She is trying to build those legs btw but the fantastical nature of how she thinks the post-D future will pan out is just mind-boggling.
bahahaha, my H thought he and AP would live next door and he would still come over for dinner every night with the family. We would still be best friends. WSs totally live in this crazy fantasy land.
One day just after BD she started telling me some detail about post-D life. She went - "I have in-fact planned my post-D life already" (sentence stayed in my mind for its ridiculousness). When I told her in response only as much that post-D is going to look different from what you imagine now, she went ballistic and accused me of threatening her. Then she threw insults at me and left the room. She even got her family to try making me promise that everything is going to be great post-D . I realized using logic much later on that that it is very likely they knew about her A even as they actively hid it from me while trying to elicit guarantees.
But what if she brings it up again and again?---Btw, she has told me that her 'friend' is very sure I am doing this just to win her back and that it's mechanical and there is no love in the picture at all .
Just keep doing it for you. Little words, much action.
Change up your response, but keep the message clear that you are doing this for you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
She is trying to build those legs btw but the fantastical nature of how she thinks the post-D future will pan out is just mind-boggling.
bahahaha, my H thought he and AP would live next door and he would still come over for dinner every night with the family. We would still be best friends. WSs totally live in this crazy fantasy land.
One day just after BD she started telling me some detail about post-D life. She went - "I have in-fact planned my post-D life already" (sentence stayed in my mind for its ridiculousness). When I told her in response only as much that post-D is going to look different from what you imagine now, she went ballistic and accused me of threatening her. Then she threw insults at me and left the room. She even got her family to try making me promise that everything is going to be great post-D . I realized using logic much later on that that it is very likely they knew about her A even as they actively hid it from me while trying to elicit guarantees.
WASs, and WSs in particular, do not like logic or reality. It burst their fantasy bubble they have in their head about how great life will be once they have their LBS out of it! Unfortunately, for many, the only time they will actually acknowledge that reality, that it is much different than they imagine, is when they are actually in it! So take R2C's advice, he is very wise. Action, not words. When she starts going on about life post-D, make an excuse for being busy then go out and be busy!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
WASs, and WSs in particular, do not like logic or reality. It burst their fantasy bubble they have in their head about how great life will be once they have their LBS out of it!
It's amazing how she tries to cook up a conflict out of thin air, which I easily avoid (due to my newfound disposition), only to hear an agitated - "...so you mean you won't do this post-D?". I am able to easily avoid that too as I set a boundary on post-D talk.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
Unfortunately, for many, the only time they will actually acknowledge that reality, that it is much different than they imagine, is when they are actually in it!
Yeah, too late by then. After D I wouldn't care less what she thinks about our new realities.
Wow, I feel OP is holding a mirror. I go out to watch a movie, stare at the beach, gym, or even just play games on my phone in my car. Makes my WAW uneasy. And my WAW has her entire post D planned too. Except for the fact that the house hasn't sold, and she's convinced that I will accept whatever financial demand she asks "for the sake of the kids." I said the same thing that it might not look as she planned.
The act of stepping up to enforce boundaries is a good shock. You may find her protests disminsh each time you do.
Tho is actually a really great boundary that most LBS should apply ASAP (unless one has a very clear stance/view). I certainly should have. Because I had no clue. Frankly I’m still not certain how to handle some situations (recently I was invited to the first post-D party where both me and XW are invited and hosts have really been keen on me being there)
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Tho is actually a really great boundary that most LBS should apply ASAP (unless one has a very clear stance/view). I certainly should have. Because I had no clue. Frankly I’m still not certain how to handle some situations (recently I was invited to the first post-D party where both me and XW are invited and hosts have really been keen on me being there)
Some friends of ours are in this situation. She left him after having an A, for the AP. He moved on met a new lady and married her. Been to two get togethers in the last two months where all three of them have been there (her AP and her fizzled out). Very awkward not only for them and their kids, but for all of us there. I guess it is impossible to believe that you'll never cross paths again at social events, but at least the first few are awkward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
. I realized using logic much later on that that it is very likely they knew about her A even as they actively hid it from me while trying to elicit guarantees.
