It's possible to have second thoughts about a decision yet continue the actions which take you down a particular path. That's life. In anything, not just a D, people have to make decisions and aren't always confident they're choosing correctly...but that also doesn't mean they go back the other way. Could be lying or a guilt trip for help, but also completely possible is she having second thoughts yet is and will continue to move out and towards D.
This exactly. I don't think she's is wanting to get back together or anything like that, but more that the reality of the situation is now sinking in - especially with me pulling more and more away. She thought she would have me to be there and help set up the house for her, do the heavy lifting, and all that crap. Now she's realizing that ain't gonna happen and she's screwed. She is no longer in control of the situation and she no longer has control over me, which is a very new dynamic for her.
The crap part is that there is a problem with the loan going thru apparently so instead of moving out this weekend, she's still here! We don't speak, the house is destroyed with boxes ready to go, and it is just miserable. I need this loan to close and her to GTFO or I'm gonna lose my sh*t.
[quote]I got this as well, I've been getting anger fairly consistently for the last 12 months. She complained to me once how hard it was moving out, how she left her beautiful home and all her nice things and didn't get to see S4 all the time. I responded that this was what she wanted and it was like a volcano of anger, how dare you blame me for this, blah blah blah. Despite her making me promise that our family was the most important thing and to that I would never let anyone or anything come between the 3 of us, she blames me that we can't still be a close famliy. I figure it must just be easier to blame someone else rather than take responsibility. Its hard but I guess you just have to see it for what it is. It isn't personal, its just them finding an excuse to not be culpable for the destruction they have caused.
Damn that sounds so familiar. Her hypocrisy and complete lack of acknowledgement that THIS is what she wanted absolutely kills me. The way they rewrite history, and BELIEVE it, is insane.
I agree with LH that buying a new house and moving into it don't seem like indicators of someone having second doubts. They seem more like indicators of someone trying to guilt trip you into more help. You are free to help as little or as much as you like. Personally, I have let most ex's do their own moving, but I'm not opposed to helping them packup or get their things onto a truck if it expedites getting my place clear of their things. Glad you are doing well, Salty. (:
That is probably very true as well. And I guess "second thoughts" isn't the right phrase, more that her certainty is starting to crack the more she has to do by herself. And she absolutely is trying to guilt me into helping, and TBH it was hard not to. The nice guy tendencies run deep.
If I have a second thought I adjust my sails accordingly.
What I have observed in WS/WAS - they have a second thought and they double down on stupid.
But that's just my observations. : )
She can have second thoughts and still run headlong off a cliff. So you let her. You don't let it affect you (at the very least outwardly) - as you are working through co-dependancy, her actions will affect you less and less. You notice her running off a cliff, you let her make her choice, and you don't take it on or feel the need to warn her (she knows, she doesn't care it's a cliff), help her avoid it (she fired you), or spend energy feeling bad for her.
Stay strong! You are learning so much right now and are on your way to healing!
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
