I seriously can't wait for my counselling tomorrow. Just had to sit through a suicide and self harm presentation at work and it absolutely triggered me.
I did have thoughts earlier in the year and was welfare checked by police twice. No thoughts now though.
On top of this it brought back memories of seeing my father hanging from a rope in our backyard. He had no pulse and wasn't breathing for 15 minutes whilst I worked on him until I brought him back. He is still alive today.
You need more help than what anyone on this board can give. You bare minimum have a drinking problem that’s more excessive than you admit to yourself, or at worst you have unchecked PTSD. 15 minutes with no oxygen sounded…like a lot to me. A quick google search is as follows
“At five minutes, death becomes imminent. At 10 minutes, even if the brain remains alive, a coma and lasting brain damage are almost inevitable. At 15 minutes, survival becomes nearly impossible”
I don’t want to be insensitive but at best you are drunk posting, and again, at worst are exaggerating to gain sympathy from strangers you don’t know.
If you are in group therapy for drinking as you have said I’m gonna assume it’s AA. It’s a good group. But something tells me at best you are lying to the group about your slip ups, at worst you are drinking with absolutely no one to help hold you accountable.
I’m just going to say this, and I could be out of line, but here it is.
If you are telling the truth about at least half of this, you really should consider bare minimum intensive outpatient therapy and allow your wife to have your adult children and grandchildren. You are in no shape to be the best you or a safe you to properly be around your kids or grand kids in a healthy way.
I’m not gonna post anymore on your thread. This is way above my pay grade, or you are trolling, or you have mental issues that requires immediate professional help.
If you are being honest, for the love of yourself, your kids, and grand kids, go get some real help
Ok. Thanks. I was there and it was 15 minutes that I worked on him.. He spent the next week in a coma. My drinking I've been totally honest with myself and what I post. I'm not here for sympathy at all. So by being honest I'm trolling...well Thanks.
Galaga, one of the biggest learnings and improvements I made in my own sitch was to embrace frank talk. Here in western society we tend to be right-fighters. We want to be right no matter the cost. As my favorite bald TV psychologist from Texas likes to ask people: "Would you rather be right or happy?" The two are not always congruent.
Joseph's post may have struck a nerve. Is it because what he said was wrong? Or because you didn't like what he said? So rather than push back against the advice just let it ruminate. Let it sink in. Joseph's post didn't have to be 100% accurate to be effective. You know what happened with your dad, but we do sometimes tend to exaggerate to make the story more meaningful. Regardless, suicide and suicide attempts profound impacts on those that love the individual. It has obviously had a big impact on you regardless of the details! The real question is how did you learn and grow from that?
Galaga, we are all here pulling for you. We want to see you become the best version of you that you can be, regardless of what happens with your marriage. You've got this! Now go out and make the decisions that will help you get there.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Seriously this will be my last post, I did need to clarify.
The point wasn’t to hurt you. But I tend to be blunt with people who drink. My brother is an alcoholic, my grandfather was before he died, and my FIL was before he died.
They all have certain things in common. Nothing was ever their fault, they skew things that happened or make mountains out of mole hills to play the victim. They also have all died or are on their way to dying alone. Their family gets burned out on trying to help them. And I’m not saying a suicide attempt was making a mountain out of a molehill. There was just a red flag of the 15 mins with no breathing comment for me personally.
I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, what I’m trying to say is you need help. This board can be a great tool to help you understand the break down of your marriage, and become the best version of yourself. But with the added issue of your drinking that you are still partaking in with having a history of a drinking problem and the mental health issues, you do need professional help on different levels.
If I’m being honest, and I know it hurts, but what it sounds like is your marriage was destroyed by your drinking, and yet you continue to do so. If you don’t get help it’s only a matter of time before your relationship with your kids and grandchildren is negatively affected.
Do what you need to do to get help, please feel free to post, I won’t comment. Maybe here’s the moment I need to look at the situation and see maybe I’m taking this situation differently because of my own experience with family who drinks and I maybe not be in the best person to post on your thread.
I wish you the best of luck
Last edited by JosephS; 11/23/2102:47 PM.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
On top of this it brought back memories of seeing my father hanging from a rope in our backyard. He had no pulse and wasn't breathing for 15 minutes whilst I worked on him until I brought him back. He is still alive today.
Hi Galaga,
It sounds like an incredibly traumatic experience finding your dad hanging and trying to rescue him. I imagine not being believed about such a core memory felt quite invalidating. I believe the core of what you’re saying.
As a victim of childhood trauma myself, an insight I’ll share is I’ve learned to trust what I saw, heard, and felt—but to question the meanings i ascribed to the events or that were suggested to me as a child. As an example, an 8y/o me thought I was clever to frequently escape a 16y/o sister trying to kill me and my mom with a chef’s knife. Her slashes sometimes tore clothes but never made serious cuts. In retrospect, if a 16y/o frequently wanted to kill their 8y/o sibling especially when they were home alone he’d be in an ER or dead. That was me as a child imagining I had more understanding, influence, and control over events than I did. That required adult processing with a therapist’s help.
Again, alcoholism and suicidal thoughts are so important. I’m glad you’re getting some help. I hope you get as much support as you can. This could be a life-changing experience, the sort of 180 that hopefully saves your marriage and if not revamps your life.
I've come to the realisation that this group isn't for me until I get my ducks in a row. And work on me. I might be back. I might not.
But for someone to push their own experience and taint me with it doesn't sit well.
For those who genuinely want to save their marriages I wish you the best and I'm off on my self discovery.
Love to all.
I’m sorry I negatively effected you the way I have. I took what you said at face value. You have a drinking issue and your father attempted suicide and didn’t breath for 15 mins. I commend you for being able to perform CPR for 15 mins. That’s absolutely exhausting, and I can’t imagine how you felt or how you handled it physically or mentally. Most professionals can’t do it.
I’m sorry I’m commenting again, but I hate to see you leave because of one poster (me). If I chose that path I’d be lost. This community is fantastic and supportive at its core.
I wish you nothing but the best, but I will say and would continue to say to anyone, drinking in such a horrible situation may make you feel better temporarily but it’s nothing but an avenue of pain and misery. And I would venture to guess deep down you know it, and the fact you continue to drink shows you need professional help.
I wish you nothing but the best. And I hope you get IC that helps you.
Good luck good sir.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
That’s absolutely exhausting, and I can’t imagine how you felt or how you handled it physically or mentally. Most professionals can’t do it
In the life or death situations I’ve been in, when “fight” mode was active, adrenaline’s allowed me to do extraordinary things. I do recall from CPR class how surprisingly tiring even five minutes of compressions of adequate depth can be.
@Galaga, sending love your way. I get you’ve been through a lot. I am certain hurting you or tainting your experience was the last thing on Joseph’s mind. We’ll be here if you change your mind. I hope you find good support for your drinking and darker thoughts.
Hey Galaga, I just wanted to post one more time, and offer the support from the forum. I know you still log on and occasionally check.
So let me say this, I am truly sorry. In no way shape or form was I trying to belittle or down play what you went through with your father. I read it wrong and reacted. If it helps, you did teach me I need to ask more questions and get more facts before I react. So I do appreciate you helping me learn that lesson.
I also hope you are continuing to keep the drinking under control and going to group and your IC.
I promise if you come back I will stay out of your threads. I know I will be a trigger, and I know you felt judged and this wasn’t a safe place anymore. It does bother me that I may have gotten in the way of someone who truly needed help and support and I ran them off. That’s completely on me, and that has nothing to do with you.
Anyway, I know i keep saying I’ll stay off your thread, but I have seen you logging in and not posting, so I am hoping that maybe you’ll see this and this will help you get back on the saddle so to speak.
If not, I understand and please again accept my apology. And know no matter what path you choose regardless of your wife comes back or not, the pain will ease. Things will get better. But I do hope you allow the other posters on the site to help guide you through the process.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
