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#2929340 02/01/22 05:16 PM
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First post: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2922336#Post2922336

Trying to link this... I'm not sure if I'm doing it correctly!

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Oooh! I think I managed to link threads. Yay!!

The last contact was when STBXW texted to meet to go over what we need to sort out, and I asked her to send her proposal for settlement to my email. I'm still too emotional to meet, and recognise that I would LOVE to meet her, but all for the wrong reasons. The last time we saw each other in person was just too hard. Although I am far more accepting of the situation, it still hurts.

So... I am trying to move on and generally doing OK. I am managing to sort out things in the house by myself. STBXW would reach out to any contractors as she is a first language speaker so I', feeling pretty good that I AM able to do this by myself.

I have someone coming round now as it seems I have termites... Eeek. Will post more later.

Thank you for all your support. You are truly appreciated.

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Your link worked!


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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I need a hand hold.

STBXW sent me the paperwork for a “friendly” divorce. I saw the email as I was at the vets with a near-dead cat. It’s been a rough couple of weeks with the cat and the realisation that as much as I wanted to save my marriage, I couldn’t.

We met up a couple of weeks ago for the first time in months to go through assets. Unfortunately for me, although I brought in 73% to her 27% of finances, she has stated she will go for 50/50 of the house and our savings. That’s the law in this country which makes sense if you have been a stay at home parent looking after kids etc. It seems so unfair when that isn’t the case in our situation.

Just after she left she took out over €6000 of our joint account to pay for a post-graduate degree and deposit for rental apartment. Since leaving I have been left paying our mortgage single-handed. I just feel as if she has not only broken me emotionally, but she’s about to do it financially too.

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Magnhild,

Consult an attorney. Do not agree to anything directly with STBXW.

Sometimes (perhaps often) the laws aren't fair and you'll have to live with that, but no need agree to any less than you're entitled to under the law. Your lawyer should be able to advise if you can recoup any of that €6000 for education and rental deposit, and how much of the equity you can reclaim from the mortgage payments you've made post separation.

It's a business negotiation. Use legal and financial representation as the mediators if needed - no need to sit down with her directly nor agree to anything she purposes without further thought/review.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Thanks, BL. I have got a lawyer, and have read enough to know not to agree anything directly with her.

In fact the lawyer is now looking into filing for divorce in the UK where we got married. In the UK the courts will take into account financial contributions to the marriage.

I don't want to divorce, but I also don't want to be trampled on financially. Jeez, I really miss how she used to be - she was never like this before, and it does make it easier when I see this side of her.

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Originally Posted by Magnhild
We met up a couple of weeks ago for the first time in months to go through assets.
Btw...there's really no need to "meet up" to discuss assets. That can all be done via email - which gives you time to process and then respond rationally and serves as documentation - or even via lawyers if needed without any direct communication. Any chance part of you wanted to meet her in person with hopes or expectations (even if subconsciously)?

Originally Posted by Magnhild
I have got a lawyer, and have read enough to know not to agree anything directly with her.
Good.

Originally Posted by Magnhild
In fact the lawyer is now looking into filing for divorce in the UK where we got married. In the UK the courts will take into account financial contributions to the marriage.
Good. Glad you're positioning yourself for the best financial result.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Originally Posted by BL42
Any chance part of you wanted to meet her in person with hopes or expectations (even if subconsciously)?

Yes, there were expectations on my side - I expected her to be reasonable about division of assets!

I was very calm, collected and measured during the meeting and agreed to nothing. "Let me have a think about that one".

But I agree with you on the no need to meet up.

Since then, any communication has been about the cat. He's still hanging on, but I'm going to have to make the final call in the coming few days. I'm holding it together, but I don't think I can take much more frown

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Originally Posted by Magnhild
In fact the lawyer is now looking into filing for divorce in the UK where we got married. In the UK the courts will take into account financial contributions to the marriage.

Time urgency might be critical, whoever files first might get jurisdiction. Definitely do not drag your feet on determining if UK would be better for you.

There are also ways to question jurisdiction, but that is a another can of worms.

HUGS


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Time urgency might be critical, whoever files first might get jurisdiction. Definitely do not drag your feet on determining if UK would be better for you.
^Good point!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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