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Dink,
Originally Posted by Dink
He did say his mom did say to him that the decision was probably a little more her than me but it was mutual.
Originally Posted by Dink
My daughter and her fiancé stopped over also a little later and we all talked a little. It’s funny I sense they all pretty much know that it was mom who was pushing for this more after talking with her.
Your kids, especially being adults, are definitely going to get to the bottom of the situation. That's just one of the many reasons you don't lie or throw mud...it'll surface anyway.

Originally Posted by Dink
It was nice to hear them defend me some for basically having to do everything
I understand why that's comforting, but remember she's their mom and they'll be in her life even if she's having an affair, so you'll need to accept that.

Originally Posted by Dink
say mom is a Huge procrastinator and you pretty much had to do everything. They said She is not good at knowing how to do things and I did say that I was partially my fault by trying to do everything and and trying to make up for the past . And I was honest and said by doing that and kinda like walking on eggshells, that probably didn’t help, and I see that now. She lost maybe respect and atttraction
By being a doormat I told them what I needed to do was balances my new changes with the old me, and it would have been better, but I know at least going forward what I need to do.
Careful not getting into too many details with them, even if you're going along with what they say negatively about her. It's comforting as the LBS to hear, but you don't want to be going on about their mom and your relationship or actions. Just listen and validate their feelings without comment or judgement.

Originally Posted by Dink
I got a text last night about 7 p.m saying im sorry I forgot to call yo this weekend about coming over to house. I’ve been sick all weekend.
I never responded.
Good job.

Originally Posted by Dink
So. Today is our 30th anniversary lol.
30 years is a big one. How are you feeling today? Most newbies would be inclined to make a grand gesture on the day. Resist the urge if you have one.

Originally Posted by Dink
Anyways , She went back to work today after have the spring break week off. She has no sick time left, and will be docked pay for leaving. Anyways.
Her issue now. Try not to spend your time thinking about it.

Originally Posted by Dink
This morning she texted me. ‘Are you at work” I waited a bit to reply and said yes. She said ok, I am super sick as school and leaving for day. Im going to use bathroom
At house if that's ok. I waited a bit and replied, house is a mess,it's up to you. She replied I went to moms house. I didn't respond.
Sounds like you handle the text messages / house clearing business well.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
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BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
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OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
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I totallled understand. I am the type who does not talk to people usually, I about this stuff. More to myself person as that goes. Obviously I had to talk to my kids,but I have four sister and only one that im really close with.
She know about the divorce situation and now my kids as well. I haven’t told friends or my other sisters anything . What I am surprised with, but as we know now unfortunately when there are one doing wrong they like to talk to friends for support I think or spin things. Well ok all it takes is them telling some one and it gets back to the kids, and my kids are adult and know people where we live. She obviously doesn't care if people know, but if the kids get wind of affair she is going to say I told them. But as we know we can only control our selfs.

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Well yesterday being our 30th Anniversay, there was not contact mentioning by either of us.

As I said she did text me in the morning about being sick and about going to the house, but other than that nothing.

Her mom, whom my wife has told she wants a divorce contacted me to help her get a vehicle
She has in storage today. As I have said previously her mom talked to me a little bit about the divorce saying she doesn’t know what she is thinking, does she think it always rainbows and butterflies lol. But anyway I told her I could help her this evening with getting the truck.

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Originally Posted by Dink
Well yesterday being our 30th Anniversary, there was not contact mentioning by either of us.
Hmmm. What would you say? Happy Anniversary I can't wait until we are divorced lol. I am saying that tongue and cheek because this seems to amaze newbies.
Originally Posted by Dink
As I have said previously her mom talked to me a little bit about the divorce saying she doesn’t know what she is thinking, does she think it always rainbows and butterflies lol.
Yep. Every MIL says the same thing. There is standard script for everyone in this process. Sometimes they do find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Sometimes they do not. Only time will tell.


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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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So wife tried calling me about a hour ago, I didn’t answer . Then she text me “I know you don’t want to talk to me, and I get it. But I need to tell you something about Jordan (our son)’

I texted im with a customer. She said ok. I said what’s going on. She said you can call when you get a chance.

Well I stress of calling her I called my son, and said how things going he said good. I said everything ok with you, he said yeah why? I said I got a text from your mom saying she had to tell me something about you. He laughed and said ok, no everything good, I said you been feeling better, he said yeah ( he had been sick a few days) I said ok just checking, because of the text from mom. He laughed and said let me know when you find out.

So my question is do I call her back or respond…….;

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Just text her you spoke to him.

"Talked to J, thanks."

Or you can call her but keep it brief and sound confident and happy if you call. End the call quickly as well.


H 34
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BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

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Quote
Talked to J, thanks.

Perfect response.

Don’t call her back under any circumstances. She’s playing games and wants to know if you’re still on her hook. That’s why she writes “I know you don’t want to talk to me.” She wants validation, and confirmation she has a plan B.

Do. Not. Call.

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Agree, do not call her.

Also, well done on going right to J. Likely she is going to complain that he isn't treating her the way she wants him to. Not your issue to solve. That is between him and her.

Again, well done Dink! I wouldn't even text her back personally, but that is a bridge too far for most people. To me she was using your son to get you to connect with her. Homey don't play that!

But if you must, text what ovr said, but do not call her.


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M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Well done, Dink! Withholding info until you call makes it feel like a power play. I wouldn't cave into that--but I'd also want to show I welcome communicating about the kids, and direct her towards my preferred communication channels so I wouldn't have to deal with this again.

"Thx for telling me! I talked to J. Text or e-mail is best going forward."

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Hi Dink,


This will get easier. I have lots of practice(experience) as do the others.

This is the type of responses you want to send her:
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
"Talked to J, thanks."


Every single time she calls, you let it go to voice mail. You then listen to it WHEN YOU ARE READY. Then you take as long as you need to process it. Then you decide if and when and how to respond (if YOU DECIDE a response is required).


When you change the way you interact with her, it changes the dynamics of the relationship.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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