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Originally Posted by LH19
tell her to email you want she wants and you can look it over and get back to her.
Do this.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
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When two kids have to split one cookie, one kids breaks it in half ,the other gets to pick. Let her split the cookie in a "fair way". then call her on her BS when she picks the bigger half.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
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Hi Dink,

There are many reasonable ways for two people to decide how to split assets. My XW and I “bid” on ours. The highest bidder won the item. Quick and dirty and done in a day.

As for the lawyer, I strongly recommend getting a consult with a lawyer recommended by a friend to alleviate your fears and know what your rights are. If she’s getting advice from someone experienced in divorce, they may not be intimidated by attorneys, and probably know involving one won’t automatically cause tens of thousands or a contested divorce or fantastic legal maneuvers. You sound like you might be overestimating their cost or effect.

Be slow to agree. Hardly anything is so urgent it can’t wait a few days to be reviewed.



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Then she responded That’s fine. I know we didn’t want to. But that was before you stopped all communication.

Absolutely textbook WS stuff. Wants to be able to blame her decision to lawyer up on your actions. So predictable.

Based on that comment and her wanting to control her guilt, I’m VERY sure she has already lawyered up - so you need to do the same, at least get a first consult.

Don’t respond to provocative comments like that about communication, she wants you to take the bait.

And you know, you don’t have to wait for her to send through what she wants before responding. Often there can be advantages in making a claim first.

I’d see a lawyer ASAP (like next day or two), get a rough recommendation on what you could reasonably expect, and then move it in your favour about 5-10% and pitch it at her. Personally I wouldn’t wait for her to make the first move. I’d say “I want X%, you get Y%, it’s what will get ordered anyway - if you agree now we can rip off the bandage and avoid tens of thousands of lawyers. Please let me know in seven days.”

And stick to email.

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Originally Posted by Kind18
Don’t respond to provocative comments
Agree.


I learned to filter messages like this:
[quote] That’s fine. I know we didn’t want to. But that was before you stopped all communication.[/quote

to

Her: "That's fine".


As you go forward, you can take care of all the business aspects through email (and most likely lawyers-- The lawyers will do all the "negotiations" in your behalf for billable hours)


If my ex sent me that message, someplace in the future I would send this to her:
Text her "Sent you an Email"
Email starts "To keep the communication open and the process moving forward......"

A wise DBER from the past, Coach, called this "reverse babble".



Maybe in your case, you could state that you looked into several mediators that you could use to help settle things that the two of you cant come to agreement on. You should spply at least thee names and numbers and let her pick one. If you don't do this the lawyers will do this for billable hours. Then their freind the mediator also gets in on the action.


I wish you well


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
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Just wondering how the last week has gone for ya. Any update?


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
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Dink how you doing? How u holding up?

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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
When two kids have to split one cookie, one kids breaks it in half ,the other gets to pick.
Ready2Change - This is a flashback to my childhood...my dad used that on us all the time!

Dink - How are you doing? Any updates? Everyone here is wishing you well.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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