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Originally Posted by AndrewP
[quote=LH19]Bruh? Sorry, I'm bit past 12.
It’s a joke Andy P. My kids use that word all the time. Loosen up your bow tie bruh lol.


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Noted the board feels continuing with these two casual ladies is a mistake. I set more boundaries with Ms. Lingerie--I am seeing my friend Thursday instead of a rendezvous with her, and I spent 5 minutes texting her instead of the call she wanted. I want to see what's out there while I'm young. Some day, young ladies won't hit on me, if they did, I'd need viagra, lol.

Originally Posted by Andrew
To be frank, although I dated someone like you as "S", I don't understand you. Don't live or create a facade to attract. Be the You who you are. If that you have a messy house and eat off paper plates (kudos for taking that step) then that is the you that any future partner needs to accept.
Deep thoughts. I was raised in a home where facades were everything. I don't create facades, but I do hide parts of me. My XW never knew I was abused as a child or how I spent my evenings. My XG knew those. Ms. Sunshine knew those. In literal terms, I've gone from hiding my whole house to hiding my garage, fridge, and upstairs bathroom. I'll never advertise my dirty laundry, but I agree Andy, a good entry criterion for serious dating would not be low shame if they found it.

Originally Posted by kml
why doesn't she have both things - relationship and casual - checked off of her ONE profile? Because she doesn't want the guys seeking relationships to know that she also indulges in random sexual encounters with strangers?
Interesting. I'd agree 100%, except I'm using a different profile for casual dating! Your point about integration is a good one. Perhaps my LTR profile SHOULD mention passion since its absence is a dealbreaker. Presumably, the right person wouldn't be like--"Omigosh! He mentioned passion. He must be all about sex." lol. I also separated it out because my filters are different. For a casual relationship, I'd accept someone 30/31, although I rejected the 21 y/o who reached out!



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I would be really disturbed if I saw 2 profiles of the same guy, one for “casual” and one for long term. That would be a huge red flag to me

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I hear a couple of thins from you. One is that you're missing sex and think that by dating people in the "casual" category you can have sex without getting involved. The other is that you get attached quickly and are actually longing for a long term healthy relationship. The two aren't very compatible in your case, I'm afraid.

Look - I'm not opposed to a casual relationship - I had one for a while with a delightful guy who told me up front he didn't "do" relationships. I always knew he saw other women. I would see him once every couple months or so for a weekend booty call, and chat occasionally in between. He was actually the best intellectual companionship I've had since my divorce, but since he made it clear from the beginning that he wasn't a relationship option, I kept it on the casual friends who sleep together (safe sex!) occasionally. I saw him during periods when I wasn't dating anyone else, and once I was dating someone the booty calls stopped.

HOWEVER - I am a child of the 60's/70's, I'm also pretty comfortable in my own skin, and I'm able to do that without getting overly attached. Also, I'm a woman dating men, not vice versa. Most people cannot handle this kind of relationship, and especially few women really mean it when they say they're okay with it (most think you'll change your mind).

As attractive as the idea of having a booty call partner is - I just don't think you're cut out for it. If she gets attached, you'll feel guilty and probably continue the relationship to your detriment. God forbid one of them gets pregnant on you.

Also - a caution about all those hot young women hitting you up online - some are pros or scammers of some kind. A good portion of the rest have daddy issues.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I would be really disturbed if I saw 2 profiles of the same guy, one for “casual” and one for long term. That would be a huge red flag to me
Agreed. Seems very odd. Granted I'm new to on-line dating but is it common to have two separate profiles on the same app? I thought everyone was pretty much in one big pool. I suppose you could filter on relationship type, but do people do that? Seems like most just join and swipe left or right on everyone there.


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I agree with G....if I saw 2 dating profiles for the same guy, it would totally skeeve me out. I would assume that said guy really just wanted sex, but was hedging his bets and saying he also wanted a relationship just to make sure he got a hit. Creepy!

I also agree with everything kml said. I have had a sexual relationship in the past with someone who I considered a very good friend, but we were never romantic and it worked for both of us at that time. But, I wouldn't really be able to do that with just anyone. I could do it with him because I love and trust him and we have always had a special bond, but we have never been romantic partners and never will be. I have always been a relationship kind of girl, so I wouldn't be into hookups because they just wouldn't work for me (except in that one very specific afore-mentioned case with good friend). To each his own and I'm certainly not saying those who do have those casual sexual relationships are bad...I'm just saying I recognize that doesn't work for me because I need to have some sort of emotional connection to a person before I'll sleep with them. Mind you, I'm not classifying myself as demi-sexual here either...I like sex, just need to feel a connection to feel safe and be ready to do it.

I have had a fleeting thought several times when I have read your posts and have a rhetorical question. Please do NOT feel obligated to respond, but please do think about it. What is your idea of casual? I mean, for some, casual is more of a one night stand or booty call situation. For others, casual might mean actually dating someone, but also seeing others. Yet another person might think casual is dating one person but not really putting a label like girlfriend on it. I just get the sense that you are really looking for an actual relationship, but you are playing it casual for whatever reason. Maybe you were burned by your last relationship or just trying to take it slow or whatever, but as some others have said before, you just don't strike me as a "casual" relationship kind of guy, but of course, that could be entirely dependent upon exactly what your definition of casual is. Maybe we define it differently...I don't know.

You said that you noted that we were all saying you shouldn't continue with the 2 ladies you mentioned recently so your response was to set more boundaries with Lingerie. I don't get you, CW. I mean, yeah, we are all anonymous strangers so you have to take the advice with a grain of salt. And, yeah, there are things that are happening that we are not privy to because there is NO way to give us all the information. I may very well be in the minority but this one already has a Sunshine vibe to me of it shouldn't be this hard at the beginning. Boundaries are a good thing, but you shouldn't have to start off, before you even meet in person for the first time, setting a crap ton of boundaries. That would set off a red flag for me for sure. Again, I could be way off and maybe that is just me, but if you are already having to work this hard, it seems like something is off. This should be the easy, casual, fun part of the deal.


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Originally Posted by CWarrior
I set more boundaries with Ms. Lingerie--I am seeing my friend Thursday instead of a rendezvous with her, and I spent 5 minutes texting her instead of the call she wanted.
Are these boundaries or are you being a dick?

Originally Posted by CWarrior
I want to see what's out there while I'm young. Some day, young ladies won't hit on me, if they did, I'd need viagra, lol.
Are you playing the field or looking for a relationship? You flip flop a lot.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
My XW never knew I was abused as a child or how I spent my evenings.
Do we want to know how you spent your evenings? Sounds serial killerish


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Originally Posted by Ginger
I would be really disturbed if I saw 2 profiles of the same guy, one for “casual” and one for long term. That would be a huge red flag to me
I have no worries there--different photos, different text, and posted months apart.

Originally Posted by BL42
I thought everyone was pretty much in one big pool. I suppose you could filter on relationship type, but do people do that? Seems like most just join and swipe left or right on everyone there.
I rarely talk about app settings with people I meet, but the few I've talked to do use them. After all, if your goal is a long-term relationship, why would you want to waste a minute reading the profile of someone seeking "Something Casual", and if you're seeking sex this week, why would you want to waste a minute reading the profile of someone seeking "Marriage" or a "Relationship"? I hear some only look at pics or swipe right on everyone--no one I've met has copped to that. 15-30 minutes of swiping is usually enough for weeks of dating, so why rush the process and get flooded with matches?



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Man c-dub…. You are wildly all over the place. I would delete those apps for a good 6 months. I don’t think you are being fair to anyone right now… including yourself.

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by Ginger
I would be really disturbed if I saw 2 profiles of the same guy, one for “casual” and one for long term. That would be a huge red flag to me
I have no worries there--different photos, different text, and posted months apart.

I'm not sure what your point is, CW....the fact that you have different photos, different text and the ads were posted at different times doesn't negate G's point that you have 2 profiles. Do you think people are going to realize that or do you honestly think that women aren't checking out both "types" (relationship and casual) of profiles. Spoiler alert: regardless of what a woman is seeking, she's scrolling through ALL the profiles so the odds that your 2 separate profiles will be seen by the same person is probably fairly high. The real question is will it matter? G is saying it would matter to her, I'm saying it would matter to me. There may be a gazillion others who would say they didn't care. To me, personally, if I noticed the same guy with 2 types of profiles, I would think he was a creeper.


Me 51, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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