage. On the other hand, while you may have found DnJ's post on your thread condescending and judgmental, I don't think he was out of bounds raising the question of you dating a man who was not yet divorced. It's fair to wonder if he had a W back home hoping to DB her marriage - that's why we all came here - plus it caused you personal pain when the relationship didn't work out.

I just noticed DnJ's two dozen plus threads are gone. It appears he may have bowed out of the forum. Imo, that's a shame. Just as it would be if you do so as well Ginger...or anyone else. The more people here helping others the better, imo.

There is an alternative approach. There are still people out there who need help. Does everyone remember back to the initial darkness and spin of post-BD? What it was like reaching out to any support system which would listen, desperately trying to understand what happened and needing advice on how to get your life together? Why not drop a note to those currently in it, if only to give a quick message of support.

Here are two newbies, Samoy who hasn't gotten much response in hers and Rockon who just posted his first message tonight:

HELP! Late withdrawal help clarification by Samoy
New Here by Rockon

Why doesn't everyone who reads this comment show them some support, even if it's just taking two minutes to post a quick "hang in there, you'll get through this"?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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BL, I knew for a fact he did not have a wife back home. I knew for a fact he was out of the house. I knew for a fact there were lawyers involved . That was fact. I knew , and of course I can’t say for fact that that he found her sex videos with other men. I knew he left her once for alcohol and anger management issues and tried again with her and found those videos. There is no one we date that we know for sure, do we? Do people date and ask to see divorce agreements ? For all any of us know, anyone we go on dates with may be lying to us about their status, right ? And I can tell you, if I did find out they were living together and they weren’t getting divorced, I would have been very very gone. Now if I stayed finding that out? Then I become an affair partner

We all the know what an affair is and what an affair partner is here. I think we all know I wasn’t that.

Anyways, I do hope everyone goes and help the newbies. Im not chiming in there or anywhere else anymore. I am no longer helpful and that’s where I bow out .

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Ginger1,
Originally Posted by Ginger1
BL, I knew for a fact he did not have a wife back home. I knew for a fact he was out of the house. I knew for a fact there were lawyers involved . That was fact.
I'm sure you did your due diligence and vetted the situation, and I'm not saying you were acting like a sleazy AP - just that DnJ's question about the DB'ing spouse and still being legally married isn't exactly out of bounds for a forum like this. It seemed like a fair question to raise, even if you have a reasonable answer.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I knew , and of course I can’t say for fact that that he found her sex videos with other men.
Yikes.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
And I can tell you, if I did find out they were living together and they weren’t getting divorced, I would have been very very gone.
I don't doubt it.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Im not chiming in there or anywhere else anymore. I am no longer helpful and that’s where I bow out .
Sorry to hear that. You're always welcome on my thread - I'd love your perspective. If not, best of luck...and don't forget to take action on the child support front. Hold your ExH accountable for his financial responsibilities as a father while you're doing the majority of the parenting for your daughter!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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