Picking Up the Pieces After WAW Goes Again #4

[smilie]

Thank you all for your comments.

It certainly is a strange thing and I really didn't expect to hear anything from her, especially this far in. I have done a lot of research on narcissistic behaviour, simply because I looked up her behaviour that I had never before seen and that was what came back - you may remember some of my earlier comments on this - and her behaviour since just before she left and onwards, could have came straight out of the narcissistic handbook. Not saying she is, but some of her behaviour certainly seems to be pointing that way and in this context this text message would be known as "hoovering" to see if I'm still on the hook.

As I say, it may not be that, but it has given me some insight and help me to know how to (or how not to) react and had I not done this research, together the the DB stuff, chances are I may have probably replied, at some stage. So there's that....

Hmmmm. Wonder if she wants something? I would respond sure no problem then state what you want [are entitled to].

TBH I don't feel like getting in to any narrative with her - I don't trust her in the least and something that I would have never thought I would think or even say. She has twisted everything that I have said in the past and I don't particularly want to run the risk of giving her more ammo inadvertently.

Trust me if it is not acceptable to her it will get nasty.

Well she already got nasty, so I reckon that this will just be a continuation of that. I dare say that she will get like this anyway seeing as I haven't responded.

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Good job not jumping all over the the first pleasant note with a quick response.

Cheers for that. It certainly was strange. I didn't even have the incentive to respond, still had a relatively decent nights sleep. It was only in the morning that I started to let my thoughts run a bit. If I had received this message a couple of months or so ago, I may have responded. Strange how time, a change of scenery/location and a slightly different perspective can change things.

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SteveLW
I agree with absolutely everything you have said and I am expecting her to carry on as she has done over these past months as I haven't responded. This is so hypocritical. It's so obvious that she is trying to not go to court and it's my belief that this is because she cannot produce the evidence to back up the statements that she has made and is trying to back-pedal, in order to save face and get a better deal for herself perhaps?

After all, it was her who said to me right at the start of this, that she wanted to ask her lawyer how to get the divorce done and then we'd do that. She never expected me to get my own lawyer and this is one of the reasons why she took all of my resources, I believe. No matter the pain and anguish I felt and with the support of you guys and a couple of friends, I somehow fought through that, extreme anxiety, a worsening neurological disorder, a nightmare lawyer and the threat of homelessness. This is the fight I am fighting and I truly believe that she thought she had beaten me into submission - it certainly felt like she did.

However, I'm still here, in a new location and building up a new social circle. Dare I say it, but I even feel the glimpse of enjoying the odd moment here and there, something that I though had truly vanished.


I'll keep you all updated. Thanks again.

[BL42]

smilie,

Cheers for that. It certainly was strange. I didn't even have the incentive to respond, still had a relatively decent nights sleep. It was only in the morning that I started to let my thoughts run a bit. If I had received this message a couple of months or so ago, I may have responded. Strange how time, a change of scenery/location and a slightly different perspective can change things.

Absolutely. Time and distance provide a much different perspective. Glad you're recognizing progress, and hope you know it will continue.

It's so obvious that she is trying to not go to court and it's my belief that this is because she cannot produce the evidence to back up the statements that she has made and is trying to back-pedal, in order to save face and get a better deal for herself perhaps?

Hopefully you now know your rights inside and out and have a good L you can depend on. If she wants to avoid court make sure you're getting a fair deal under the law or if possible leverage her preference for a better deal for yourself...don't sign anything that's more a more favorable deal for her.

However, I'm still here, in a new location and building up a new social circle. Dare I say it, but I even feel the glimpse of enjoying the odd moment here and there, something that I though had truly vanished.

Excellent! You're starting to feel your strength. Continue working on yourself and keep up the momentum. Also be aware there will be ups and downs throughout the process, so don't get too down on yourself when you experience those bad days.

Keep moving forward!

[Spiral]

Smilie,

Your ex may being nice because she wants something. But sometimes exes are simply cordial. I'm cordial with my ex, but it doesn't mean anything other than we've decided to be cordial with one another. And there may be an element of guilt driving her to be nice. I'm happy to hear how you responded though.

Spiral

[smilie]

Absolutely. Time and distance provide a much different perspective. Glad you're recognizing progress, and hope you know it will continue.

Ah now, I hope it will continue. Hard to see at the moment but looking back over the past couple of months and the changes from there, I trust it will improve more.

...don't sign anything that's more a more favorable deal for her.

Absolutely not!

Excellent! You're starting to feel your strength. Continue working on yourself and keep up the momentum. Also be aware there will be ups and downs throughout the process, so don't get too down on yourself when you experience those bad days.

I do feel like I've been through the wringer though. I'm glad you said about the ups and downs, been having those this week, I think as a result of the text she sent - gets into my head. Pushing through - hopefully it won't last too long.

Your ex may being nice because she wants something. But sometimes exes are simply cordial.

I doubt if she's sincerely trying to be cordial - she has done nothing but the opposite to that since she left.

Off out tonight to a quiz night with the guys from a mens group - hopefully I'll be able to answer some questions!