Thinking about why this Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial testimony affects me. My ex was never physically abusive, and not particularly verbally abusive. (Of course, infidelity and gaslighting are types of abuse). But listening to the recordings of their arguments, it does bring up memories of arguments with my ex. (We didn't argue a lot). He would push, and push, and push like Amber Heard. So relentlessly pushing HIS view of things that eventually I would just leave the room. There would be no resolution unless I completely negated my own viewpoint and acknowledged his as "true".
Frankly, I had mostly forgotten about those episodes, but listening to this brings it back up - kinda makes the hair stand up on my neck. Of course, I see now that many of those arguments felt particularly dangerous because, unbeknownst to me, he was cheating and hiding it.
I've made a point of not paying any attention at all to this - I can't imagine knowing those details without feeling like some of the dirt has rubbed off on myself.
I recall when I was dating "S" that she would also be pretty relentless with the pressure about things until I gave in. Certainly something to watch out for.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I didn't really "give in" to my ex, I would usually just find a way to exit the conversation if he was pushing too much. But what HE wanted was total capitulation to his world view. I often wonder how his current wife fares when he gets like that - I don't get the impression she's as strong as I am. But then again, she married a daddy figure, so maybe she just follows along. Or again, maybe he's not cheating on her and so there isn't that ugly undercurrent that I was unaware of at the time. Maybe with age and acquiring his younger Asian-American "trophy wife", he's no longer intriguing with other women. I wouldn't bet my life on it though. Leopards don't change their spots.
My ex and I were peers, academically, intellectually, age-wise (well I was 4 years older). For his second wife he chose someone 19 years younger, less intellectual, less well-traveled - someone who would not see through his facade, I think. I do still feel slightly guilty that none of us clued her in to his cheating history before they married (she was NOT an OW, came along after our divorce). But I hope he's too old and tired to cheat on her, I really, really want her to care for him in his old age so my kids aren't burdened.
But I hope he's too old and tired to cheat on her, I really, really want her to care for him in his old age so my kids aren't burdened.
You can certainly hope. In my mind cheating is a sin of opportunity and entitlement. I don't read the various forums out there nearly as much as I used to but there's an astounding number of people who are caught cheating in their 60s.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Yeah - when he retired I thought gee, he’d have a lot of opportunity while she’s working. But then he was immediately laid up with medical problems. Now that he’s better I have no idea what he’s doing, if he’s working per diem half time, if he’s completely retired, if his wife is still working or not (she’s not nearly retirement age but I could see him wanting to reduce her work hours to be with him). Not my circus nor my monkeys.
