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Originally Posted by KitCat
Things got cold because I pushed pretty hard. He made some lame comment about how didn't care about me or my business and I sent screen shots where he was recently very much asking me about my business - like how was my day? how was my flight? etc.

So you had to prove you were right. I bet that reminded him of old KK.
Originally Posted by KitCat
It was a huge push and made him angry and all his walls came back up.

So KK just like with the pilot and his kibble and bits you think these minor things are what push them away when the truth is they were never there in the first place for anything other than sex.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I wish he would have just mailed the d*mn title... or at least not come to ring the doorbell. I didn't want to see him.
You do not sound very detached.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I know there is still part of me that wants to ask him to come back home. I'm afraid it will always be there.
When you are running around with pilot you fine. When you are alone you think up horrible ideas.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I hurt so bad. I cannot wait to get to bed and just lay in one spot.
Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Tomorrow is another day.


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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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LH -- I meant I hurt physically NOT emotionally when I wanted to lay in bed. smile

And you are correct for calling me out on showing XH I was right --- No excuse. I was reacting defensively to some mean things he said.

I've really had to sit my butt down and work on not needing to say the last word. Its gotten better over the last 2yr. Learning to walk to away after they have their say. I still F up from time to time.

As for wanting to ask my H back home... that's where my brain takes me, the fairytail I seem to want to live in. He went out of his way to bring it to me rather than mail it and even when I said I did not want to see him... he still tried. And, then my brain goes to the place that maybe part of him still wants me... BARF. So that is the reason I said no to his meet up.

Maybe I'm not detached. Maybe I never will be but I thought I was doing the right thing by telling him no to seeing him.

As for pilot... I just put a torch to that MoFo... I told him he I was not perfect but that he was an Ahole. I deeply regret the name calling. That is a bit beneath me but I did not have a single friend who didn't cheer me on when I said I did that.

I have a 4 day weekend and NO PLANS...

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I think you never have been able to detach because you have never distanced yourself from him.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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Hey KitCat! Sorry you’ve had a crap time and hit your head. And I hope the 2x4’s below don’t come across as harsh, but they are sent from a place of care.

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I'm not sure why you are stonewalling me but I guess it doesn't matter does it

If an ex texted me a fishing/attention seeking bait like this, I’d be roughly a ba-jillion times less likely to respond to any future messages.

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But, his dismissive avoidance triggers the anxious person in me...

Sounds like you’re trying to make your issue with avoidance/people pleasing his fault.

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I did not want to see him so I lied and said "no".

Why? How about “Yes I’m home, but I don’t want to see you. Just leave it in the mail box.”

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Anyway, I texted pilot that today totally sucked and that I had fallen off a ladder, etc.

GUESS WHAT??? Nothing but crickets.

You seem to have an insatiable need for validation. If pilot guy is a douche, why do you want him to care so much? Maybe that’s something that needs to be explored further.

If you keep sticking your hand in a fire, you’ll keep getting hurt.

LH is correct. Detach, detach, detach!

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Hey Kit -

Sorry to hear about the fall, hope you feel better soon.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned your anxious attachment style. Clearly Pilot is an avoidant, I just don't think that would ever work out if you were to actually date him.

I would recommend investing some time in researching more about attachment styles and why you seem to fixate on avoidant partners. Apparently there are some really good books out now about attachment styles, maybe that will help point you in a direction.

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Originally Posted by Kind18
Hey KitCat! Sorry you’ve had a crap time and hit your head. And I hope the 2x4’s below don’t come across as harsh, but they are sent from a place of care.

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I'm not sure why you are stonewalling me but I guess it doesn't matter does it

If an ex texted me a fishing/attention seeking bait like this, I’d be roughly a ba-jillion times less likely to respond to any future messages.

YEP... I did get a response... and then he went dark. I hear what you are saying. I was not dealing with a moment ((actually several days)) of frustration very well. That's on me.

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But, his dismissive avoidance triggers the anxious person in me...

Sounds like you’re trying to make your issue with avoidance/people pleasing his fault.

No... not making my anxious attachment issues his fault. Just recognizing my response is a knee jerk reaction to his behavior. I'm working on it.

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I did not want to see him so I lied and said "no".

Why? How about “Yes I’m home, but I don’t want to see you. Just leave it in the mail box.”


YES!!! That's a million times better! I panicked??? Remember I had just hit my head really bad... smile

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Anyway, I texted pilot that today totally sucked and that I had fallen off a ladder, etc.

GUESS WHAT??? Nothing but crickets.

You seem to have an insatiable need for validation. If pilot guy is a douche, why do you want him to care so much? Maybe that’s something that needs to be explored further.

If you keep sticking your hand in a fire, you’ll keep getting hurt.

LH is correct. Detach, detach, detach!

You're right that was attention seeking. He's also an EMT. I thought at least there might have been a little help there.

I'm still a work in progress.

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Originally Posted by Thornton
Hey Kit -

Sorry to hear about the fall, hope you feel better soon.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned your anxious attachment style. Clearly Pilot is an avoidant, I just don't think that would ever work out if you were to actually date him.

I would recommend investing some time in researching more about attachment styles and why you seem to fixate on avoidant partners. Apparently there are some really good books out now about attachment styles, maybe that will help point you in a direction.

Last night was really rough!!!! The pain was really bad. There was no way to get around it. I could not move and even sitting or just lying down ----- no relief.

This morning I was able to slowly get into the car. Went and got coffee and stopped at the pharmacy.

I literally... I kid you not have those jumbo pain patches all over my body. They have helped with the muscle tension but I'm pretty sure I broke my tail bone. That pain is intense and not budging.

So now I'm drinking wine.... one way or the other I'm going to kill this pain. smile

As for attachement styles - I'm actually anxious avoidant. And, yes, I've done tons of reading, pod casts videos learning about my issues and my protest methods. I can look back and recognize why I did a certain thing... now I just have to work on not doing those things ahead of time.

I've dated anxious partners before and that triggers my avoidance side... Pilot is clearly avoidant so that is triggering my anxious side. I've done a lot of reading of how you can make the anxious and avoidant coupling work - let's face it. Anxious and avoidants attract each other.

Anyway, I recognize I still have a lot of work to do.

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KK,

I wonder how much of a weight would be lifted from you if today you declared that a relationship with the Pilot or exh is NEVER going to happen and the option is not on the table.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2932821 04/22/22 05:42 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
KK,

I wonder how much of a weight would be lifted from you if today you declared that a relationship with the Pilot or exh is NEVER going to happen and the option is not on the table.

Well - I've avoided seeing XH... and I texted pilot yesterday that he was an AHole.

Thought that was pretty much me burning those bridges???

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Originally Posted by KitCat
Originally Posted by LH19
KK,

I wonder how much of a weight would be lifted from you if today you declared that a relationship with the Pilot or exh is NEVER going to happen and the option is not on the table.

Well - I've avoided seeing XH... and I texted pilot yesterday that he was an AHole.

Thought that was pretty much me burning those bridges???

No. Not by sabotaging them and calling people a holes.

By saying “ I know a relationship is never going to happen with them and a relationship is what I want, so I have decided it’s never going to happen “

You don’t have to burn the bridges by name calling. You need to burn the bridges by making a conscious and clear choice

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