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Sorry to see you still are struggling with dropping the rope. I understand, I had a hard time too. However all you’re doing by maintaining this attachment is hurting yourself. You have to let go. As of today you are fired as her husband. I can’t stress that enough.

Your kids are adults. I don’t understand why they are as involved as they are.

I don’t like speaking in absolutes, because every situation is different. But this isn’t all of a sudden. Your stbxw is just attempting to start over with her partner. I understand that hard to watch from the sidelines. But she’s been planning, and acting on this for longer than a few months. This may be new to you, but it’s not for her.

She’s done and has been done. Your marriage is over. I can’t be anymore blunt than that. The point of all this isn’t to save your marriage. At least not this version of it. The point is to get her to be interested in you again. And someone who is weak, stalking, causing her issues isn’t attractive or interesting. Getting a life takes the focus off this terrible situation, allows you to mentally move forward all while peaking her interest of why are you so happy.

Shaming her, or isolating her will do nothing but push her further away. She doesn’t care how you feel about it, she doesn’t care how her kids feel about it, and she doesn’t care what her parents think about it. The reality is they all will forgive her and move on. And she knows it.

Take the focus off her, place it on yourself, stop having expectations that this is a nightmare you’ll wake up from. Focus on yourself. Go have fun, stop being available. Believe nothing of what she says and only half of what she does.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
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She is staying at new Affair partners house for Easter more than likely and , now is also in contact with old affair partner from 4 years ago. How she can juggle Two guys talking to and a job and family and whatever else is mind boggling. And I think it is personally starting to affect her some and it’s still somewhat early on. But as you have so said i can’t control it. I have not said anything to her about any of this just wanted to put it on here to get thoughts and feed back.

She she she she she.

What about Dink?

Your life and thoughts are controlled by what she may or may not be doing, or saying, or thinking, or living, or banging.

The only solution for you right now is to go NC, completely drop the rope, and concentrate only on yourself.

Have you kept up the GAL activities and hard physical exercise?

Here’s an additional challenge to the last one I gave you about hitting the gym 90 minutes for 30 days…. Can you make your next ten posts entirely about you? Your interests, hobbies, exercise, job, renovations, kids? Ten posts without mentioning her.

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Dink,

It's OK not to be perfect at DB'ing, especially at the beginning. It's rare for people here not to make mistakes. Right now you're mind is racing, you're hurting and spinning. Take a breath, take your mind off your sitch, and go enjoy time with your children tomorrow. There's no where I'd rather be with on Easter than my children, so take comfort in that and let it refresh your spirits. Then after tomorrow make a plan to GAL & focus on yourself. We're pulling for you.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 90
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So just to start the week off on a positive.lol. Any one out there have any success stories to share?

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Dink,

I took the week off work and had a fantastic Spring Break with S7 and D3. Theme park, hotel w/pool, waterfall hikes, little kid Easter excitement...etc. Great bonding.

How was your Easter? Did you visit with your kids?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 90
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Yes I visited with the kids, it was. Nice day overall. Glad you had a good day with your kids as well.

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Originally Posted by Dink
So just to start the week off on a positive.lol. Any one out there have any success stories to share?

Depends how you define a success story Dink


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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I guess a success story can be many things. Any one have positive things happen in the Divorce Busting relationships? Any one have movement in reconciliation? Any one have GAL success stories?
Any one have and good things happening in general? Just looking for positive stuff this Easter I guess

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Dink,

I was where you are now. Compared to where I am now my life is 1,000 better. You will get there too. It takes time. You got the first holiday out of the way. That is big. It gets easier each time.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Glad to here that LH 19

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