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Originally Posted by smilie
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by smilie
I really don't know why some women always seem to go down this route and try to dirty somebody's credibility - what is their angle? Surely it can't be just because they don't want to take any responsibility for their actions? It doesn't makes sense, see as she was the one having affairs for years and moved in with somebody twice!
I suspect you are going to get smacked around about this comment my friend.
Not again! I'm always saying the wrong thing, but it's just my experience. Don't want to offend! frown
Smilies my point is it is not a gender thing its a WW thing. They have to justify their actions to ease the burden of guilt.

How does "Smilies was a great and almost perfect husband who loved me dearly. Having said that, I am going to shack up with OM"?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
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Originally Posted by smilie
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by smilie
I really don't know why some women always seem to go down this route and try to dirty somebody's credibility - what is their angle? Surely it can't be just because they don't want to take any responsibility for their actions? It doesn't makes sense, see as she was the one having affairs for years and moved in with somebody twice!
I suspect you are going to get smacked around about this comment my friend.
Not again! I'm always saying the wrong thing, but it's just my experience. Don't want to offend! frown
Smilies my point is it is not a gender thing its a WW thing. They have to justify their actions to ease the burden of guilt.

How does "Smilies was a great and almost perfect husband who loved me dearly. Having said that, I am going to shack up with OM"?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.- Will Smith
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Hi Smilie,

I�ll attempt to reply a third time, but won�t quote�blame the currently glitchy forums. I still hear you interpreting her decisions as more �about you� than they probably are. Her decision to leave may have been �about you�, but after making that decision so long ago, her antics now are probably more about maximizing what she and her family gets and less about ruining you.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

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Originally Posted by smilie
Isn't it strange that some people think that in order for them to be happy, they have to try and ruin somebody's else's life, (step away from a relationship that isn�t working for them) rather than find out why they don't feel happy inside?

The external and internal interplay. While we may control how we react to a situation, it�s easier to be happy when you like your boss than when you can�t stand them. Time will tell whether removing you from her life increases or decreases her happiness, right?


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

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Originally Posted by LH19
Smilies my point is it is not a gender thing its a WW thing. They have to justify their actions to ease the burden of guilt.

How does "Smilies was a great and almost perfect husband who loved me dearly. Having said that, I am going to shack up with OM"?
I see that patterning and I suppose that's why it seems personal even though it's just that pattern that is run. They obviously know that they are lying to themselves. They rewrite history, but surely that don't actually believe it's real? This would make them delusional to believe the lies they tell and a pathological liar.

I was far from an almost perfect husband! Lol! But I get the point that they would have to make the LBS out to be some kind of awful person. I wonder if they are also after sympathy from others and the OM/OW for extra attention and I would hazard a guess that what they tell OM/OW, will give them an opinion of the LBS and lead them to suggest things and act in ways that they wouldn't have if they were told the truth. This is manipulation.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
I'll attempt to reply a third time, but won't blame the currently glitchy forums. I still hear you interpreting her decisions as more 'about you' than they probably are....
....her antics now are probably more about maximizing what she and her family gets and less about ruining you
I suspect they are upgrading the forum software?

Yes I probably am and it's hard not to. Her family? I'm her family, or was. It's horrible looking at it that way. The thing is there's nothing to 'get' and with the latest lawyer bill, there isn't anything left to get either.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
Time will tell whether removing you from her life increases or decreases her happiness, right?
Yes, but it will be too late. I wonder how many people do this kind of thing firing on emotion and then realise that they have made a huge mistake?

Obviously she has upgraded to a more wealthier individual, but surely it's about connection and love, I thought we had that I really did. Perhaps I'm the one that's delusional? smile


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
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When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
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[/quote]
Obviously she has upgraded to a more wealthier individual, but surely it's about connection and love, I thought we had that I really did. Perhaps I'm the one that's delusional? smile[/quote]

I think a lot of the time we project our own feelings onto our partner and assume they feel the same way, I know I did.

I was content with my relationship and would have never left my ex, the relationship worked for me. So I assumed she felt the same way.

Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back, I don't think I was as happy as I thought I was. And my ex certainly wasn't happy either.

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Originally Posted by smilie
The thing is there's nothing to 'get'
You already mentioned maintenance payments, money she �stole�, a pension, dental, rent, utilities, etc.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

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Originally Posted by smilie
This would make them delusional to believe the lies they tell and a pathological liar.
Hi smilie, if you need to, draw her with a pointy mustache, tying you down to a train track. Rewriting history is usually about choosing what moments merit inclusion and focus. It can include embellishment, but most have done enough wrong over the course of an LTR, such is not strictly necessary. LBS do nearly as much history rewriting as WAS. We see it all the time. Someone wants to save the R, they tell us certain stories about their ex, they want to move on, they tell us darker stories. If a reconciliation attempt is near, suddenly those darker stories are downplayed. Yes, viewing your ex as wonderful or as the worst of villains are usually both self-delusions. No, I wouldn't call you a pathological liar. You're human. (:

Try to separate out in your mind what she says in court--a legal business matter--from what she says elsewhere. She wrote you a letter about the breakup. A very kind one, if I recall correctly.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by smilie
This would make them delusional to believe the lies they tell and a pathological liar.
Yes, viewing your ex as wonderful or as the worst of villains are usually both self-delusions. No, I wouldn't call you a pathological liar. You're human. (:

Try to separate out in your mind what she says in court--a legal business matter--from what she says elsewhere. She wrote you a letter about the breakup. A very kind one, if I recall correctly.
I was querying as to the WAS being pathological liars if they believe what they are saying - not me!

She didn't write me a letter, just a text message when she dumped me, saying that she won't abandon me and will pay the rent and bills til end of august. She has gone back on everything she said - all lies of course - and hasn't kept to anything. So even if it sounded nice, she hasn't kept to anything she said.

I don't view her as a villain, or wonderful at this stage, I just want to get out of this worsening situation - My lawyer has just billed me �2850 for one month for doing almost nothing. This is the money I need to move and rent a new house - divorce shouldn't be this expensive, but she has been going on about maintenance payments and this has taken the money I think.

Every day this situation gets a little bit worse. Every time I put my trust in somebody my life gets worse and I have less money. It's like I'm getting kicked in the gut over and over again and there's nothing I can do. How much more?


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
---
When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
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Wow, if I have my exchange rates right, that�s more than I paid my attorney for my whole divorce. She is a $700/hr laser scalpel. �What�s my expected outcome? What do you propose? How much would that cost me? What if I do nothing?� It�s true I or a paralegal do any legwork because her time�s more valuable. I was surprised your attorney was sending emails about utilities. If mine spent 15min on the topic, even if I won, I�d lose financially. As with mechanics and doctors, be discerning in what work you approve. PS - This is another area where you can take ownership or let things �just happen� to you.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

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