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smilie Offline OP
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Originally Posted by "SteveLW"
What I see with you is defensiveness and seeing the posters here as "just more of the same abusers".
Defensiveness - probably agree there and more than likely because I am being made out to be something that I am not in other areas by the stbxw. As far a posters here being abusers? Nope, I don't think that in the slightest. I have always valued each persons opinion and been very thankful, I have had difficulty trying to see the way out of this nightmare though with my specific issues and that has been frustrating.

Originally Posted by "SteveLW"
Your situation seems especially complex and thorny
I have been told similar by those who have been helping me IRL.

Originally Posted by "SteveLW"
None of us are qualified to deal with neurological diseases. I really hope your situation improves and you find the peace you seek.
Now that I have the right diagnosis, I am hoping I can find a solution. My aim next year - or from now - is to get my life back on track. I do feel lost on that one though. I feel that I've only just got the space to begin to sort myself out, after all these months.

Thank you


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
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When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
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smilie Offline OP
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Originally Posted by BL42
but am observing even in your response just now you're focusing a lot on external factors (stbxw, Health Services, 1st lawyer, neighbors...etc.) whereas the best way to improve your situation is to look inward and work on yourself.
Point taken - it's my go to way of explaining things.

Originally Posted by BL42
Did you talk to a doctor about anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medication?
Did all that over the summer with my then GP. All medications messed with my head so much I couldn't function. Tablets effect my neurology really bad since this condition came on - can't even take a vitamin tablet without spinning for days!

I'm doing good now though and it's nice the shaking has stopped.

Originally Posted by BL42
Keep moving forward smilie. It WILL get better.
Cheers and I'm sorry if I'm a pain, just been having a hard time of things working against me continually since May and not knowing how to handle stuff. smile


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
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smilie,

How's it going? Are you ready to make 2022 better than 2021?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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smilie Offline OP
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Yeah man! You try and stop me! smile

Emotions are a bit up and down at the moment, more positives now and that's better than being on a permanent down in my book.

I have to figure out GAL a bit more and I think I have the space to think now, whereas before I was too pressured and life was one big panic. I've just arranged to join a mens group at some stage when it restarts for the new year, I'm building my social circle, working out my neurological condition and made enquiries about that and hopefully after the weekend I should be in a position to start working out again at home - oh and I'm going to the Buddhist Centre for a look about meditation next week - so things are on the up!

How are things with you? Happy New Year btw!

Last edited by smilie; 01/04/22 09:21 PM.

M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
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That's a great update, Smilie.

I think you are finally starting to turn the corner and bask in the glimmer of hope. Keep going!

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smilie Offline OP
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It's been a long time coming that's for sure, but it's nice to feel hopeful some of the time. Most days are still weird and tend to start off rubbish in the mornings and I'm still dealing with the divorce rubbish, but I think a morning routine may address that. I may even be en-route to joining life again to some degree! smile Nice feeling..


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
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When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
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smilie Offline OP
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Would you believe I received a text message from my stbxw a few days back - out of the blue. Saying that she would prefer not to go to court and that she hopes I've settled in to my new home. She even ended it with "xx".

She said that she was thinking about replying to the closure letter that I had sent her (beginning of November), to explain the things I had "assumed", but I wouldn't have believed her, so she didn't. Hmmm.

After doing nothing but running me down, acting in an absolutely awful and disgusting manner, I get and "nice" text message. Chalk 'n' Cheese.

Anyway, I didn't respond and sent a copy to my lawyer as she said she preferred to settle out of court.

Put me on the back foot a bit as I haven't heard from her since she picked up her clothes at the beginning of July last year.


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
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Hmmmm. Wonder if she wants something? I would respond sure no problem then state what you want [are entitled to]. Trust me if it is not acceptable to her it will get nasty.

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smilie,

Good job not jumping all over the the first pleasant note with a quick response. I agree w/LH be wary of her wanting something. You have an L and hopefully are well versed in your rights and what you're entitled to financially, so make sure if you do settle outside the courts it's fair for you under the law and not favorable to her.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Originally Posted by smilie
Would you believe I received a text message from my stbxw a few days back - out of the blue. Saying that she would prefer not to go to court and that she hopes I've settled in to my new home. She even ended it with "xx".

She said that she was thinking about replying to the closure letter that I had sent her (beginning of November), to explain the things I had "assumed", but I wouldn't have believed her, so she didn't. Hmmm.

After doing nothing but running me down, acting in an absolutely awful and disgusting manner, I get and "nice" text message. Chalk 'n' Cheese.

Anyway, I didn't respond and sent a copy to my lawyer as she said she preferred to settle out of court.

Put me on the back foot a bit as I haven't heard from her since she picked up her clothes at the beginning of July last year.

She has an objective: To not go to court.
She is trying to get what she wants by manipulation. "Maybe if I am nice, he will give me what I want in the closure without going to court!"

Great job not taking the bait. That is why it doesn't add up. "After doing nothing but running me down, acting in an absolutely awful and disgusting manner, I get and "nice" text message."

When there is nothing she wants, she treats you poorly. Then when there is something she wants, she turns on the charm. Settling out of court only makes sense if you get what you deserve. Do not allow over compromise in the name of not going to court. No matter how sweet she becomes.

And be aware, you are likely to get a nasty gram if and when she doesn't get her way. It is the way WWs operate.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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