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#2927018 12/05/21 02:57 PM
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Abusive childhood -> Divorcing wife after 10yrs due to her untreated postpartem depression -> Left by live-in GF of 3yrs who vented at me due to a neurodegenerative disease. I've had lows but also hiked, climbed, kayaked, traveled, and loved passionately.. plus my kids are great."

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2926637

Yesterday was a good day with my kids interspersed with grief—it’s sad we’re ending, I’m angry she focused on the worst in me, I so want to work it out and get back to the good parts, etc.

This morning I feel more acceptance. I don’t think I ever truly saw a future—hence my resistance to any low-key meetings with my kids and to her idea of a “family” vacation next summer.. I only believed the ILUs for brief moments, and her desire was often paired with asks.

I talked about the breakup with a friend for once. She checked in on me last night. So sweet! (Before you ask, she’s not single. I’m not used to sharing personal things like that, especially while I’m still processing.) Another friend is coming over on one of my two kid-free weeknights, so I won’t be too lonely. I resisted the urge to reach out to Ms Woodnymoh or my XGF.

My kids are a home-cooked meal on REAL PLATES last night. My D complimented.

TODAY - My kids want to do Christmas activities—as a single parent, I have few weekend days, so I should get going! I’d love to get a tree but maybe decorating the house and making cookies is an easier win in a year where my D’s holiday cheer is lower and synergizes with home improvement. I have baking ware and a refrigerator to clean, groceries to stock, and a Halloween decorations to put away.



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PS - the most useful bit I got from my fashion reading wasn’t buying two new items, but bothering to catch up on my laundry so I could put my outfits together in a considered way as I once did, and addressing clothes with holes.



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Today I received a bonus related to a big sale I helped to close last week that amounts to two more months' salary! I may be tackling my budget and finances at just the right time.



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CWarror - Congrats on the bonus! Good plan to roll that into your personal finance goals. Keep the wins coming on the finances over time and they 'll start snowballing, which will make you feel great and want to keep it up.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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You can get a small potted tree - I got one for $20 at Costco that has a star on top and lights already on it, just about 18” tall plus the pot, to put in the bedroom with CMM.

I like the idea of “shopping your closet” first. Early in the pandemic, I cleaned out my walk-in closet. I gave away the things that didn’t fit (if I ever lose that much weight I’ll be happy to buy a new wardrobe!) and sorting clothes into categories. The clothes I wear every day fit into a small section of the closet - pants on the left, tops on the right, empty hangers go in the middle. Dress clothes are in a separate section. There’s another section for “stage clothes”, slightly flashy clothes I wear when performing. I organized my dresser, weaning my t-shirts down to one drawer folded Marie Kondo style so I can see them all at a glance. Getting rid of the things that didn’t fit or never looked good, freed up a lot of space in my closet so I could actually find the things I liked to wear.And I found more than one item that I’d bought twice, because I couldn’t see/remember that I already had it!

And yes, baking Xmas cookies with the kids and decorating the house while playing Xmas carols will create great memories.

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Well, my D's mid-term tomorrow ended up monopolizing the day and nixing holiday plans. Overall good weekend--much time spent with my son yesterday and my daughter today. They ate 2 of 3 meals on real plates with silverware. wink



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@Bl42, thanks! I'm categorizing all my transactions as they come in and finding more hidden accounts. This month's budget, I'm mostly inventorying and trimming where trims are obvious. Can't wait to pay off a couple of cards!

@kml, thanks. I'm actually a huge Marie Kondo fan and did a massive cleanout of my wardrobe early this year. There's little dead weight. I like looking at the big picture of my wardrobe and am closing in on gaps to fill next weekend.



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At work, my end-of-year review was positive enough to merit a tiny raise. My boss, fortunately, remembers the whole year and not just the past 5 months. I won't be fired. That's another weight off my shoulder.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
Over the next two months maybe I should focus on (1) career security, (2) reliable transportation, (3) inventorying what I owe and what I'm owed, (4) addressing any fires, (5) tightening my budget, (6) dishwasher, (7) garage organization. By January, they'll release performance reviews, and I'll know if my job is in jeopardy in the next 3mo.

#1 - drops from RED to YELLOW, as long as I make daily progress on ridiculously overdue paperwork.
#2 - I need to make an appointment, probably at the dealer.
#3/5 is daily maintenance until the holidays.

I have an appointment today to get a passport (backup ID).

#6 - My kitchen is the big item now. I see hope popping out in that we have dishes and I'm able to cook (which I enjoy) for half my meals. I'm cleaning dishes as fast as I use them. Today, I hope to tackle the dish/cookware backlog. I'd like to complete this before I have a dinner guest over on Wednesday. I hate hiding my kitchen.

This weekend I plan to do clothes and gift shopping (fun) and open the last 5 months' mail (not fun).

I need to set aside time a.s.a.p. to lock-in my Xmas vacation and Xmas eve. (I have credit card reward points and free flights I can leverage without paying for airfare/hotels/cars.)



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Hi CW.

Just want to weigh in about Christmas Eve and feeling lonely on the holidays. Like others have said, it really is about your mindset and what you tell yourself. We are so brainwashed to believe that if we are alone on a holiday or not with a significant other, we are somehow “less than” everyone else. I’ll tell you this much… I’d rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t treat me well. There are many, many people in the same boat who don’t have a significant other to be with. I’m sure you know some of those people. I was really dreading NYE when XH and I first split. So rather than sit home and feel sorry for myself, I decided to have a party and had about 30 people show up (pre-Covid days, of course). I had a great time and barely thought about XH and what he might be doing. The following year, I had another party and I plan to have more once my new house is built. Another thing you might want to consider, if you aren’t up for a party, is to find a volunteer opportunity…maybe helping with doing Christmas dinner for people who are homeless. Nothing makes you more grateful for what you have than spending time with people who have it way worse. It’s a wonderful reality check and a chance to make a difference in the life of someone else. Also…be open to any and all invitations and force yourself to go out even if you don’t feel like it. The first year XH and I were apart, I wasn’t going to go to my Christmas staff party but then decided to make myself go at the last minute. I had a great time and it did much to improve my mood.

Anyway…I know the holidays can be tough. Just know that they don’t have to be and you do have the ability to change things up if you want to. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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DejaVu6,
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Another thing you might want to consider, if you aren’t up for a party, is to find a volunteer opportunity…maybe helping with doing Christmas dinner for people who are homeless. Nothing makes you more grateful for what you have than spending time with people who have it way worse. It’s a wonderful reality check and a chance to make a difference in the life of someone else.
Great idea! I may look into this myself, as it'll my first Christmas without the kids.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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