Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,248
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,248
Dnj, I have to dissagree. It has nothing to do with being a bigger man/woman. She has fired him from the husband position. So that's a no to breaking the ice. All conversations should be eather about the kids or the finances, other conversation should be avoided, at least until the healing process has done a couple of cycles.

Any breaking of the proverbial ice is uncomfortable and a LBS is inclined to read too much into the conversation. For instance, if the WS says she's feeling bad or going throug a rough patch, the LBS's brain turns this into a proof that the WS is missing him or even that she's realised the mistake she's made. THis could not be farther from the truth. If anything, she's only feeling sorry for herself and nothing more. In her mind she's intitled for everything, and more, and any opposition from the LBS is met with anger and bile.

By all means the LBS should be putting on a brave face, not overtly happy, because this will come across as phony. Snar remarks and anger should be controlled as they really do serve no purpose.

I found it best if the ex spouse is treated like a distant neighbour or a business associate, where you politely greet them but avoid any personal interaction.

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
I 100% agree with DNJ. His suggestion was to break the ice by speaking of the kid and conference. So that would make it about the kid.

And with a 3 and 6 year old, the distant neighbor thing isn’t what’s best for the kids. They kids will read and pick up on this and they have a lifetime of events to endure together. Being able to be pretty cordial, having a little bit of a convo about something related to the kids will put everyone at ease, including those kids who are watching interactions like hawk.

Don’t have to besties. But a cordial goal is something to aim for and slowly work up to . It will make things so so much easier and peaceful

I say thjng, because you have many years left of recitals and school functions and events you’ll be attending together . Less awkward is the best.

My daughter was able to say to me how happy it makes her that her parents can sit next to eachother and talk to eachother at her stuff and it never feels awkward unlike other divorced parents.

You may not be there yet, but it’s a goal to work towards

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,366
Likes: 37
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,366
Likes: 37
I know why don’t we all have mixed families and sing Kumbia by the campfire every Friday night.

I think BL deserves some slack for not wanting to have idle chit chat with a woman who is on OM2 before they were divorced. He’s a little over a year into it and it will take some time.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
Originally Posted by LH19
I know why don’t we all have mixed families and sing Kumbia by the campfire every Friday night.

I think BL deserves some slack for not wanting to have idle chit chat with a woman who is on OM2 before they were divorced. He’s a little over a year into it and it will take some time.

Oh shut up. That’s not what anyone is saying. When you have years and years of shared childrens events, being able to not have awkward silences all the time and building towards comfort in the same space is a great goal to work towards for everyone

Or we can just spend all that time being bitter and “right” and when your youngest is 3, that’s a long time like that.

No one is jumping on his back and we are t taking any slack away from him. DNJ and myself have him some advice on easing into something for peaceful and comfortable for the long run for himself.

Comfortably being the same space is not having a “mixed” family and singing koom bay ya, and you know this LH.

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,366
Likes: 37
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,366
Likes: 37
Wow I thought this was a safe place to have opinions on here.

If it’s better not bitter then why not mixed families? After all that would be best for the kids.

He was able to sit with her at PTCs. So he didn’t want to discuss the weather on the way out. So be it.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
That was an an opinion it was a PAssive agressive wise ass remark .

No one even insinuated they should be one big happy family. And no one insinuated that he was even doing anything “wrong” so we don’t need to cut him slack. We support him , just giving him some tips that might make things for comfortable for him going forward.

I think you are doing just fine BL. It’s hard to navigate with young young kids. And if I can impart anything from what I did wrong or right, I will and you can take or leave any of my advice.

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
LH, you know there is a healthy spot between bitterness and mixed families. And that’s what we are guiding him towards. A peaceful comfortable place to help him endure the years to come, which is more than most . He doesn’t have to go there if he doesn’t want .

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,366
Likes: 37
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,366
Likes: 37
Fair enough. Let me rephrase. BL I understand why you don’t want to have a phony bs conversation with your ex wife. You’ll get there when you get there.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,943
Likes: 30
No one suggested phony BS conversations either.

I’ll leave this out of BL’s thread now because it’s more about you LH, than him.

My daughter has always hated reading. She doesn’t have the best reading comprehension either. She’s a star student in a hard to get into high school. All kids have their strengths and weaknesses . He’s be great

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,366
Likes: 37
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,366
Likes: 37
Well since he left the building without talking to her. I can only guess that’s because he didn’t want to talk to her. So if he talked to her when he didn’t want to it would be phony.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard