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Hey ScottB - Just read Die with Zero, on your recommendation. Interesting concepts...definitely gave me some things to think about. Hope you're continuing those adventures!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Nov 2019
Posts: 488
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ScottB Offline OP
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BL42 - I hope you found it impactful. I have found the ideas to help propel me thoughtfully forward in the pursuit of a life well lived.
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I'm coming up on two years since my ex moved out. I'm definitely not sad anymore. I still harbor some anger and resentment and disgust and confusion around all of it.

I would say that generally, day in and day out I'm very happy. I'm busy - a little more than I would like. Kids sports has been a lot. Work is busy. I didn't get to kayak as much as I would have liked this summer, but I did snowboard in Chile and went to Bermuda as well as some incredible rock climbing in WV. I can't wait for winter - I plan to snowboard all over the western US.

I'm dating a woman who was divorced last year June who is just incredible. Who knows where it leads and I don't have any expectations but it feels incredibly good to be in a relationship with a smart, strong, sexy, woman who supports me.

Today she sent me a note prior to a meeting that said "You are going to crush this meeting. Just be you. People love you." I've never gotten a text like that in my life. Its a small thing but incredible at the same time.
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I've been thinking lately about the unconditionality of marriage. It feels like the person who really believes marriage is for life can really be taken advantage of with little to no recourse based on their values. I love the idea of marriage for life and of commitment through thick and thin; but I see people get abused and it makes me wonder if maybe the right way through is actually to stand up and demand respect for ourselves.

At some point I think we might consider a different way forward.

If you want to speak to me that way I will leave you.
If you cheat on me, I am gone.
If you get addicted to drugs or alcohol or gambling and you decide its more important than us, then good luck.

I love, admire, and respect those that work so hard (like I did) to save their marriages and I wish I could pull them aside, look them in the eye and let them know, whatever happens You're going to be Okay. And probably better than Okay.

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Originally Posted by ScottB
I'm coming up on two years since my ex moved out. I'm definitely not sad anymore.
That's great! Just know that doesn't mean the sadness is gone forever.
Originally Posted by ScottB
I still harbor some anger and resentment and disgust and confusion around all of it.
Yeah this may stay with you forever.
Originally Posted by ScottB
I'm dating a woman who was divorced last year June who is just incredible. Who knows where it leads and I don't have any expectations but it feels incredibly good to be in a relationship with a smart, strong, sexy, woman who supports me.

It's a great feeling to be wanted, valued and respected isn't it?
Originally Posted by ScottB
Today she sent me a note prior to a meeting that said "You are going to crush this meeting. Just be you. People love you."
It's a beautiful thing isn't it?
Originally Posted by ScottB
I've never gotten a text like that in my life.
Nah. You have from your EXW but it's probably been so long you don't remember.
Originally Posted by ScottB
I've been thinking lately about the unconditionality of marriage. It feels like the person who really believes marriage is for life can really be taken advantage of with little to no recourse based on their values.
Scotty B my best guess is that the fact you thought your marriage was unconditional probably is part of what got you here.
Originally Posted by ScottB
I love the idea of marriage for life and of commitment through thick and thin; but I see people get abused and it makes me wonder if maybe the right way through is actually to stand up and demand respect for ourselves.
Do you think it's possible your exw might be thinking the same exact thing?
Originally Posted by ScottB
At some point I think we might consider a different way forward.
100%. The institution of marriage is antiquated and is not made for the 21st century.
Originally Posted by ScottB
I love, admire, and respect those that work so hard (like I did) to save their marriages and I wish I could pull them aside, look them in the eye and let them know, whatever happens You're going to be Okay. And probably better than Okay.
Why don't you stop by more often and tell the newbies yourself?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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