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CW - I truly appreciate the honest answers. It's where the hard work begins. Lots of she still in there though. You give her power and therefore become powerless in your response to her.

For example: You say " I was afraid she'd convince me not to breakup with her". If you take away her power it turns into: "I am afraid I am not strong enough to stick to my decision". And THAT my friend - is probably closer to the truth. Also, and more excitingly, something you have control over thus can change.

All of those reasons except for 1 is fear based therefore it makes sense you did the least confrontational thing. But fear can also blind you into making the most loving decision - not just for her but for yourself as well. There are plenty that argue that if you are making decisions out of fear - there is not room for love.

Maybe go back and try to say all of those reasons again... but with you in the center. What are you afraid of? What aren't you giving yourself? What do you need?

((Hugs))


M(f): 38
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
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*Blind you FROM making the most loving decision *

I really wish the Edit button stayed open longer...


M(f): 38
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
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Update -- I cleaned and left the book and containers she'd given me on the doorstep and went away. She did something unexpected--she shared a wonderful canvas print of the hidden beach where we spent part that magical weekend. Sad, but done.



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I decided to hang it. A canvas of waves crashing against the sand and rocks sparks more joy than the $10 Christmas painting currently there I'd neglected to take down. I took her there because I do love that spot.

I rewired the living room overhead light that's been broken for ten years (there are side lamps).

I continued to sweep and de-web the patio and read about roses and irrigation.

There's hope for my place. (:



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Originally Posted by CWarrior
She did something unexpected--she shared a wonderful canvas print of the hidden beach where we spent part that magical weekend.
If she had broken up with you and you left her a gift of a painting from the place you shared an emotional weekend together, what do you think the feedback on this board would be? Sounds like emotional pressure and pursuit to me.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
I decided to hang it.
Do you really want a painting given to you by your ExGF in an attempt to remind you of a magical weekend you spent with her hanging in your house? My ExW had her uncle do a painting of a picture she took of our two chairs on the beach. I didn't leave it hanging because I went to that beach spot before her; I took it down because it was a gift from her painted by her uncle and a reminder of our now broken relationship. Your life, but it seems a bit odd to me.

Incidentally, I received that painting as a gift from her just one month before BD. Perhaps an example of how emotional/non-logical/confused the WSs brain can be? Why have a painting done of our favorite spot on the beach, go on a nice family vacation with the kids, and then have an affair and break up a marriage? Bizarre.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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I'm glad someone else commented before me because I thought maybe I was crazy, but yeah, everything BL said! That gift was totally a manipulation. And, you are a grown man and all, but I'm not sure why you would want a reminder of that "magical weekend" hanging in your house. I know you mentioned it was a spot you shared with her, but for me, if I had shared a special spot with someone it would be hard for me to separate the 2 things.

I think it was wise for you to be gone when she showed up, but I suspect she'll come at you again. Just stand strong and keep working on your house, yourself, your kids. I think you have a good relationship with your kids, but I'm sure you'd agree that that is one place where there is ALWAYS room to learn and improve to keep that great flow.


Me 51, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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What BL and Dawn said x 1000


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

"True love travels on a gravel road."
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That was some outright manipulation on her part. I’m the very beginning when my ex left, I used to do it all the time. Give him tokens of Happy memories in hopes that he would come back. I am strongly doubting he kept any or hung them up on his walls.

How about a family photo in that spot? Or one of mountains that you have hiked and enjoyed?

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I slept 4 hours. It was my first kid-free day since the breakup. At 9pm I was like.. umm.. what do I do with so many hours?! I remember this feeling. I was done with projects, not sleepy, and my hobbies seemed less exciting. I ate too much.

A few minutes ago she texted, if we aren't going camping or go to a concert this weekend--I'd told her about a concert with an artist I liked--she'd still like to go. Would I mind if she posted it on a singles group for company?

Breakups suck. I'm revising my stand on the highs being worth the lows.



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It's normal to miss companionship after a breakup. Tonight's priority should be to get sleep and get in some exercise while it's light out, as that helps with sleep and reduces stress. I should plan a couple of activities with other people this weekend--but set aside time for self and home care. I've gotten through D after a 10yr marriage. I've got this.



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