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I sorry, CW, but she sounds awful. She seems like the type who will use against you the vulnerable stuff you shared . It’s kind of sick . The longer she stays, the worse she will be for your mental health

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I don't even know where to begin with this sh!tshow.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
I visited Ms Sunshine on Wednesday and she rehashed the above PLUS a) Asked why I had waited for her son to finish using the restroom before entering, b) Whether being abused ever made me super angry and abusive, and c) Did I ever use my ability to pick locks as an adult? (Context: As a child, I was often locked out of my home, refrigerator, etc. I learned to pick locks!)
As to 'a' as a mother I'd be a lot more concerned if you felt you needed to be in the restroom with my son that you barely know. As to 'b' & 'c' seriously eff her. Yes kids who get a abused are far more likely to perpetuate the cycle but in 3 months time she's never once seen you lose your sh!t, she's out of her depth to even ask this. And I learned how to get in and out of houses undetected. I'm not an effing burglar. This is all incredibly insulting and speaks to the fact that she has had such a pretty little sheltered life and ZERO empathy. This entire conversation was about what risk you are to her. Like she's in some kind of danger. None of this was about getting to know you, or understanding you better.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
After I answered, she explained why each of the quirks had been concerns for her, and said my answers were great.
Once again seriously eff her. Who does she think she is? You guys are 3 months in. This isn't a job interview. You're dating. The fact that she has the audacity to not only ask these questions but be patronizing AF with a response like that makes me want to scream. It is not your job to comfort her about your past like you got early release for a violent crime. This is insane.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
She said try to think about the reasons for her asking these questions logically and not become sensitive.
Oh cool so she full on gaslighted you after asking super invasive totally unnecessary questions. Lovely.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
She asked to move on with dinner and I did.
She told you to drop it. Because this is an other step in the gaslighting. You are too emotional. I didn't do anything wrong. My behavior is totally normal and you're ruining our night.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
I said I'm not used to so many bad-faith questions. Usually, I get curious questions, or wait and see how things unfold.
I'm proud of you for this. She needs to know she can't just do whatever she wants and you'll take it.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
She talked angrily about her XH's betrayal (costing her millions) and how it's made her more skeptical.
I guarantee if you stick around long enough you'll find out her XH's betrayal was a lot more like a WW's "betrayal" of a narcissistic H. This women is a top tier gaslighter and is/has been giving me some seriously strong female narcissist vibes. Even if that's not the case I'm positive she's playing with some pretty heavy smoke and mirrors about the demise of her MR.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
I didn't stay the night. I texted her I felt uncomfortable that questioning me about potential or perceived flaws had become a common part of our dates.
I'm very proud that you're standing your ground on this. As you should be.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
She asked me for patience, said I'd freaked out and broke up early on, this was her feeling scared and vulnerable that her son had the great time with me she'd always wished he'd have with his dad.
EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION. This woman is a pro. I'm begging you to run. Please.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
She's simultaneously asking for 3 days each week with me instead of two and for me to go to two Christmas parties. She bought me outfits that are comfortable and fancy but also mesh with my taste and style. She wanted me to stay the night.
She's asking you to be her arm candy so she can make you feel special, and brag about you to all her friends and co-workers, what have you. And the second you two get in the car she's going to give you a litany of everything you've done wrong and how disappointed she is in you. She'll withhold sex, until she sees she's upset you and then she'll try to lure you back in with some booty. That's how women like this work.

CW if I knew you IRL, I'd be on my way there to have a "conversation" with this woman. Like take my hoops and heels off "conversation." If she wants an abused kid with anger issues I'd 100 percent be happy to give her one. Seriously though CW, this behavior is sick. And I'm with kml and ginger this isn't going to get better it's only going to get worse. And I'm completely seconding what ginger said about using your vulnerabilities against you. That is coming. If you don't get out. She will do it. It's written on the walls here.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
I don't know how to express how much of a turn-off it is when someone you've been dating for three months, where ILUs have been exchanged, questions you as if you could be a criminal.

Honey, say it exactly like that, and tell her you don't want to see her any more. And you hope she finds what she's looking for but you aren't it.

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Good Morning CW

I’m sorry for how your feeling. You are receiving much good advice. Please listen.

Ms Sunshine needs to be purged from your life. For your wellness. Her tactics are very unhealthy.

Do not get drawn in to waiting until after Christmas for the kids’ sake or any such.

You’ve been questioning things for a while and know the answer. It a matter of how much more you need to take before finding the resolve.

D


Now: Me54 XW50 S24 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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Ditto kml, Ginger, wayfarer, and DnJ. Good advice coming at you from all these highly intelligent folks.

I'm with wayfarer...if I knew you IRL and we were friends, I already would've shown up at Sunshine's house for a "come to Jesus meeting" (which I'm fairly certain is the Southern version of wayfarer's take off her hoops and heels "conversation"....LOVED that visual, btw). You remind me so much of my best friend. He's a rescuer and picks these freaking crazy women and then can't seem to shake himself from them even when they are OBVIOUSLY bad for him. Please do NOT be that kid who is warned that the stove is hot, but still touches it just to make sure. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not be that kid. You are worth SO much more than what she's giving you because from this interpretation of what you are relating to us, all she's giving is a hard way to go. I'm curious how she would like someone questioning her as though she were a criminal. I suspect it wouldn't sit as well nor would her reaction be as calm as yours was.

And, for whatever it is worth, I totally agree with wayfarer and have actually thought from the very beginning that her version of her XH and how her marriage went and fell apart would probably be fairly skewed from the reality. She's trying really hard to paint her XH as some horrible monster without ever even acknowledging that there could maybe possibly be some slight fault on her part. That speaks volumes to me.


Me 51, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Let me ask you a question ... let's say your daughter was dating a guy who treated her the way Sunshine has treated you. Let's say he also bought her fancy clothes so she could go to two Christmas parties on his arm. Let's say that after every critique, he also then ups the ante in terms of wanting more from her - more time, more attention. What would you say if your daughter came to you with this dilemma?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

You have no idea what people are going thru in their personal lives. Be nice. It's that simple.
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Breakup #2. I did it over the phone this time.

I guess to LH’s question—feeling loved, evening company, a travel companion, sex, and a backup on my trips for the things I forget. A solid dance partner was nice, too.



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I’m sorry CW. I think you made the best decision for you.

She said she loved you. But did she really make you feel loved?

A travel
Companion who criticizes everything you do on travel and holds it over your head when you get back.

Sure, I would love a travel companion, but only if they make my trip fun, and not miserable.

Sure, I would love for someone to love me. But only if their actions back up their words

You can make lists and remember your own stuff.

A dance partner can be found anywhere.

You aren’t losing a dam thing from this break up . My yiu will gain your dignity back .

Now stay away and don’t let her drag you back in !

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@Ginger, thanks. I predict Christmas Eve will feel rough, but I'm at least looking forward to Sunday being free and getting out of her two Christmas parties. She and I will both attend at least one Christmas party where I'll be speaking.



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Hi Brother,

Originally Posted by CWarrior
I predict Christmas Eve will feel rough
Your prophesy will become your reality.

You need to figure out what internal changes you need. You are looking for something external.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
Breakup #2. I did it over the phone this time.
Stop yanking this woman around.

Reflect really hard on everything that happened and commit to not repeating the same mistakes.

Everything happens for a reason and everything is a learning experience.


She is a mirror reflecting your issues. As you point out each of her red flags, you have one as well. Not the same, but it is just as red. I have a hard times seeing my red flags, but my lady reflects them back to me when I judge her. That is what relationships are for. Fixing your issues.


What can you do to make Xmas eve feel amazing?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Hello CW

Yes you will have some feelings to process. Stay the course, and let the feelings flit.

Better times ahead.

D


Now: Me54 XW50 S24 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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