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So its been a minute and I thought I would say hello.

I did something that was incredible for me, and I'd encourage anyone who hasn't done this to give it a try.

After I went snowboarding with my daughter, I signed up for alerts when big snow fell out west. Leading up to the Easter weekend I started getting emails. I didn't have the kids and I wanted to go, but I couldn't find anyone to go with me. I had the option of going to my parents house in FL for the Easter weekend so that I wouldn't be alone but I didn't want to go. I also had the obvious option of staying home and trying to just experience being lonely and learning to live in that space - but I really wanted to go west.

So On the Thursday before Easter I got a little push from a friend and I said F it. I booked a flight for Friday and went out.

It was the most fun I've had in years. As soon as I got there I knew I had made a great decision. I felt empowered. When I woke up Saturday I was thrilled as I walked to get my coffee and then sat and read a book. I drove up to the mountains with my music blaring the whole way. I snowboarded from open to close. I got back to my hotel and met some people in the hot tub. I went to dinner alone, sat at a bar and got hit on - which is fun. And then made the good decision to go home at 10p, instead of going to the next bar with the ladies.

Sunday I got up and went to church and repeated the day. I had a ball snowboarding, they had gotten 12 inches of snow over night. When I would go up the chairlift I would try to make friends and then I would snowboard with them until I wanted to do something different.

They would show me paths I didn't know about that made it more fun. I tackled some hard and fun terrain until I got exhausted and had to be done. Sunday night I used Bumble to set up a date and had dinner with an incredible woman I'm still talking too. Who knows what will happen with that but she invited me to Mexico in a month and I bought my ticket for that. On the Monday after Easter I had my last day snowboarding and it was a great day too.

One of the greatest most empowering trips of my life. I now know that I can travel alone and have an incredible time.

I got back from my trip and bought an Ikon ski pass for next season so that I can get more days in. And I'm working to set up a trip to Chile this summer to go snowboarding. A friend said he wants to go to, but I'd be fine going alone.

Now all that might sound great, but life is never all sunshine and rainbows. Back in reality work piles up and so do kids activities and I hate interacting with my ex. She has this guy that she has some kind of relationship with and she is brining him around the kids and has him texting my son which I find to be outrageously strange and inappropriate. I raised this issue to her and I almost think she liked the fact it bothered me because it feels like the behavior has increased.

So I'll work through that and find a way to make peace with it. But overall things continue to move in the right direction.

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Great update. You've learned how to be happy by yourself, a very valuable skill!!

And you are out meeting new people, that is awesome.

As far as the stuff with the ex, work in progress. I've never met a divorced person whose relationship with their ex was perfect. Just always try to do what is right by your kids, try to be the bigger person, and make the best of it. But you've got this!

Thanks for an awesome update.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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Originally Posted by ScottB
She has this guy that she has some kind of relationship
I am shocked! LOL. Not really. Very predictable. Bet he's been in the background for awhile.


M:51 W:46
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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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Hi Scott, Welcome to the other side.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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ScottB,

Originally Posted by ScottB
One of the greatest most empowering trips of my life. I now know that I can travel alone and have an incredible time.
Meant to reply sooner, but wanted to say your latest post about the solo trip out West was inspirational and it put a massive smile on my face. Loved the blaring music, sliding down the mountain all day, dinners, reading, church, hot tubs, making friends, getting hit on...etc. Hope the Mexico trip with the lady works out. If not, you'll have a fun going alone!

So glad things are moving in the right direction for you.

Not sure how I feel about breaking the anonymity of this site, but I'd be tempted to join you on the Chilean mountains this Summer (though on skis to your board). Sounds like a blast.

Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Hi Scott, Welcome to the other side.
Haha, well said R2C!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
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BL42

I booked my trip to Chile in August with a friend of mine. It kind of stinks because both flights are red eyes, but its the only way to get there. I also said screw it and flew to Utah this past weekend to go on a date and spend two days at Snowbird spring skiing in short sleeves. That was fun and a wild party.

And this time I asked for the Jeep Wrangler so that I could take the top off as I drove up to the mountains. It didn't suck. On my way down I drove by the rushing mountain stream and decided to take a plunge - it felt good.

I posted a picture on FB of some of my snowboarding and a random person said "You Look so happy!"

Kind of funny. I got my passport today so Chile is locked and loaded, Mexico is on the rocks because the girl and I aren't sure about things - but that's cool, we'll see.

Today I also printed out a calendar for the next 15 months and plan to work through it with the kids to figure out what we're going to do together. I have incredible pictures and memories with them over the past 15 months. My son is 14 and starting HS, I know this time will go fast, so I want to make the most of it!

Strong book recommendation: Die With Zero by Bill Perkins. It a book that really has me thinking about how to get the most out of my new life.

Peace.

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whistle whistle whistle

You get the "Puppy Dog Tails" whistles for a great post!


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
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Agree 100% with R2C. Great update.


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Well gang, I hope you're all well.

I was nervous about being lonely going into Memorial Day weekend, because I didn't have anything planned and I didn't have my kids for 6 days. I'm also not seeing anyone.

But I went climbing indoors and then booked a date for friday at the last minute, the date was a bust - just not a fit. I then met up with my cousin afterwards to have a beer. Saturday I went to two baseball games my son played in, worked out, and then played my guitar, read a book, went to a steakhouse on my own, andt I bought a second kayak.

Sunday I went to church, and then went to brunch and randomly sat down at the bar next to a guy I was friends with 20 years ago - had a great time catching up. Then i worked out, kayaked for three hours, road my bike for 40 minutes, and went to dinner at my parents house with my brother's family and an aunt and uncle.

Then Monday I did some chores and got my kids back. On Monday, before I got them I looked back and was surprised at how much I had enjoyed myself.

But it is interesting how on the day to day I do have this desire to be with someone else. Maybe that's natural - I enjoy my time alone, and I have some cool stuff going on, but I am interested in the idea of having a companion.

Anyhow, I've got some incredible things planned coming up. In July I'm heading to Bermuda, then two weeks later I'm heading to Seneca Rocks in WV to go climbing, and two weeks after that I head to Chile.

I'm not sure if its normal with where I'm at in recovering from the divorce or not, but I feel an odd urgency to get out and go do incredible things I haven't been able to do. Literally if a weekend goes by and I don't have the kids and I have nothing amazing planned it feels like a waste. I'm not sure if that is me trying to avoid life or my trying to live life; maybe a little of both.

All and all I am making pretty darn good use of my freedom. I've also had some interesting conversations with my married friends about said freedom. In the single life I have all the freedom, but I also have to find peace with the fact that sometimes I'm lonely. In the married life, I was never really lonely, but I also didn't have freedom - and neither do my married friends. Its interesting. Anyhow, I like to pop on once in a while to say hi.

One issue I have to deal with in regards to my ex is that she seems to be getting some digs in related to me not spending money on the kids to the kids. My daughter kind of brought it up the other day. I send my ex a little over $3k per month for her and the kids and she has a good job on top of that. I think I'm going to sit the kids down this weekend to let them know that I pay child support as well as 70% of all their expenses. I didn't want to do that, but some things that are happening need to be explained.

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Originally Posted by ScottB
went to a steakhouse on my own, and I bought a second kayak.
Must be an amazing steak house if they sell kayaks....lol

Originally Posted by ScottB
But it is interesting how on the day to day I do have this desire to be with someone else.... but I am interested in the idea of having a companion. .... but I feel an odd urgency to get out and go do incredible things I haven't been able to do. ...
Just keep doing the things you enjoy...that is how you find the right lady for you...she will enjoy the same things and your paths will cross. Then you can enjoy an amazing journey together.



Originally Posted by ScottB
One issue I have to deal with in regards to my ex is that she seems to be getting some digs in related to me not spending money on the kids to the kids. My daughter kind of brought it up the other day. I send my ex a little over $3k per month for her and the kids and she has a good job on top of that. I think I'm going to sit the kids down this weekend to let them know that I pay child support as well as 70% of all their expenses. I didn't want to do that, but some things that are happening need to be explained..
Sounds familiar. I had to do that at one point as well. I was the one giving the kids allowances and telling them to save their money and spend it wisely. I always told them they were lucky that mom was overspending on them and they should appreciate it.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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