I'm so excited for you and excited you are enjoying your new guy and having fun! And, I'm like you, I'd be moving towards exclusivity pretty quickly too. If I like someone, I can only focus on one at at time like you. Nothing wrong with that, as long as it doesn't feel like pressure for either person, right?!
As for the 'out of a serious relationship for only about 4 mos', I agree that it might be a red flag, but it also might not be. It's one of those things you need to better understand. I started dating within months of my 1st divorce. But I had also had 5 years of unhappiness and 2 years of joint counseling. So when I was done, I was done. I think if this guy's heart was broken and he wanted the past relationship to continue, then that might be of concern. But if he was the one to break it off, or there was some other resolution where you feel his heart and mind was settled, I don't think the timeline matters as much. We are adults at this point. We know better what we need and want. Just keep asking questions and pay attention to any red flags. I agree with your approach completely. So just enjoy yourself and see where it goes. Just like you said.
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
So 3 dates over 2 weeks time or maybe 3 weeks? and he’s already your boyfriend? Now if this were Andrew or Traveler or some others what would you be saying and suggesting? But I’m sure this is different? It’s not necessarily bad but cannot be argued it’s very fast. Is he twice divorced? Again I’m not saying it’s bad. I am saying you’d look at it very differently if it was someone else. There is no rush. So why the rush?
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I’m with you Ginger. I am not someone who can date multiple people at once. If I get past a second date with a guy and we both want a third, chances are I am at least snoozing my dating profiles until I see where it goes. I wouldn’t necessarily call him by boyfriend but I wouldn’t see the point in going out with other people if I’ve already found someone I want to invest time in getting to know.
Really happy for you G. You deserve to have something good happen. I’m with Elbereth. Enjoy yourself and see where it goes. Please be careful with your heart though. Give it some time before you go all in. Look out for the love bomber (hopefully not him). I dated a recently divorced guy about six months before I met XH who was a love bomber and literally swept me off my feet. In six weeks of dating, he bought me jewelry, flowers, chocolates, and perfume (not my birthday or Valentine’s Day) and even took me on a trip to Vegas. He told me he loved me and that I was his soul mate. He introduced me to his best friend, a couple of coworkers and his two sons. I could not believe how into me he was and TBH, I was pretty into him too. And then a job came up in his area (we lived an hour apart) and I mentioned it to him and that I was thinking of applying. He panicked…told me he was having some health issues and that is was “all too much” and he”couldn’t do it” and then refused to see or talk to me for a week. And then for some bizarre reason, we went to see a movie together (I cannot recall why we did that) and it was so strained and awkward that we kinda just stopped talking with no real resolution other than I just decided he was a bit of a flake. Looking back, I think it very well could have been a rebound and me musing about applying for a job in his area was too big of a dose of reality to introduce into the fantasy that was our relationship. My dad was also dying and my sister had just been diagnosed with cancer as well so I was going through a rough time and my pain and fear around that was a bit too much for him to handle. Anyway…bullet dodged… long story short…he ended up remarrying about six years later to someone who lived in his area and he and I became FaceBook friends…lol.
So get to know this guy and let him get to know you (the real you) but don’t give your heart away until he has really earned it.
I'm so thrilled for you and totally understand why you would go the exclusive route even a few dates in. Like DV said, I'm a one at a time kind of girl, so if I had a few successful dates, I would want to go ahead and just date that one person until we either decided to continue to something more serious or decided to part ways. Now, I don't think (and because we are similar, I think you'll agree) that it means that you are rushing to ILU or anything like that. You are just a mature woman who has no interest in bouncing back and forth among several different options. Stick with one option, see where it goes, then act accordingly. I wouldn't have a problem with anyone, man or woman, doing this. My problem with this is when it rushes to ILU whether you feel it or not, in response to the other person saying it.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Really, LH? Because many people would like to know, before they sleep with someone and risk STDs, whether they are also sleeping with other people at the same time, so that they can gauge the risk.
All excellent advice. It’s been more than 8 days. We had been talking quite a bit on the phone prior to meeting. And maybe I am just that awesome, LH that he just wants to see me, duh. But seriously, yes, he can be a little insecure. But it wasn’t a deep convo about it. It was “ I just want to date you “ convo
It’s what works for us. I know the only time I think about dating multiple people is when I really am not into the one I am already dating. I like to keep my focus. He wants to keep his focus. Sometimes, it just clicks. Not often. That’s for sure but we just click.
ILU’s are not happening anytime soon. I take that pretty seriously and o don’t throw that word around . Anything in the beginning is infatuation. I don’t think you can truly love someone until you have had a disagreement or a hardship together. Love is how you handle stuff in when things aren’t all roses. He’s not love bombing me. He’s expressive with his feelings, but nothing over the top. I think early on I’m some cases, you can say to yourself “ I can see myself falling in love with this one” but yeah, you just can’t truly love someone that early on .
We just like spending time together, we can talk on the phone forever. I just don’t have any extra time or want to give any extra time to anyone else .
Really, LH? Because many people would like to know, before they sleep with someone and risk STDs, whether they are also sleeping with other people at the same time, so that they can gauge the risk.
Well in the beginning I typically wear a condom. I assume most woman don't sleep with multiple men at the same time and those that will are going to lie anyways.
