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I did read them and that is why I asked for clarification. Maybe it is a semantics thing. I don’t mind a guy who takes charge occasionally as long as I have veto rights. I don’t mind being in charge occasionally and would most certainly extend veto rights to my partner. The way I read and interpreted the quote about men being in control of sex and romance seemed controllling to me which is why I likened it to how a father would treat a child. Again, maybe that is semantics. Or maybe it is a female vs male point of view. For me personally, I want an EQUAL partnership because I can bait my own hook and load my own gun. I don’t NEED a man for anything, but I WANT an equal male partner to share my life with. That means sometimes he takes charge and sometimes I do. Now honestly, in my marriage, I am the planner. Sparky loves to cook so he’ll plan amazing meals but if I expect him to plan a trip, not happening. He’ll sit down with me and say “I’d like to do a,b,c” or whatever but he has ZERO interest in the minutiae of planning, making reservations, buying tickets, etc. I, on the other hand, am detail oriented (and a bit of a control freak) so I’ll gladly make phone calls and find websites to book reservations. That isn’t to say that I’m in control of everything because I ask for his input but I don’t mind handling things and he couldn’t care less so that works for us. On the other hand, when he sets his mind to something, Sparky does fine planning. For my 50th birthday, he surprised me with tickets to the touring show “Wicked” and planned our whole evening. He also worked with my family to plan me a 50th birthday party. I agree with kml that confidence is sexy but manipulation isn’t. I don’t think your characterization of gentle leading is manipulation, but if a man is ordering for me or some of those other things kml mentioned, THAT is manipulation. And let me get this out there. WOMEN CAN BE MANIPULATIVE TOO. And if you aren’t sure about that, I invite you to go back and read CW’s posts about Sunshine and Andrew’s posts about S again. Pure manipulation on both parts, one FAR more blatant than the other…


Me 51, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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Lol. No one said “men are in control of sex”.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
One of my mantras: "The man is in charge of the sex and romance department".
I can plainly see R2C said “in charge” rather than “in control”. I won’t keep belaboring the point because we’re clearly not seeing eye to eye, but obviously I interpreted his “in charge” as “ in control” and I still fail to see how those are different. You keep saying they are but I just don’t get it. If I’m in charge of something, I’m in control of it.


Me 51, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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good thing this is getting locked... what a multipage de-rail.... back to C-dubs dating life!

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Let’s just say for arguments sake that in many marriages with children the women is in charge of getting the school supplies. That doesn’t mean she’s in control of the supplies and the man can’t pick some up. It means she’s the one who takes the lead and makes sure the supplies get bought.

Hope this analogy helps.


M:51 W:46
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Originally Posted by Dawn70
I did read them and that is why I asked for clarification. Maybe it is a semantics thing.
Definitely.



This is MY mantra, maybe LH19's, but not everyone's:
Quote
The man is in charge of the "sex and romance" department.

I have a choice to go home and sit in front of the tube or the PC and ignore my lady, but I find it is much better for my relationship with her to swing by store and pick up some flowers just because. I find it better to be romantic rather than boring or distracted by other things.

Same thing regarding sex. If the bottle of lube (or condoms) runs out, I feel I should replenish it. I don't believe it is her problem to solve.

I definitely do not want the bedroom to become boring. I do not believe my lady does either. If she expresses interest in new areas, I will make it happen for her.

I am also in charge of the "Car repair" department. That doesn't mean my lady doesn't do things that help with the maintenance of the cars. Same thing in the S&R department.



CW is getting his feet wet with the ladies again. It was a big shift in my belief system to go from a married man to dating. How does one wrap their head around forsaking all other until death do us part to dating/kissing/sex?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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I think everyone is different.

For me, I do a whole lot on my own and I’m always charge. I personally like a man to lead and be decisive and not wishy washy. It makes me feel like they are just uninterested and don’t put forth effort.

If a man makes me feel comfortable by being strong, confident and leading, I feel much more confident, and well, much more turned on.

What does not work for me is game playing and drama. Huge turn off.

If a man is interested, he needs to act interested. Otherwise, I’m probably pissed for one day and then I’ve lost interest totally.

Is a man in charge of sex? No. But I do believe he yields a lot of power in wanting to get the woman to have sex with him. Not through games or does he decide when a woman should have it. But I do think a man controls the level of sexual energy.

That’s my two cents.

I honestly don’t understand what is going on with CW’s dynamic. It’s confusing. Poems of love. The teasing. The sleeping next to eachother but no kissing. Sounds like a total control tactic on her end. But that’s only something he knows and if
He is getting enjoyment out of it, power to ya.

And for the record. I don’t think he’s getting a bunch of different points of views. We all kind of warned on the bunny boiler stuff and her games. And that he is as well, the other part of the yo yo which isn’t helping much .

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For the record, take what I say with a grain of salt, because I am clearly bad at love and relationships , lol

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Originally Posted by Ready2Change
CW is getting his feet wet with the ladies again. It was a big shift in my belief system to go from a married man to dating. How does one wrap their head around forsaking all other until death do us part to dating/kissing/sex?
same thing for married women. still trying to wrap my head around it...


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

You have no idea what people are going thru in their personal lives. Be nice. It's that simple.
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Haha bttrfly - I guess because I dated a lot of guys before my marriage, the first time I slept with a guy after my divorce was - well - like riding a bike. Didn’t hurt that he was tall, handsome, smart, and devastatingly sexy though wink

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