I have just found out that I am now officially divorced.
When we separated in 2018 I was heart broken and confused. I wanted us back together. However, bit by bit the truth came out about things that had been happening behind my back for many years including financial abuse.
Throughout separation, WW continued to be thoroughly nasty towards me. The lies, gaslighting and projection is extreme. I have stayed ultra cool so not been provoked. I now know that she will sink to extreme depths to try to destroy me.
After more than 4 years of separation I found out that ex lawyers still hadn't filled for the divorce to be made final. I therefore contacted her lawyers to make it final. Now it is final.
If someone had told me 4 years ago that I would actually be the one perusing for the divorce to be finalised then I wouldn't have believed it.
I feel relief and yet sadness because when we married I had wanted it to last forever and we have kids. I am shocked at the extreme behaviour of WW and don't want to be with that sort of person. We still have to be in contact regarding the kids so unfortunately WW is trying to use them as a way to hurt me. I have been advised by the police and counselling that she will never stop doing so.
Sorry to hear it came to divorce, but glad it's given you a sense of relief. I understand the sadness...I was fairly strong and feeling good for months but when the official order came in I broke down and cried a good bit. I think it's healthy to be a bit sad about the end of a marriage, even when it's 4 years in the making (in your case).
What ever happened with your custody and financial cases? The last update you gave a year ago it was looking like you would prevail, but she had been dragging it out and nothing had been finalized.
How old are your kids, and how are they doing?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Thanks for asking. Ex was caught-out telling lies about the finances, about me and refused to cooperate. Finally a decision had to be made despite ex frustrating the process. I got to keep the home - which ex is furious about.
Ex didn't get her way over the finances and so seems she's taking it out on me by turning the kids against me even more. Ex refuses to follow court orders for them to see me. The court doesn't seem to care.
Ex has been with someone for a couple of years but ex stalks me online with fake profiles, turns up at my home etc. I don't think it's because she wants me back but rather to harass me and try to provoke me - so that then she can claim justification for what she has done. I stay cool as she can own what she has done.
Positives:
I am single so free to meet the right person. I got to keep my home mortgage free. I have a holiday abroad planned. I am fine in my own company. I have been getting out making new friends. I have discovered a lot about myself.
Negatives:
I am single so haven't yet met the right person. Ex is very determined to constantly use the children to try to hurt me. I have very little income. I have no pension.
Ex didn't get her way over the finances and so seems she's taking it out on me by turning the kids against me even more. Ex refuses to follow court orders for them to see me. The court doesn't seem to care.
How old are you kids? And what is the custody arrangement...did you get 50/50?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Didn't get 50/50. Ex ignores court orders so back to court again. Ex claims kids don't want to see me. The reason why is because ex told the kids lies about the finances, about me etc. and makes other plans for them when due to stay with me. Also known as parental alienation.
Didn't get 50/50. Ex ignores court orders so back to court again. Ex claims kids don't want to see me. The reason why is because ex told the kids lies about the finances, about me etc. and makes other plans for them when due to stay with me. Also known as parental alienation.
David this is rough. However, here is something I posted to another posters a few months ago. It thought it might help here:
Originally Posted by SteveLW
However, as the advice above from others says, just be the best dad you can be. Kids are smarter then we give them credit for. They also have more wisdom and insight then we give them credit for. When a child sees how wonderful their dad is, even though their mom is constantly telling them how awful their dad is, the child will see it for themselves and realize that what mom is telling them doesn't match up to the dad that they see and experience.
So be the best dad you can be. Fight for them! If you have to, get your lawyer involved again. Do not take this lying down. Your kids will see that and years from now be grateful for it!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ex refuses to follow court orders for them to see me. The court doesn't seem to care.
Wow--so you have limited access to your kids?! That sounds similar to Wolfman's situation in the "Surviving" forum. If your XW is blocking access, I'd use some home equity to recruit a better attorney a.s.a.p. because that's a Divorce 101 issue at least in the US any good attorney can remedy. If your kids don't want to see you, Wolfman arranged therapy sessions, which could be a starting point towards improving your relationship with them and making them more comfortable visiting. The longer this goes on, the more DavidUK seeing his kids less becomes the status quo, which courts recognize.
David, I just reviewed your thread as it had been awhile to see how this came to pass--"She told me what access she wanted me to have.. 2 hours per week plus seeing school plays.. I didn't want any conflict." and ultimately, "We don't get any weekends together. None. We have to wait about 10 years until they are both adults until we can have a weekend together."
Is it just alienation, or might your kids be hurt or angry you didn't fight harder for them? Assuming your kids aren't old enough to refuse, it's never too late to take the initiative with therapy and a more aggressive attorney. I'm sorry you're going through this. I couldn't imagine worse.
