No such luck

[Ginger1]

B-I read your post yesterday and again and again and it made me cry! Thank you for putting everything in perspective for me. It’s so hard for me because every year since my ex left I said “this year will be different, I wont be alone and I’ll have a family” it never happened. It was a tough bullet to bite getting married having a kid and divorcing before 30. Having everyone tell you all the time you’ll meet someone have more kids, a family, etc, and it never happening.

But I do look at the blessings in my life. A great kid. A career. Friends. My health. Maybe no money, but I have a roof over my head and food on the table and I work hard for the extras. I may not do to well in the area of romantic relationships and men choosing or attracting. But I guess not so bad in other areas.

My birthday was kind of miserable. My friend missed her flight, then her second one got cancelled, and my other friend had her last day of quarantine of covid yesterday. So the people I was supposed to spend my birthday with couldn’t make it, therefore, I spent it alone. D stayed, because she was going to a show at the school with a friend. I went to the gym in the morning, ran some errands ( picked D up early from school because she whacked her head the night before and had a headache and no Tylenol) brought D to her thing and got a massage then watched the hockey game. I was just down in the dumps. Texan did reach out the night before . He admitted to a problem. And he went to his first AA meeting yesterday. If anything comes out of us, maybe it’s recovery, but who knows if he is trying for the right reasons. Another guy from my past reached out to randomly, but not realizing it was birthday.

Today will be a better day. My friend’s flight should be coming in at 2pm. Hopefully. They are staying here tonight, hopefully tomorrow we will go to our other friend and the winery.

Thanks for all the support and birthday wishes

[bttrfly]

B-I read your post yesterday and again and again and it made me cry! Thank you for putting everything in perspective for me. It’s so hard for me because every year since my ex left I said “this year will be different, I wont be alone and I’ll have a family” it never happened. It was a tough bullet to bite getting married having a kid and divorcing before 30. Having everyone tell you all the time you’ll meet someone have more kids, a family, etc, and it never happening.

Far and away one of the most difficult parts of my D was losing my family. It's taken me what, 7 years since BD to start to have a different perspective on this: I DO have a family, it just looks a whole lot different than the one I thought I'd have at this age. I have my son, and I thank God every day that he's still here. I now have this amazing person in the form of his gf who is a pure delight. You know how much I miss my parents, but my cousins, especially those on my Mom's side, are nearby and I'm learning with each passing year how much they care about us. Is it the same? No. Do I miss my exh ... yeah, I do sometimes miss the guy he used to be, but he hasn't been that guy in well over a decade. But I have close friends who are family. At this point, they've been on this road with me for a really long time - my bff from HS, some since my early 20s. I'm talking the inner circle people - and I know you know what I mean because you have them too. So the family doesn't exactly look the way I pictured it, but the people who are here in our lives want to be here, and love us. This is a true gift, G. Embrace the unconventional family you have in the form of your closest friends.

But I do look at the blessings in my life. A great kid. A career. Friends. My health. Maybe no money, but I have a roof over my head and food on the table and I work hard for the extras. I may not do to well in the area of romantic relationships and men choosing or attracting. But I guess not so bad in other areas.

A grateful heart is key.

My birthday was kind of miserable. My friend missed her flight, then her second one got cancelled, and my other friend had her last day of quarantine of covid yesterday. So the people I was supposed to spend my birthday with couldn’t make it, therefore, I spent it alone. D stayed, because she was going to a show at the school with a friend. I went to the gym in the morning, ran some errands ( picked D up early from school because she whacked her head the night before and had a headache and no Tylenol) brought D to her thing and got a massage then watched the hockey game. I was just down in the dumps.

Is not-so-little G ok?

One of my oldest and dearest friends shares your bday. She too had a miserable day yesterday. I'm going to chalk it up to getting all the misery out in the first 24 hours so the rest of your collective birthday year(s) will be wonderful!

Texan did reach out the night before . He admitted to a problem. And he went to his first AA meeting yesterday. If anything comes out of us, maybe it’s recovery, but who knows if he is trying for the right reasons. Another guy from my past reached out to randomly, but not realizing it was birthday.

I'd say that it doesn't really matter why someone starts their journey to sobriety/recovery, just as long as they start it. Sooner or later they will realize that they are in fact now doing it for the right reasons, regardless of how they started, or they will relapse. That's the usual way that goes, from my observation.

Today will be a better day. My friend’s flight should be coming in at 2pm. Hopefully. They are staying here tonight, hopefully tomorrow we will go to our other friend and the winery.

Thanks for all the support and birthday wishes

Only one way to go from a miserable day and that's up. You always have my support G. xoxoxo enjoy your time with the gals xoxoxo

[BL42]

Ginger1,

Happy belated. Sorry your birthday didn't go as planned, or rather miserable, but hope your friend made it into town and you had fun at the winery.

I'm sure it can be lonely and frustrating at times without a long term partner, but I like your perspective on your life blessings: a great kid, career, friends, health, house...etc. All good stuff.

Here to another trip around the sun!

[Traveler]

@Ginger, happy birthday! I'm sorry you spent yours alone. I'm glad to hear Texan is going to AA. Whatever his motive, that's a sign you were a good influence on his life. He sounds like he's trying. I wonder if he'll get a second chance?

[Ginger1]

Thanks for the birthday wishes! The day after my friends finally came in. They stayed here, we went out to dinner and I got lots and lots of cuddle time with the baby. He’s a 2 month old 10 pounder . So sweet and cute, even when he cries. I love to watch my friend and husband. They work so well together and love that baby so much. They did a few rounds of IVF and when they decided to take a break, they got pregnant on their own! The next day we went to our other friends and went to a really nice winery by her house. Rented a cabana and ate and drank some wine.

TodAy I am going to the gym and maybe going to a kind of “famous” Korean day spa we have here. There is a rooftop pool that over looks NYC. A day of relaxation! Back to the grind tomorrow

[JujuB]

Hi ginger - Happy Belated Birthday!

I just read up and I’m glad to see you are healthy and your daughter is doing great and you are independently holding down a home in an area most people could never do.

I’m sorry you are meeting so many losers. It’s not you. It’s just not. You have absolutely everything going for you. Looks, career, personality, insight, and emotional intelligence.

So maybe just put your energies torwards the person most deserving of it - you. Self care and self love is a luxury that those in relationships don’t always have the time for. So take advantage of it now with the work outs and spas maybe some travel and reading. Enjoy that opportunity and when the right person comes along everything will fall into place.

[uRworthy]

Hey my friend. I know you know you have a lot of great things to be grateful for. I also hope you know how amazing you are.

But I get it. You want someone to share a life with. Nothing wrong with that. Doesn't mean you cant or don't appreciate all that you have. You just want it.

Nothing wrong or abnormal or selfish about that.

I believe truly, that it happens like this... when you dont expect it and when you dont go after it. I dont mean dont go on dates. I dont mean just forget it. What I mean is..I think it happens when it is supposed to. I am not sure if it is God who plans it or if it is what you put out in the world or anything else.

I just mean that you have to live your life. You have to let it go and just let it happen.

I do think that you do attract people with issues. Not consciously. Not because of something you do or dont. But you are a very compassionate person. And while others may not give someone a second glance or chance, you would.

You know I have been telling you for years that you have to do something different than what you have been.

I am not sure what it is exactly. I dont think online dating is working for you at the moment. There is nothing wrong with it. I just think you should take a little break.

Put yourself out there in groups of things you are interested in. Or start your own group.
Think outside the box a bit. Try something new. You have nothing to lose.

[Ginger1]

Juju! I’m so happy to hear from you and I’m so glad you are doing well. Getting married?!? That’s awesome! Of course, I wish I could have gone on one date and found the guy I wanted to marry, but obviously not meant for me and I am meeting lots of losers and it’s draining. Thanks for all your kind words. I am really super excited for you and your son.

I’ve turned my attention away from OLD for a bit. It seems like a necessary evil, but I’m not having luck. I do agree, UR, that I might attract these people because of compassionate nature and wanting to give people who have struggled a chance likewise. I do need to become more discerning.

As far as doing something different. I’ve joined a new gym which I love. It’s all classes and small
Personal training. I could only hope Mr. right joins a class or maybe I become friends with someone who has a single friend. I take up the offer on nearly every social invite I get. Even when I feel like doing nothing. I’m social, I’m not a hermit, although sometimes I wish I was, lol.

I guess it’s still not my time. I’m the meantime, I’m just going to keep on chugging along

[Ginger1]

I forgot to mention. I had a dream about my ex.

I had my friends here and spent time with them and their new baby. I just loved watching their partnership, how good they are to eachother, what relaxed parents they are and how happy they are.

I guess that manifested itself in a dream for me. My ex and I had our daughter again. And we were in love. We were eating up every moment of our daughter, being so helpful to eachother and we had so much love for eachother .

I wish I could have a do over sometimes. I didn’t get to enjoy it the way I should have. The tension was there, I knew something wasn’t right . And then by 6 months , I was a single parent going through complete devastation. I didn’t get to enjoy my one and only’s early years the way I should have. I was blinded by hurt and fear. It probably the biggest thing taken away from me in all of this

[BL42]

Dreams are tough. Impossible to control, and tempting in fantasy, yet you wake up to face a stark reality.