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Sorry COVID is causing a delay. For me it thankfully didn’t affect it. 3 weeks after everything was signed I got the official stamp.

I would caution you, your ex may use the fact you are at her family’s house to ensure unnecessary contact, drama and continued nonsense. Especially when she is bored, lonely, or her boyfriend doesn’t live up to expectations.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
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Yes, it's interesting you left your apartment to avoid the drama of your XW seeing you regularly, but living in your XW's family home opens you up to her drama in other ways. I wonder what you are saving money for. Saving money can be a great thing. I hope your next update you're still chill about XW and sticking by wherever your kids live. Fingers crossed.



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Yeah I understand there is a potential for drama, but if that happens I can just split to elsewhere, I keep a couple spots in my back pocket.

As far as she is concerned my mind makes very little room for her. She is in Cancun with her BF right now, I just texted her "Have a safe trip, yall have fun" that was it. I took the day off tomorrow so I could watch the kids, I also am glad I did cause my son has his second team soccer game and I wasn't able to go to the first one so that will be awesome. I made up the hours ahead of the week this time.

The L comforted me so well about her being unable to really do anything to me since she signed the agreement and as long as I hold up my end there isn't jack squat she can legally do. Unless I get arrested or win the lottery it stands.

As far as saving money its to move later. Into a nicer place that is 3 bedrooms, I was in a 2 bedroom and my son being 8 and D being 6 they kind of want thier own space. I figure for a couple hundred dollars more I could do that, but I needed to pull out of that spot to save up a new deposit and etc.
Also for my birthday coming up I am getting some tattoo work. I had the EW name in her native language on my forearm with a symbol and some other things. (I know stupid) But I have an amazing artist appointment coming up Monday, he is going to do a nice coverup for me. it wont be cheap but I want it gone.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Hey Steve, how much would the tattoo money help getting into the 3 beddy sooner?


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Hi Steve_, the legal advice you got sounds incomplete. Child custody percentages and child support may be renegotiated until your kids complete school, and petitioning for a change doesn't require anything as grand as a felony or winning the lotto. That's because the court's interests are to ensure the children are provided for. Note, I'm not a lawyer and this doesn't constitute legal advice.

Given the dubious advice I was curious how you found an attorney--

Originally Posted by Steve_
My WW got the lawyer when OM got his lawyer.

The L also told me since he represented both of us if she wanted to change terms on me she would need a new L and a whole new 5,000$ plus retainer and would have to wait until the judgment was stamped, so there is literally jack squat she can do.

The L comforted me so well about her being unable to really do anything to me since she signed the agreement and as long as I hold up my end there isn't jack squat she can legally do. Unless I get arrested or win the lottery it stands.

I'm skeptical this attorney legally represented your WW and now legally represents both of you. That would normally be considered a conflict of interest. You might double-check. Also, procuring a new attorney doesn't require a $5,000 retainer. Plenty make do with $500 or $2000. I believe your state also provides free resources. If a change is warranted expect it to happen.



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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Hey Steve, how much would the tattoo money help getting into the 3 beddy sooner?
I'm not a tattoo guy and don't know how much they cost, but I'd definitely put the priority on getting out of the Ex-InLaws place and into my own before any ink work.

Originally Posted by CWarrior
Hi Steve_, the legal advice you got sounds incomplete.
Originally Posted by Steve_
The L also told me since he represented both of us...
I'm skeptical this attorney legally represented your WW and now legally represents both of you. That would normally be considered a conflict of interest. You might double-check.
I share CWarrior's skepticism. Isn't it a major ethical violation to represent opposing parties in a matter? When I contact my attorney's firm about the affair/potential separation/D my L's paralegal ran a conflict of interest check on me to ensure they hadn't already met with now-ExW/then-W before L would even do an initial consult with me. That's actually how she realized (months later) I had already met with an attorney...she contacted my L's firm for a consult and they wouldn't meet with her.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Agreed BL, I would be putting every cent into saving for that 3 beddy place. I bet it would improve Steve’s confidence and self-esteem being able to provide tha my place for his kids.

I don’t want tattoos but I’m not against them particularly on other people. Each to their own, but you don’t put stickers on a Ferrari!


Me: 40 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

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I should probably keep my mouth shut, but none of this makes sense .

Moving to escape the drama of your ex by moving into her parents house? This is just baffles me. Your ex will come and go as she pleases in her parents house. It sounds like you are placing yourself smack dab into the middle of drama. Literally inserting yourself into it.

A shared attorney for a divorce and custody? That’s a conflict of interest if I ever heard of one totally unethical. And totally not smart!

And needing money for the deposit on your apartment , yet you are getting an expensive tattoo? Live free off your inlaws, move your kids a few extra times so you can get a tattoo? I have tattoos and I know that one is likely a large portion of the deposit you need for your apartment.

You actually on impulse and in the moment. Moving hours away, then telling your ex to move hours away, now this week, she’s too close, so you gotta move in with the in laws and right this moment the kids need an extra bedroom? You are also still keeping yourself enmeshed. Living with her parents? Calling her to wish her a nice trip in Mexico? Come on dude.

Slow down and make smart decisions! Think then through! You really need to adult up and provide some stability for you and your kids and totally unmesh yourself from your ex. I mean, is your GF going to come visit you at your ex In laws house?

Slow down, be smart, prioritize, and think long term

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Originally Posted by Steve_
Yeah I understand there is a potential for drama, but if that happens I can just split to elsewhere, I keep a couple spots in my back pocket.

As far as she is concerned my mind makes very little room for her. She is in Cancun with her BF right now, I just texted her "Have a safe trip, yall have fun" that was it. I took the day off tomorrow so I could watch the kids, I also am glad I did cause my son has his second team soccer game and I wasn't able to go to the first one so that will be awesome. I made up the hours ahead of the week this time.

The L comforted me so well about her being unable to really do anything to me since she signed the agreement and as long as I hold up my end there isn't jack squat she can legally do. Unless I get arrested or win the lottery it stands.

As far as saving money its to move later. Into a nicer place that is 3 bedrooms, I was in a 2 bedroom and my son being 8 and D being 6 they kind of want thier own space. I figure for a couple hundred dollars more I could do that, but I needed to pull out of that spot to save up a new deposit and etc.
Also for my birthday coming up I am getting some tattoo work. I had the EW name in her native language on my forearm with a symbol and some other things. (I know stupid) But I have an amazing artist appointment coming up Monday, he is going to do a nice coverup for me. it wont be cheap but I want it gone.
I had to share a room with my twin brother even though we lived in a 4 bedroom house growing up. And my mom grew in a 900 sq ft house as one of 5 girls with only one bathroom. So if you want the path to sainthood as a dad, try that (haha)!

And I would definitely be getting that tattoo fixed too.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Yeah this getting the tattoo fixed is important to me. It’s her name, it needs to go.

I didn’t call her to tell her to have a good trip, it was just a text. There has been a couple exchanges due to my son losing a tooth and being excited and etc. Just remaining pleasant. The EW can come and go sure, so can I. And the fact I’m working 5-6 days a week mostly 12 hour shifts I won’t be having time to see her around anyways. She works nights late night so the amount of time for her to be around to mess with me is very limited. 90% of the time she is at work when I get off. So only her days off she may come around, doesn’t mean I need to be there. I got plenty else to do, gym, Bible study, walk, etc…

An attorney can represent both clients in a matter that is uncontested. Essentially I am (pro-persona) or not represented, and she is. But since the L advised both of us as a mediator and he is prepared her suit against me he cannot represent her in a new case to sue to change the agreement he mediated (that would be a conflict of interest). To get a new L to redo the entire settlement agreement will cost her a minimum of $1500 to retain around here. They know it’s a lot of court time and meeting with family law people involved. To do this over will run her at least what it cost the first time. And she got lucky this L doesn’t bill hourly or when you call etc. He is a stand up guy. But until this settlement and action has been completed she cannot start a new one. She could only petition for emergency support but that would be dumb of her since it will be less than what I give now.

Yeah I’m not gonna have my GF come and visit me there lol. I’m saying max I’ll be there is 90-120 days. With all the hours im gonna do they will fly by. If I want to see my GF I’ll just go over to where she is. The EW is living with her BF now so I don’t think we will have much of an issue, she wants to keep the peace to make her R and life easier as well. I am not living on emotion, or ridiculously. I am placing a high level of faith that things will get better, taking some big adjustments to do so and putting forth decency, understanding and love.

Yeah what happened was horrible, wrong and disgusting. But because of creating these two people we are stuck being family of some kind. There is no reason I shouldn’t give a shot to putting down the weapons of anger and resentment and just putting forward positivity and willingness to heal this wound and move forward.

I am prepared to do this the hard way, and to leave at a moments notice if I need, I’m bringing next to nothing with me. I am ready for this to go either way. But I want to at least try to put down the groundwork for everyone to be able to find happiness and move on. I pray that it works. Sometimes you have to a crazy level of faith that it will workout. Sometimes creating a big change takes bold action. Sitting here living in the same complex for another year, working the same job, maintaining the same sitch will not create any positive change that I need. This may not either but it’s taking an action to put myself into the drivers seat of my future, many decisions got made for me this past year, this time I make them for myself better or worse I’m ready to handle whatever comes my way.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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