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#2932530 04/11/22 09:19 PM
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KitCat Offline OP
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Originally Posted by KitCat
I would love to hear from him again but I would be surprised. He is super talented at ghosting and it doesn't take much to trigger it. All I can do is give him space but d*mn if I'm not pissed about it!!!! But, I no longer chasing him. He has my number.

Being super talented at ghosting says something about who he is as a person. If he were internet dating, I’m sure my XH would have this talent as well. This is likely a bullet dodged my friend.

Last edited by DejaVu6; 04/11/22 10:23 PM.

Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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^^ why would you love to hear from him again if he is a master at ghosting, isn’t consistent says the stuff he does? There is no sex that is worth all of that.

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I hear you Ginger!!! I was referring to his past behavior and was expecting more of the same... given how the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior... blah blah blah.

I reached out with an olive branch mid-week.... SILENCE. I finally just got into my "I" statements. I'm trying to get out of my own head and stop expecting people to know how I feel or what I want... so into the "I feel like you don't like me when I don't hear from you for several days... followed up with I like X about him, giving him some appreciation" ANY psychologist would have thrown amazing kudos to the statement giving my feelings voice without being defensive or critical. GO ME!!!

I know that he is dismissive avoidant... and its imperative to give a lot of space after something like that... and while I've really worked on my issues with patience... frack I still crack.

After another day I texted him "I'm not sure why you are stonewalling me but I guess it doesn't matter does it" He finally responded that "its been a shitshow all week, he's 30hr no sleep so chill out, I don't need your snide comments"

I don't mind a guy calling me out on my sh*t and telling me to chill out. Its been a rough week apparently. But, it really only takes 2.5sec to text Hi, or hey, I'll get back to you later. In the past he has texted pretty frequently when he travels.

But, his dismissive avoidance triggers the anxious person in me... the terrible people pleaser I am. I tried to keep it upbeat in my response. I validated his bad week, I apologized for my behavior and I said I hated that his week went so badly.

AND, then the world turns......

My XH texted me yesterday asking if I would be home tonight. His texts are on mute so it was some weird twist of fate I even noticed that he texted.

I did not want to see him so I lied and said "no". He was supposed to mail the car title to me but now he wants to see me???

He responded that he would be in my town later today and asked if he could drop off the car title in my mailbox.

NOW---- I had literally just fallen 5ft backwards off a ladder landing on the back of my head and lower back. I was in a lot of pain and had just been lying on the floor for the longest time not able to get up.

I was confused, disoriented.

I actually asked XH why was he coming to my town. ((I know I should not have, but I'm not thinking clearly)).

He said he had an errand. He was picking up motorcycle parts.

ME - Oh your bike trip is coming up right ((he told me when we were in the jacuzzi tub together in Dec))

XH - yes

ME - Anyway, I just fell backwards 5ft off a ladder landing on my head. Yes, leave it in the mailbox.

I don't know why I had a conversation with him. Those stopped weeks ago. I do NOT want to see him.

So XH came to the house. Pulled in the driveway and parked. Got out and rang the doorbell. What the Heck???? I did not answer the door. I did NOT want to see him. I already told him to leave it in the mailbox. He eventually left.

Turns out he was texting me about the accident I had, was it in the house? what was I doing?

Anyway, I texted pilot that today totally sucked and that I had fallen off a ladder, etc.

GUESS WHAT??? Nothing but crickets.

How crazy is it that my XH is showing more concern than the guy who's been wanting in my pants.

He is an A-hole first class... number deleted!!!!

As for my XH ----- D*MN HIM!!!!!! I did NOT want to see him. And, now all these texts from him open up feelings that I don't need or want anymore. Why didn't he just mail the car title like he stated he would???

I'm still in pretty bad shape from my fall yesterday.

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Originally Posted by KitCat
How crazy is it that my XH is showing more concern than the guy who's been wanting in my pants.
Doesn't your ex-h just want to get in your pants?
Originally Posted by KitCat
I'm still in pretty bad shape from my fall yesterday.
Sorry to hear and I hope you are ok.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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KitCat,

At this point you know what you're getting in both ExH and Pilot. Don't expect them to change. Personally I'd drop them both, focus on yourself, and only give energy to those genuinely interested in you. Just my $0.02.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
LH19 #2932781 04/21/22 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by KitCat
How crazy is it that my XH is showing more concern than the guy who's been wanting in my pants.
Doesn't your ex-h just want to get in your pants?

Not since I told him I would not be his side hustle.

To be honest things got pretty cold by the end of March.

I had to contact about a business item a week ago via email. He responded but then I never followed up. They are things he needs to take care of and I'm not going to nag.

I have no idea why he wanted to see me yesterday. I just don't see the point any more. Its weird though because I have never turned down an opportunity to see him, even for a few minutes.

BL42 #2932782 04/21/22 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by BL42
KitCat,

At this point you know what you're getting in both ExH and Pilot. Don't expect them to change. Personally I'd drop them both, focus on yourself, and only give energy to those genuinely interested in you. Just my $0.02.

You are absolutely right.

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Originally Posted by KitCat
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by KitCat
How crazy is it that my XH is showing more concern than the guy who's been wanting in my pants.
Doesn't your ex-h just want to get in your pants?

Not since I told him I would not be his side hustle.

To be honest things got pretty cold by the end of March.

I had to contact about a business item a week ago via email. He responded but then I never followed up. They are things he needs to take care of and I'm not going to nag.

I have no idea why he wanted to see me yesterday. I just don't see the point any more. Its weird though because I have never turned down an opportunity to see him, even for a few minutes.
Well I think that is my point. Sex off table he goes cold. You are better than that but YOU have to believe it.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
LH19 #2932785 04/21/22 05:01 PM
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KitCat Offline OP
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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by KitCat
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by KitCat
How crazy is it that my XH is showing more concern than the guy who's been wanting in my pants.
Doesn't your ex-h just want to get in your pants?

Not since I told him I would not be his side hustle.

To be honest things got pretty cold by the end of March.

I had to contact about a business item a week ago via email. He responded but then I never followed up. They are things he needs to take care of and I'm not going to nag.

I have no idea why he wanted to see me yesterday. I just don't see the point any more. Its weird though because I have never turned down an opportunity to see him, even for a few minutes.
Well I think that is my point. Sex off table he goes cold. You are better than that but YOU have to believe it.

I hear you.

Things got cold because I pushed pretty hard. He made some lame comment about how didn't care about me or my business and I sent screen shots where he was recently very much asking me about my business - like how was my day? how was my flight? etc. It was a huge push and made him angry and all his walls came back up.

That really doesn't matter.

I wish he would have just mailed the d*mn title... or at least not come to ring the doorbell. I didn't want to see him. I know there is still part of me that wants to ask him to come back home. I'm afraid it will always be there.

I hurt so bad. I cannot wait to get to bed and just lay in one spot.

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