Stories of imagination tend to upset those without

[bttrfly]

what's the definition of insanity (20s) ... ugh. wouldn't want to be that age again for love or lots n lots of money.

i recommend Tony Bennett's Swingin' Christmas featuring the Count Basie Big Band for your aural pleasure.

[DonH]

I heard from 20S today. She's already moved in with the latest beau after just a few weeks.

She's not known for making good choices and had to get a restraining order against the last guy.

what's the definition of insanity (20s).

Great minds think alike, or at least our minds do, Butterfly. But I thought the same when I read this. If I had to boil down the sum total takeaway from all of the combined posts and stories here over the many years and from many different people, it would be doing the same things over and over while expecting better results. It really is insanity. But you see it time and again from so many people.

[AndrewP]

I was out last night to a charity auction for the local Christian youth ministry. I nice time out - picked up a Christmas present that will probably go to my daughter and some unusual art that I was sort of hoping to not be the high bidder on. 20S was there and she brought along the current beau. A decent enough guy although I can see some signs that he's feeling a bit overwhelmed by how one-sided the relationship is. He got along with 20S' dad over a common interest in snowmobiles.

20S asked if she and a few of her girlfriends can come over to my house in a few weeks to watch the Christmas parade. I'll make a big pot of chili I think. I have a new bread recipe that I'm thinking of trying later today. An oatmeal based loaf - fiber is my friend. I asked a friend who has a lot of experience in baking bread about how to ensure it rises best in my cold house and she advised me to put the dough on top of the refrigerator (in a bowl of course). I never would have thought of that.

She told me that my son has signed up for OLD - on Bumble I think. He's not mentioned that to me, but then again, I'm Dad and not a buddy. Nice to know that he's thinking about the future.

I've been spending some time with my friend C more regularly which is nice. Our paths seem to be crossing more frequently and we actually went out to dinner together a few weeks ago plus I bumped into her while out shopping on Friday evening. I believe that her interest is picking up and is perhaps part of why she seems to be around more. She was helping her friend out at the brewery on Saturday and I popped up for a brew. Her friend made a point of inviting me to a Christmas choral event at their church which C seemed very interested in me attending as well. I'll probably go - it should be a pleasant afternoon out and supporting a friend's endeavors is always a good idea. I believe I've been invited to her friend's parent's house after - I'm not sure. It was very busy right then and I was startled at being given someone's home address for what I presumed was a public event. I have the flyer for the event and will check it out. I do think that C's friends are in favour of us being a couple. I'm not sure what I think myself but am not wasting a lot of time worrying about that.

It was funny in part too because the prior day as I met with some friends at the brewery for an after-work beer, one of the staff made a point of introducing me to a new neighbour. A nice seeming lady who has just bought a house around the corner from me and is working on renovating it.

After I get my Sunday morning reading and plant reporting updated, I'm intending on heading out for brunch with my son. The weather has been dirty for the past few days but I think it will be ok. I'm going to do a bit of Christmas shopping after and then home for housework etc. I made him some apple crisp and have packaged up some sauerkraut for him that I got at a local fair recently. The smallest amount they had for sale was 5lbs which is a lot for me.

Happy Sunday all.

[kml]

Yes , top of the fridge is a good place to raise bread since warm air rises. I’ve had good success with putting it in the microwave (NOT turned on) - the enclosed space keeps it warm and moist, especially once the yeast starts working, as it generates a little bit of heat in its own.

[BL42]

AndrewP,

I've been spending some time with my friend C more regularly which is nice. Our paths seem to be crossing more frequently and we actually went out to dinner together a few weeks ago plus I bumped into her while out shopping on Friday evening. I believe that her interest is picking up and is perhaps part of why she seems to be around more.

Ask her out in a romantic capacity! Life is short.

[AndrewP]

Feeling a bit blah today probably in part due to an event last night.

I was out for a walk in the village and heard loud arguing. As I got closer, it was obvious that a domestic dispute was happening with one person sitting on the curb and another yelling at them.

I was noticed observing and the man approached me "what do you think you're doing". I responded that I was just making sure everyone was ok. He backed off but was unhappy. A car showed up right then and picked up the woman who first came over and thanked me for watching.

Sad.

---

I'm rather worried about one of my co-workers. His wife has been struggling with COPD for quite some time and has ended up in the hospital. They thought it might have been COVID but it's not. He was hoping that she might have been released on Friday and left work early to go see her. We have about 17 tonnes of nitric acid coming in on Monday that he's the only one who knows how to deal with it. Hopefully he's gotten good news over this weekend.

---

In more positive news, I'm going to be having brunch with my son shortly. I'm also hoping to perhaps swing by a craft show that is in that geography but am unsure of the timing as I also want to get some baking done. I picked up my Christmas tree yesterday and hope to get it up today. It's part of my tradition to have that for when the village parade happens which is later this afternoon. 20S is planning on stopping by with some friends and I have a big pot of chili started for us to share. I've also set up a live-stream for the parade on my personal web-site and will be recording a copy to post later.

One more charitable donation to make today to the local hospital foundation and my Christmas giving is done. I've been extra generous to the local food bank this year as I'm sure there are a lot of people struggling. Over-all my donations are up about 50% from last year.

Hopefully once I get out and about I'll shake this blah. I know that part of it is that I'm just feeling lonely and there's nothing to be done about that. Seeing that domestic situation last night certainly reminded me that it's better to be alone than with someone who isn't good for you. Despite my writing about "C", I'm still not in a place myself where I feel that I'm able to open myself up again. The last situation which was over 2 years ago now still has me feeling skittish.

Happy Sunday all, and for those who can, feel free to watch our little parade. It's supposed to be starting at 5:00 pm EST.

[AndrewP]

Well that was an exhausting weekend.

I had a decent brunch with my son. Sadly he was in one of his moods and had a lot of anger to let out about the state of the universe, the very real difficulties in getting ahead these days as a young person and possibly his Christmas plans. Being as I had decades of dealing with his mother who had similar anger issues and I hope have grown in the intervening years, I just let it roll off. He never said anything explicitly beyond that he "had other commitments" for Christmas day so we'll be celebrating on the 26th. He didn't seem happy about his "other commitments" either - I'm presuming he's being obliged to show up to some sort of family thing on his mother's side. Something that he never enjoyed.

I do find the negativity tiring but at least I don't tiptoe around it like I used to with his mother. I just nod in the right spots and validate that yes, political politics, housing, finances do indeed svck.


The friend who was supposed to show up to watch the parade with me was a no-show. I texted her later and she said that she had been sick. Sigh, she could have at least told me in advance before I made a large meal and did a bunch of cleaning.

The parade was one of our best in recent years. I'm putting the video together that will include sound right now which I'll post online later. I waved vigorously and wished one and all including the random cars that ended up accidentally joining the parade a very Merry Christmas.

I did get my tree up and decorated with only minor injuries. There certainly are times when an extra pair of hands can be useful. Had a bowl of chili and some fresh bread and then "very" early to bed because I was tired and just didn't want to deal.

[AndrewP]

Seems I'm jumping on a band-wagon. I've had a few dreams lately about being in a relationship and they were for the lack of a better word, "comfortable".

I'm setting myself a target of mid-March, so after my 59th birthday. If nothing organically hasn't happened by then, I'll consider putting some effort into reaching out to others.

Things have been sort of busy with work. We have a lot of cranes on site lately moving things around in the plant and finally the old "93" tower is being demolished. So I go out and take pictures from time to time from a safe distance. I was showing some to my boss and he suggested that they be indexed and labeled and then smiled when I said that 90% of the labels would be "cranes are cool". I do have a lot of respect for those operators and riggers who can take an awkward and unwieldy object, lift it more than 100' into the air and then set it down gently right on the button.

We've also been doing some hiring lately with 2 more engineers being on boarded and as of January an admin person who will be starting out as a maternity replacement. I was joking with the other admin staff that since I'll be on vacation when she starts that they'll have a week to prepare her for me

That big corporate project continues to drift towards doom. Sad in many ways but I'll continue to do my part and continue to work on the assumption that it will be a success but also having the backup plans in my pocket. I'm pretty sure that the senior leadership is exhausted with the delays and the excuses from the project leads. Corporately we've lost a few key players that haven't been replaced and I honestly can't see us being able to be resourced enough to have this work. But it's not my call. I had a chat with one of my colleagues the other day who was suggesting that I should be brought back into corporate and put in charge of these areas with a substantial pay rise, but it would take a lot of persuading to get me to leave the front lines at the plant.

---

In other news I have new neighbours. The side of the duplex to the west of me has activity and I bumped into the person who lives on the other side and they mentioned that a younger mother/daughter have moved in and that they seem like nice people. I'm going to have to be more diligent about closing my curtains on that side of the house I suppose. If I do some baking this weekend, I might take some over as a "welcome to the neighbourhood" gift.

It will be nice to have neighbours on that side again. The older lady who passed this fall was pleasant enough but I rarely saw her. And the young lad who moved in to the house on the East side of me is never out and about. I see his parents more than him.

I have made the decision that starting this year, that I'm going to start making my own Christmas traditions that are independent of the kids. They are both adults and have other demands on their time and so going forward I can reasonably expect that many Christmas mornings it will be just me and the cat. So this year, I'm going to indulge myself with some self-care and start the day with a nice breakfast, nosh on my stocking contents (Santa just seems to know what I like), do some baking and maybe go for a hike. Spending time with a good book and cheesy Christmas movies is also on the list. I also want to make myself a special but small dinner so need to figure out what I'll do for that. I don't want too much as there will be the big dinner with my son on the following day.

---

I was a bit surprised on Thursday when I was heading "in to town" to pick up something that my xW's house has no Christmas decorations up. In past years there has been something basic done, albeit even more basic than the few lights and decorations I have here. Although in hind-sight, it was generally me who did all of the decorating and was the first to start the Christmas music. I do so love this holiday, actually most of the celebrations that occur that remind me of how so very thankful I am for all of my good fortune. Ah well - none of my concern on what is going on in her life. I just send the payment each month and each month, she continues to stay away

Next year will be the last full year of making alimony payments. Phew - it's been a long road for that. I'm fortunate in that the tax benefits help with some of the cost as it directly reduces my taxable income and I file forms to take advantage of that each pay. The following year since there will only be three payments I don't think I'm going to bother with that and just get a bigger than usual tax refund.

Given that I expect that alimony is at least 1/3 of her income and maybe as much as 1/2, I would imagine that the count-down is a topic of thought on the other side as well. It makes me grateful that I negotiated that neither party can ask for the agreement to be re-opened. Although since she and OM have been living together for quite some time she'd have a hard time I think justifying re-opening the agreement. It certainly would be an expensive thing for her to even try. Given how the cost of living has gone up in the 5 years since we negotiated the payment the fixed amount she gets is undoubtedly buying less and less each month. Fortunately for me, I've done decently in getting pay rises in recent years and am actually to the point I think where my net pay is back to what it was 5 years ago before I started paying her. Although inflation is certainly hurting my own budget quite a bit despite that.

6 months after I'm done paying her off, my car is paid for as well so that will be a nice change to the monthly cash-flow. All of the extra cash is intended to pay down the mortgage which I wouldn't have except for the divorce anyway.

Should be a good weekend of taking things slow. There's essentially no-where I have to be at any particular time other than the flower shop and bakery where I'm expected to be boring and predictable / consistent and reliable in showing up when and as expected

I have a light switch that's been needing to be replaced for a couple of weeks to do plus the sort of usual baking, cleaning etc that every household needs. There's a couple of home automation projects that I've been wanting to spend some time on that hopefully I can tinker with as well. I've replaced my timers that are used with my Christmas lights with smart plugs and also installed "in use" outlets outside so that's been neat.

I have noticed as I get closer to re-opening myself to dating that I've also become a lot more careful in what I post on social media including places like this. Those of us who indulge do indeed leave a digital trail and there's also what I want to be seen by those who may be lurkers in the shrubberies. So while there's a bunch of things going on that I'd like to explore, I'm keeping it boring here.

Odd to think that it's now coming up on 7 years since my xW (to the best of my knowledge) started her affair in earnest. Where does the time go. There had always been rumours of her being unfaithful that really came out after we split. I do miss being part of an intact family and regret the loss of the future that I had expected.

There have been times, lately, when I dearly wished that I could change the past. Well, I can’t, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out to be a past worth having.

I think that one thing that is very different from my last attempt at dating over 3 years ago, is that I now have no expectation of "success". Back then, and as friends assured me that a decent fella with all his own teeth was a "catch" for the right gal. I also am reminded of when I was young and fishing in the Mighty [name redacted] River that ran through the farm I grew up on, of the carp and sucker fish that were the easiest things to catch. They were big fish too, but also tasted like mud when cooked and weren't worth the effort.

Ah well - the tea pot is empty. The plant production has been reviewed and things appear to be chugging along. I have to go over the lab results still but there's no huge rush as long as that is taken care of before Monday.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Andrew

I have made the decision that starting this year, that I'm going to start making my own Christmas traditions that are independent of the kids. They are both adults and have other demands on their time and so going forward I can reasonably expect that many Christmas mornings it will be just me and the cat. So this year, I'm going to indulge myself with some self-care and start the day with a nice breakfast, nosh on my stocking contents (Santa just seems to know what I like), do some baking and maybe go for a hike. Spending time with a good book and cheesy Christmas movies is also on the list.

Excellent!

Yes, living sans kids leads to new traditions for self. And when the hoard comes over, those family traditions can still happen. Be it a day or days earlier or later.

I have a light switch that's been needing to be replaced for a couple of weeks to do…

Will work for Christmas baking. LOL!

I just replaced a couple of three way switches at the top and bottom of the stairs with illuminated switches. Really nice with it so dark until late in the morning. I don’t have to fumble around trying to find the switch. And it is a bit of a night light too.

One more year to go with the payments. Very nice. That will certainly ease things financially for you. Debt-fee and sixty. (Rhymes. )

Crank the Christmas music my friend and enjoy the season.

D

[DonH]

I also am reminded of when I was young and fishing in the Mighty [name redacted] River that ran through the farm I grew up on, of the carp and sucker fish that were the easiest things to catch. They were big fish too, but also tasted like mud when cooked and weren't worth the effort.

Pretty darn good analogy Andrew. Extra points if you came up with it entirely on your own! Never heard or used that parallel but certainly have lived it most of my life. I've always been a quality over quality guy and often dated better than I may have deserved, at least in the looks department. So I've not had a lot of regrets but have had gaps in-between, sometimes sizable ones. Although every time I listened to well-meaning friends and lowered my expectations and overlooked red flags I often later regretted it. I suspect even though you didn't listen, you now regret it. Still, I find myself again considering I may need to stop shooting so high, especially at this age. Thing is, we all are better at spotting those flags, or at least we should be, so it makes it even harder to roll the dice or take a chance.

Then again, when I've got friends and recently even a family member all assuring me I'm getting more action than they are - and they are all married - and it's not like I have all that much to brag about in recently years either yet I'm somehow still besting them... Well I guess it tends to put things into perspective.

Maybe we just need to start working on acceptance.