Another year in life of

[Ginger1]

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Another day in the life of

Oy vey. My New Year’s Eve will be spent with my daughter and my ex MIL. D decided to stay home because she doesn’t want to sleep out . She wanted to invite her grandma. Of course I said yes. I like her, so it’s all good.

Maybe next year I’ll be spending New Year’s Eve with the love of my life and not my Ex MIL!

[bttrfly]

you are spending NYE with the love of your life. a love like no other - your precious baby girl.

[BL42]

Ginger1,

Oy vey. My New Year’s Eve will be spent with my daughter and my ex MIL.

Perhaps a New Year resolution to create boundaries related to ExH/OW/ExILs? It's great you're there for your daughter and show her everyone can get along, but it doesn't mean you have to cater to and spend time with them. It's OK to tell her "no" when it comes to ExH and his people, and let her spend time with them on their time.

Writing off people is easy when you don’t have to raise a child from scratch with them. If it was up to me, I would have never looked and spoken to him again and for my sake at that point in my life, I wish he left the both of us. But he only left me, which of course was best for D, but it was not best for me.

Very true. It's a long road with little ones.

Everything that happened the way it did was probably the worst for me, but the best for my D.

It's almost a paradox. What's best for us would be complete no contact with our Exs, but what's best for the kids is to see both parents get along. Of course we want above all what's best for the kids, but that's in conflict with our own hurts and healing. Hard situation for sure.

For me, I’ve been on the struggle bus since the day he left. Parenting a baby alone and working full time with no family help, switching jobs a million times because I had no help, watching my ex and his wife be a family , take my daughter on vacations, marry, stay together since day 1.

That's had to be difficult, especially at the beginning. I'd say I can't imagine, except...

Does it ever seem surreal? I'm sure a lot of you wanted ExH and OW to break up, at least for some time.

I admit, I am so ready for me time in this portion of my life. I’m so ready to make some life decisions based on what’s best for me. Like moving , career, etc. it’s all for my daughter now, but will absolutely be for me when she graduates.
I need this so so bad .

That's completely understandable. You've given so much to your daughter. It's fair to look forward to some "you" time as well.

[Ginger1]

BL, I definitely need to firm up my boundaries. I do like my MIL and she is also my dog sitter and always comes through. I’m good with her being here. I’m just not going to let the going hanging out with the ex go too far. I do need to protect myself better there

It seems surreal to me every day. I wanted them to break up for sure. I wanted them to hurt eachother very badly. It never happened. And now I wouldn’t want them to break up because it would be awful for D. And I am pretty convinced if they ever did, my ex would try to get with me. GROSS.

Never ever ever thought I would be where I am today. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Couldn have never predicted this

Bttfly- yes, my D is the love of my life. But right now she is 14 years old and can be pretty brutal, lol. This j was not prepared for in life either

[DejaVu6]

I don’t think you being able to hang out with your XH and OW makes you weak at all Ginger. I think your feelings are your feelings and there is no need to judge them. What is the point in that? Feelings of hate and resentment only harm you so why hang onto them? If you hang out with them because your daughter really wants you to AND you enjoy yourself in the process, how is that a problem? It seems to me that it isn’t until you start examining it from a place of how you “should” feel or “should not” feel. According to whom? In my opinion, there are no hard and fast rules other than that we know kids do much better if they see their parents getting along so we don’t want to make them feel like they are caught in the middle. You, my friend, are someone who sets an example for us all in how to best do that.

Anyone who knows your story knows just how incredibly strong you are so please, please, please stop judging yourself on this.

I hope you and D14 have a wonderful New Years Eve!!! (((HUGS)))

[BL42]

Ginger1,

Hey, have fun! The party is going strong here with my EX MIL!

LOL. How'd it go? Did the three of you party strong into 2022?

[DonH]

Perhaps a New Year resolution to create boundaries related to ExH/OW/ExILs? It's great you're there for your daughter and show her everyone can get along, but it doesn't mean you have to cater to and spend time with them. It's OK to tell her "no" when it comes to ExH and his people, and let her spend time with them on their time.

That may be one option but I think it would be the selfish one. The kids and in this case little G did not ask for this situation. Ginger is doing what’s best for her daughter even if it may not be best for her. It’s what true parents do.

In my opinion, there are no hard and fast rules other than that we know kids do much better if they see their parents getting along so we don’t want to make them feel like they are caught in the middle. You, my friend, are someone who sets an example for us all in how to best do that.

I could not agree more. I always strive to call um as I see um and have at times questioned some of Gs actions but when it comes to dealing with the ex, having ex MIL, otherwise known to D as GRANDMA, doing things with D as a FAMILY… well as Deja totally nails it: Ginger sets the example of how it should be done. She’s doing what’s best for her daughter. As it should be. You should be very proud of yourself Ginger. You’ve realized it’s not about you - it’s about D.

[Ginger1]

Well thank you very much! I always have said parents say they would “take a bullet” for their kids, but usually, they can’t pull the trigger on the hard emotional
Stuff your kids need. I am can do it now that I’m in a place to do it and aside from the fact my daughter is well adjusted because she was baby when we got divorced, I think she is also super well adjusted because of the relationship we have.

I actually had fun on New Year’s Eve. Guess what LH! We played rummy and Mario kart. All 3 of us! I bought us all take out, we watched New Years rockin eve, grandma brought us sparklers and we all had a great time. Of course at midnight I get 2 separate texts from the ex and his wife wishing me a happy new year. I told them the same.

I went to work the next day and things are super bad. No visitors, like the whole staff of the hospital is out sick, people are being redeployed, it’s a mess. Home care agencies can’t see patients because their staff are sick. Making my job of getting them out of the hospital pretty darned hard.

Any my department is just feeling burnt out and under appreciated. The clinical staff get bonuses and incentives and we don’t. We are salaried so we don’t even get OT for the extra time we put in. Me abs a few of the RN case managers were talking and we want to get back to the bedside so we can actually make a few bucks. The morale for healthcare workers is pretty much in the pooper. I have a few of my PTO days back, came into work when it was a day off for working Saturday, and I didn’t even get a thank you. Burnt out.

Oh well. It is what it is I guess. I’m happy news, I took D and her friend ice skating and my knee is totally fine. Like it feels just like my good knee. For 4 years it did not. I’m pretty thrilled. I had so much fun skating .

So I do have a date Tuesday night. I’m not active , my card is hidden, but I can still matches abs one sent a message that got my attention. So we chatted and set a date for Tuesday night. He is another on with the same name as M. Apparently a popular name around here. And he has a 3 and a 5 year old too. What are the odds. His down fall is he is the technical director for Fox News. Hahaha. I know I said I was not going to date, but what if I missed a good one? No harm in grabbing a drink. D will be home, so it won’t last more than 2 hours and I have to go home. Always a good thjng

[97Hope]

hey, G!! Love that you are able to do this for your D. I agree with everyone - it's great that you can and do, but would be ok if you didn't want to and didn't.

Glad you had fun ice skating and I'm curious about the date! Still haven't dated anyone, have been working working and working on my self - emotional, physical stuff. Ready if the right one asks, but ok if it doesn't happen.

Have fun!!

[Ginger1]

I’ll definitely fill you in on the date. I have no expectations. I am realizing when I go to date someone, the first thing that runs through my mind is it if it does workout, my plans of moving might be derailed. Do I just stay single for the next 3 .5 years? Or I can just let life happen and see where it takes me

I found out today that the floor nurses are making $12 / hr extra plus a $300 shift bonus. I want to take advantage of this, but I’m scared. I’m scared of going back to the bedside after so long. Seriously nervous. I’m also scared that I don’t have enough energy in these bones to do both jobs. I need the money . But I’m absolutely terrified

Plus, there is the covid post I’ve patient who was swinging at the staff, slit at them and made homicidal threats such as “ wait until you are staring down the barrel of my AK -40” and “I’d love to see a bullet in that pretty neck” “you f’ers are crazy if you think you can cure covid” unvaccinated of course. And I said to myself “ maybe he should die “

Can I handle it all? I don’t think I can .