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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Jun 2019
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Long ago in a galaxy far, far away I had an XW (11yrs) and an XGF (6mo). My fitness plans are races in Aug and Nov, plus another attempt to climb TheMountain in 2022. I'm toying with FlyLady and Bumble.

Previous Thread:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2919995

*** Life in 5 Bullet Points ***
1. I had 3 therapists leave in a row. I got a full refund from the service and am interviewing two local ICs this week.
2. My kitchen is still my biggest adversary. I started using the FlyLady app.
3. I'm focusing less on Ms. TC
4. I accepted a new batch of Bumble bees and have a picnic date next Monday.
5. My podiatrist asked me to stay off the foot with the stress fracture for the next 3 weeks. Going cardio-less will be hard but given I have races in Aug and Nov and will train to climb again in January it's time to bite the bullet. I hope to make progress on all my ailments--allergic rashes from poison oak, a sore left shoulder, a tweak to my right knee, and a recurring hand infection. The joys of aging.



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I was determined to keep my weekend free from dates, to spend a day cleaning, and a day on the coast. Then, I had an engaging conversation with MsPaddleboarder who lives on the coast and described being active in nature as her happy place. She invited me to meet at her place and go standup paddleboarding using her own boards. She's like, the tide's best at 8am--and I'm a morning person. Offers you can't refuse. I'm not telling my podiatrist about this, lol. Who says dating can't be fun? The only negative is she's "not sure what she's looking for" and twice suggested meeting at her place--curiosity, open heart, open mind, see what happens. (:



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I know you're excited. I don't want to be a wet blanket but the thought has occurred to me that these dates are a distraction from the real work on your childhood stuff... just saying. feel free to ignore me. most do.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

"True love travels on a gravel road."
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Hi Butterfly, I would never ignore you!

In June, I paid an online therapy service, and 2 therapists never responded and 1 went on a 3-month emergency leave of absence just as we began to dig into "meat". I told them the 3rd therapist was their last chance. They've given me a full refund. Yes, I legitimately spent a month trying to find someone to pay for therapy, lol.

A week ago I paid a local service, and I'm interviewing a Zoom therapist today and an in-person therapist tomorrow. I'm using "services" because their rates are the same nationally--which means they're 50% of what it would cost to hire either of these local therapists if I called their receptionists.

I've "talked" about my childhood before. I feel like guidance is needed so on Father's Day when someone asks me to tell me a funny story about my dad, I don't flashback to trips to the ER or near-death experiences. I'm triggered monthly, not daily. I'm not certain how much you can reduce such triggers.



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I've had patients who got good results working with a therapist who uses EMDR for past trauma. I know it seems like hokum but I can't argue with the results.

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I have a friend who is doing well with EMDR as well for his past trauma.

{quote=CWarrior]
I've "talked" about my childhood before. I feel like guidance is needed so on Father's Day when someone asks me to tell me a funny story about my dad, I don't flashback to trips to the ER or near-death experiences. I'm triggered monthly, not daily. I'm not certain how much you can reduce such triggers.[/quote]

I don't know if triggers get reduced so much as we become harder to trigger, if that makes sense. For me I had to seek non-traditional therapy, and it's made all the difference.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

"True love travels on a gravel road."
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Originally Posted by kml
I've had patients who got good results working with a therapist who uses EMDR for past trauma.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
For me I had to seek non-traditional therapy, and it's made all the difference.

I asked for a therapist who wasn't "Talky Talky". Neither offers EMDR. smirk I described my goals as: 1. Being less triggered by my childhood, 2. Being less panicked by my fear of falling, and 3. I picked the 2nd therapist who offers more tools (ACT, DBT, Behavioral Therapy) and was a better communicator. She was also clear what she couldn't help with.

This weekend my focus is on getting my home in better shape. My only weekend date is MsPaddleboader. I did make plans to see two friends and at least opened up with one it was hard not hiking or running this week. I will strive to be more vulnerable with the other one when we meet. No tears, but sharing what mattered this week.

Dating Batch II - I wish I'd waited another week or two, but presenting the bachelorettes--

MsPaddleBoarder(46) - Lives an hour away but on the coast which is a place I drive to 2-3x/week. She's my fave because she's teaching me paddleboarding on our first date! I'm bringing a fancy picnic. She's texting me pages per day. All good stuff, but maybe too needy? Enjoy the paddleboarding and assess! She's been divorced 13yrs so no issues there.

MsBurningWoman(42) - 9 of 10 attractive, lawyer, adventurous in different ways than me. Our 45-min coffee date was AWKWARD. She texted after it was a bad day and we should try again on a weekend. Undecided. smirk

MsCatWoman(45) - ONLY because we had an engaging 45min phone call and she lives next to a friend.

MsUkelele (43) - She's funny and adventurous. We're doing a whisky tasting on the water. She offered to bring food!!

MsStylsihDancer(42) - I love the creativity shown in her wardrobe and photography. We have nothing in common, but I'm curious.

MsMeditatingComedian(39) - A mix of introverted and extroverted hobbies. I admit I swiped right because of her bikini photo.

MsHeadmistress(46) - Well-known adventurous community member. Polite, but two week queue for a date?! No rush. (:

---

Ms TC - We were texting daily, calling every 2-3 days. I "gave up" this weekend. As I processed I didn't initiate anything but replied within 1-2 hours. Mon was her 1st time on Bumble in a week. Tue/Wed/Thu neither of us texted. Thursday I called 1x and texted 1x. No reply until today, and a 2-liner at that. Dunno what's up. I hope to end up good friends.



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My new picnic blanket and insulated picnic basket arrived! Ms Paddleboarder(46) has a thing for nectarines--and I figure if she's offering a day of SUP I can get away with a fancy picnic: 1) mozzarella, salami, & roasted red pepper sandwiches, 2) black-eyed pea salad, 3) nectarine cobbler. Yes, that last one should hook her!

I think MsBurningWoman(42) is a NEXT. No red flags, she's gorgeous, and she's well-off--but it was awkward, on weekdays she says she's in work mode, and our weekends don't align. It feels like a math problem. If she were comfortable hanging out 1-2 hours on weekdays, weekend mismatches aren't forever. Ahh well. (:



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Ms TC is talking to me again. Yay! Maybe she had some processing to do, too.



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I am loving the bachelorette lineup! You must be quite a catch! It's great to seeing you embrace life. IDK about Ms. TC, taking a break to process, did she let you know first? Or did she ghost you and pop back up? Might be a red flag (for me it would be, but you are not me) : ) I'm feeling big-sisterish, so feel free to ignore my opinion. lol

How great that your dates are adventures. I'm living vicariously through you in the dating world.

*I did EMDR. It was amazing and life-changing. I am not who I once was! If your therapist doesn't work out, I would encourage you to take another look, maybe when restrictions are lowered.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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