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Boundaries are not for other people, Andrew. They are for you.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Happy Labour Day! I'm trying to get caught up on some work things and ended up diverted here.

I've been advised that I'm going to probably get a new job title at work that will make me more or less an official manager. It's vague like the one I have right now but more aligned with my current role.

It turns out that a small capital project I had to replace the surveillance system cameras etc at the plant got chopped. So - going from an anticipated budget of about 53K to whatever I can scrape up. I went on my own time on Saturday and picked up a computer for $45 to use for one of our shacks with a spare screen for a monitoring station vs a "proper" new panel. I already replaced the NVR with another machine that was sitting as a spare and installed open source software on it - yes - he's still a propeller head crazy

Instead of $1,000-$3,000 robust cameras properly wired in, I'll be trying some $35 Wyze WiFi cameras like what I use on my home system. I've told them that we'll need to have spares on the shelf because they will probably need to be replaced fairly regularly. Fortunately I only need to have 2 cameras that can be remotely moved and should be able to repurpose some existing cameras for that. I have some other ideas on alternatives too but want to keep the scope to getting just what absolutely needs to happen done and hope to be able to do it "right" in the next CAPEX cycle. It's like I tell people, you can have it fast, cheap or right. Pick 2. Looks like we're going for fast and cheap.

The operations manager isn't happy either as he also would prefer to do things "right" so that will present a few challenges as I'll need to borrow some of his people to construct mounts and run cables. I'm not rated / trained for working at heights and never did get the hang of welding so can't do all of the legwork myself.

Wouldn't be the first time and undoubtedly won't be the last that I substitute sweat for money.

This will free up some money for other plant projects though that will directly impact our production capabilities. We've been having some challenges with some equipment and when we go into shutdown next month and the plant cools off so we can inspect and repair there is an expectation of some unexpected issues.

---

Not much else happening here. I had a small can of Dulce de Leche that was due to expire so used it to make a significant amount of pudding which will be desert for the next number of days. Since that used egg yolks, I now have a fair amount of egg whites to use up. I'm thinking of perhaps having another attempt at making a soufflé. My first one was a bit disappointing because I didn't do a great job making the meringue.

I also added some chopped garlic and sun-dried tomatoes to "liven up" my weekly loaf of fresh baked bread. An experiment that seems to have turned out well.

---

Cuffing season is fast approaching along with the urge to pair up again. I've gotten so comfortable living in my own space that the thought of sharing it again is worrisome after the last disaster. The first time around, it actually worked out pretty well and we did share the space I thought fairly well for the couple of months that it lasted but "B" had put a lot of thought into it and "added" rather removing and replacing.

I hope she's doing well. I still think highly of her even though we were not compatible. I have no idea what she's up to or even where she is. None of my business after-all and I've not really looked.

I've been reading elsewhere on the topic of middle-aged dating. Being as both genders post and not generally with a focus on "what was" like we tend to here, it's been enlightening. I had a couple of women reach out via the chat feature which was nice but I made it clear that I was firmly parked on the sidelines at this point.

A lot of interesting perspectives as people talk about the dating process and how they personally approach and feel about it / what worked and what didn't. There are quite a few people there who like myself are uncertain / ambivalent about the whole dating thing. The topic of "living apart together" comes up quite a lot although personally that wouldn't be something I would want long term but could see it as a necessary stage for some time for someone like myself.

---

Well - back to my exciting data validation process. Blech. But needs to be done. I did get the sweeping and dusting done yesterday and need to do the scrubbing and ironing today. I'd hoped to give the floors a good scrubbing this weekend but will move that to another day.

Have a good one all.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
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A busy and stressful week. The corporate meeting was on Tuesday and overall went well although they tried to drag me more into a project in another division. Fortunately the COO supported my opinion that they actually bring in a proper expert rather than just someone everyone already knew.

Since I lost funding for the surveillance system replacement, I brought in one of the cheap "home" cameras to see the rail-siding and it worked surprisingly well. The key problem was that it can only see two cars clearly at a time as it doesn't have an optical zoom. The guys were pretty happy and one went out with his portable welder and tacked on a piece to one of the vertical girders to better place the camera as he thought (and was right) that it would help.

I had a laugh because after I got the camera set up, I advised the management team and the president said that he quite liked the clarity of the images but was annoyed because he saw a couple of instances of staff not properly following safety protocols.

I did reach out to "C" and she has a lot going on as always. Still struggling to get her divorce through almost 6 years out. Her X is a lawyer and fairly high up in the legal community and from C's point of view, is being a jerk about it. She's required to not disclose any details and I'm probably happier not knowing them. All I know is that there's currently a flurry of activity back and forth so for her sake, I do hope that she's getting close to being able to get things signed.

We've texted back and forth a bit through the week. She's off to Europe for a week or so now and mentioned that she'll be in my geography in early October so we'll probably visit. I'm treating this as "seeing a friend" as I don't really know if I want anything more and of course, can't speak to her own opinions on such things.

On Instagram my x-girlfriend "S" popped up as "someone you may know" which I interpret as she's lurked on my profile, so I lurked on her's. She rarely posts anything there and had a post where she mentioned that "we" were in Niagara Falls and had a picture from a hotel room with a nice view. So it seems that she is thriving and may or may not have a new beau. The "we" could be a girlfriend. I think the consensus here was that she wouldn't be long in replacing me. From other things I saw it might actually be xH#2 who had been supporting her via child support for the past probably 15 years. They always had an amicable relationship and she used to try to cut me down by pointing out how much money he made vs me even though he was chronically broke.

They live similar lifestyles, eat convenience foods, don't think much about housekeeping and have similar hoarding issues. S used to store a lot of her stuff in his storage locker which personally I think is odd for someone to do with an ex partner. On the other hand, her kids told me that I was the only person to ever dump "her", so he presumably had a soft spot for her.

I wish her / them well assuming that they are a pair. It eases my mind a bit to imagine that she's going to live a life that she'll be happy with. I don't wish her ill, I just wished her away crazy

Not much else going on. I'm out for brunch with my son shortly. Liver and onions with mashed potatoes and fresh bread and perhaps fresh baked apple crumble is on the menu for tonight. The butcher shop did a good job of finding me single serving sized portions along with a nice leg of lamb that I'll roast up perhaps in a few weeks. I do so enjoy roast lamb. Looking at the calendar, I'll need to get my Thanksgiving meal supplies lined up - need to clear some freezer room first.

Enjoy the day db friends.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Well - oh my. People are just dropping like flies lately. The older lady who lived next door passed a couple of weeks ago. They found her on her kitchen floor. Presumably complications of the cancers she had. Sad but at 90 not too much of a shock.

The of course the Queen passing at 96. Again not too much of a shock. Still trying to get my head around the fact that Charles III is now king and of course there's the whole Camilla thing ...

The big one though is that an acquaintance of mine hung himself at his long term girlfriend's house a couple of days ago. She found him and did her best with CPR. He was a close friend of my youngest sister and she is the mother of my youngest brother's wife. So hitting more than a bit close to home. They'd had a long-distance relationship for at least 4-5 years.

I presume he was more or less my age, a cheerful, helpful guy who as far as I know had been single for a very long time. It just goes to show I suppose that a cheerful exterior can cover up a lot of things that are underneath.

As a bit of irony, his job was as a manager at a company that retrieves bodies after people died and take care of the site. His death in this fashion undoubtedly has some meaning that is none of my concern.

This is yet another time when having someone around to help me with the thinking and processing would be really good for me.

From what I gather from my sister-in-law, her mother is of course struggling pretty hard right now. I'm not very close to her mother of course although I've known her for a very long time. A decent woman who had her daughter when in high-school and is actually a couple of years younger than I am. She had a couple of bad relationships as well but mainly has stayed single her entire life. I wish there was something concrete I could do to help, but there's not. SIL did say that a card of condolence would be very welcome so I will definitely do that today.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Wow - so sad.

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Very, very sad. I’m sorry for all of these losses weighing heavy on your heart.


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



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i'm so sorry Andrew. Difficult to know what to say in a situation like this. I think a card is a kindness she will appreciate.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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(((Andrew))) that’s a lot of loss and I’m sorry. Hugs and sunshine with some biscuits and gravy and sweet tea are sent from down south.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
They'd had a long-distance relationship for at least 4-5 years.... His death in this fashion undoubtedly has some meaning that is none of my concern.

All around sad, but definitely makes me wonder what was going on in their relationship. He chose her house for a reason and knew she would be the one to find him.

It's a reminder that things are not always as they appear to be. Enjoy each day that we're given. ♥

How was brunch with your son last week?

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Originally Posted by AndrewP
It just goes to show I suppose that a cheerful exterior can cover up a lot of things that are underneath.
Indeed. I remember learning the word "façade" in health class back in school...understand much better now what they were teaching back then and how it applies in real life.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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