Dnj, I have to dissagree. It has nothing to do with being a bigger man/woman. She has fired him from the husband position. So that's a no to breaking the ice. All conversations should be eather about the kids or the finances, other conversation should be avoided, at least until the healing process has done a couple of cycles.
Any breaking of the proverbial ice is uncomfortable and a LBS is inclined to read too much into the conversation. For instance, if the WS says she's feeling bad or going throug a rough patch, the LBS's brain turns this into a proof that the WS is missing him or even that she's realised the mistake she's made. THis could not be farther from the truth. If anything, she's only feeling sorry for herself and nothing more. In her mind she's intitled for everything, and more, and any opposition from the LBS is met with anger and bile.
By all means the LBS should be putting on a brave face, not overtly happy, because this will come across as phony. Snar remarks and anger should be controlled as they really do serve no purpose.
I found it best if the ex spouse is treated like a distant neighbour or a business associate, where you politely greet them but avoid any personal interaction.
I 100% agree with DNJ. His suggestion was to break the ice by speaking of the kid and conference. So that would make it about the kid.
And with a 3 and 6 year old, the distant neighbor thing isn’t what’s best for the kids. They kids will read and pick up on this and they have a lifetime of events to endure together. Being able to be pretty cordial, having a little bit of a convo about something related to the kids will put everyone at ease, including those kids who are watching interactions like hawk.
Don’t have to besties. But a cordial goal is something to aim for and slowly work up to . It will make things so so much easier and peaceful
I say thjng, because you have many years left of recitals and school functions and events you’ll be attending together . Less awkward is the best.
My daughter was able to say to me how happy it makes her that her parents can sit next to eachother and talk to eachother at her stuff and it never feels awkward unlike other divorced parents.
You may not be there yet, but it’s a goal to work towards
I know why don’t we all have mixed families and sing Kumbia by the campfire every Friday night.
I think BL deserves some slack for not wanting to have idle chit chat with a woman who is on OM2 before they were divorced. He’s a little over a year into it and it will take some time.
Oh shut up. That’s not what anyone is saying. When you have years and years of shared childrens events, being able to not have awkward silences all the time and building towards comfort in the same space is a great goal to work towards for everyone
Or we can just spend all that time being bitter and “right” and when your youngest is 3, that’s a long time like that.
No one is jumping on his back and we are t taking any slack away from him. DNJ and myself have him some advice on easing into something for peaceful and comfortable for the long run for himself.
Comfortably being the same space is not having a “mixed” family and singing koom bay ya, and you know this LH.
That was an an opinion it was a PAssive agressive wise ass remark .
No one even insinuated they should be one big happy family. And no one insinuated that he was even doing anything “wrong” so we don’t need to cut him slack. We support him , just giving him some tips that might make things for comfortable for him going forward.
I think you are doing just fine BL. It’s hard to navigate with young young kids. And if I can impart anything from what I did wrong or right, I will and you can take or leave any of my advice.
LH, you know there is a healthy spot between bitterness and mixed families. And that’s what we are guiding him towards. A peaceful comfortable place to help him endure the years to come, which is more than most . He doesn’t have to go there if he doesn’t want .
I’ll leave this out of BL’s thread now because it’s more about you LH, than him.
My daughter has always hated reading. She doesn’t have the best reading comprehension either. She’s a star student in a hard to get into high school. All kids have their strengths and weaknesses . He’s be great