My attorney is going to depose him and I have to be there. I get to sit there while she asks him about his girlfriend which he is still denying exists.
The deposition is on Oct 25th. Got any tips for me??
My attorney is going to depose him and I have to be there. I get to sit there while she asks him about his girlfriend which he is still denying exists.
The deposition is on Oct 25th. Got any tips for me??
I know you're anxious about the face-to-face meeting. Sorry you have to deal with that in-person. No real advice, just know a lot of folks on here are pulling for you and you will get through it. Maybe hearing him finally admit to things under oath will end up being validating/vindicating/cathartic?
Just curious...why is there a deposition? Is your divorce filing for fault (as opposed to no-fault?). In my state the infidelity would not factor at all into the D unless there were significant marital monies spend on the AP (which may be your case?).
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Maybe hearing him finally admit to things under oath will end up being validating/vindicating/cathartic?
He's been hiding her for 2.5 years and I do not know how long he'd been cheating before then. She was a coworker and he works odd hours, travels, etc.
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Just curious...why is there a deposition? Is your divorce filing for fault (as opposed to no-fault?). In my state the infidelity would not factor at all into the D unless there were significant marital monies spend on the AP (which may be your case?)
I live in a true fault state. The only no fault divorce is when both parties agree to it and he was never going to go for that unless I walked away with nothing. Cheating won't matter but it will at least get me a divorce.
Maybe hearing him finally admit to things under oath will end up being validating/vindicating/cathartic?
Beyond offering support I'll add--and this may apply particularly to you kas since you've worked in roles related to the court--some LBS imagine/idealize "under oath" means telling the truth. This is a legal matter. Expect him to admit to that which you can prove, and forget that which you can't prove. Expect to learn more details, but don't expect him to come clean.
He's been dragging out the divorce for 2 years and I've had it. I will never understand why it's so hard to divorce someone who has already replaced me.
I never understood it either. exW was in no rush to get the separation agreement and the divorce papers done. I had to push for both. The separation agreement was necessary to protect the custody and access to the kids. the D I pushed because I was done and she took her sweet time. she was already living with new dude for months now. never made any sense. like why are you dragging this out when you're done and moved on.
Beyond offering support I'll add--and this may apply particularly to you kas since you've worked in roles related to the court--some LBS imagine/idealize "under oath" means telling the truth. This is a legal matter. Expect him to admit to that which you can prove, and forget that which you can't prove. Expect to learn more details, but don't expect him to come clean.
He doesn't know how or when I found out. S21 walked in on them but left before anyone saw him. I imagine he will saying something dumb like yes he's dating but it wasn't until after he left me which sounds all peachy keen except I had to file for divorce and he has been stalling for 2 years. It got so bad that the judge awarded me legal fees for the delays.
He's been dragging out the divorce for 2 years and I've had it. I will never understand why it's so hard to divorce someone who has already replaced me.
I never understood it either. exW was in no rush to get the separation agreement and the divorce papers done. I had to push for both. The separation agreement was necessary to protect the custody and access to the kids. the D I pushed because I was done and she took her sweet time. she was already living with new dude for months now. never made any sense. like why are you dragging this out when you're done and moved on.
I never had that issue = ExW pushed separation & divorce as fast as she could as if I was the worse person on the planet. I still don't fully understand it. That said, but I do read on here a lot that the WS/WAS often drags their feet and it seems bizarre to me too. If he told you 3 years ago he wants divorce and is with OW...why wouldn't they want to move on.
Originally Posted by kas99
I live in a true fault state. The only no fault divorce is when both parties agree to it and he was never going to go for that unless I walked away with nothing. Cheating won't matter but it will at least get me a divorce.
Got it. Sorry for the saga. Try to stay strong in deposition and then break down later if you need to. Hang in there...you'll get through it and maybe find some relief in it afterwards.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
the D I pushed because I was done and she took her sweet time. she was already living with new dude for months now. never made any sense. Like why are you dragging this out when you're done and moved on.
Originally Posted by BL42
That said, but I do read on here a lot that the WS/WAS often drags their feet and it seems bizarre to me too. If he told you 3 years ago he wants divorce and is with OW...why wouldn't they want to move on.
To understand--I've been a WAS before--ask yourself what incentive there is to the WAS to "finalize the D"? They have already moved on emotionally and practically found someone new, they already have a settlement covering finances and custody. The pre-existing marriage only becomes an issue if they get to the point of becoming engaged and want to remarry, or you're managing your finances so poorly it affects their credit score when they want to make a major purchase.
I never understood it either. exW was in no rush to get the separation agreement and the divorce papers done. I had to push for both. The separation agreement was necessary to protect the custody and access to the kids. the D I pushed because I was done and she took her sweet time. she was already living with new dude for months now. never made any sense. like why are you dragging this out when you're done and moved on.
I have a separation agreement (had to push for this over a year ago) and after discovery was done my attorney advised me to stay married. This strategy worked because now he's interested in divorcing me. He requested the pre-trial and my attorney continued it just to be a pain.
It's also costing him a lot of money to stay married to me but honestly I don't think he cared about that. He'd rather go into massive amounts of debt than divorce me. It's mind boggling.
To understand--I've been a WAS before--ask yourself what incentive there is to the WAS to "finalize the D"? They have already moved on emotionally and practically found someone new, they already have a settlement covering finances and custody. The pre-existing marriage only becomes an issue if they get to the point of becoming engaged and want to remarry, or you're managing your finances so poorly it affects their credit score when they want to make a major purchase.
The difference between you and my WAS is I filed. I pushed and it cost him thousands in legal fees to stall. 10 court dates over 9 months. I filed separately which cost him thousands in taxes (2 years now). If this wasn't enough incentive I don't know what is. lol
I did back off eventually and decided to wait until he was ready. I had a court date soon after so I have no idea why he did any of this.
I so saw this going differently in my head. Unreal.
