Oh and I forgot to mention about 6 months ago he deleted all social media accounts. Looking back on things that’s about the same time that he began o refer to his old life and his new life. He made comments about he liked his old life and that nothing he has done has brought him happiness. He would say “I always thought if I changed this then I would happy or I changed that then I would be happy but nothing has got me there”. He deleted everything and says he wants no part of any social media. He wasn’t a big social media person before or during the crisis. I’m not familiar with a WAS. I’ve read a bit about it earlier but the MLC just seemed to fit the part exactly. Maybe I should read about a WAS a bit more. Is there any specific differences that stand out?
I replied to these messages but it’s not showing in my end so I apologize if I am repeating myself. Thank you all so much for your responses and opinions. I listen and try to mirror myself from your guidance. I appreciate them so much!!
Detachment- wow!! I’ve never looked at it this way. I guess I didn’t realize that was something that needed to be continued. Although, I don’t see how I couldn’t so maybe that’s part of my confusion. Does that mean that I won’t be able to fall completely and fully in love with him again? Does that mean I continue my independence for a lifetime? You really made me see this in a different light. I would be dumb not to continue it. I do understand and it does make sense.
The phone texting app- well in the 18 yr m that we had he was def the opposite of controlling. He liked his freedom and trust and wanted me to have the same. When he left things changed and he became the opposite of what he was in the m. I’m not sure if he messaged me from the number to see if I would react for fear of loosing me or if it game him another reason to blame me for him leaving. Probably a little of both. He was so mean in the beginning and made things up just to hate me. He would comment on my outfits and tell me I was dressing like a slut (I’ve never dressed inappropriately) but he made those comments because he was uncomfortable with what I was wearing. It made him jealous and that would just give him another reason to text me all night about how much he hated me.
As to the “being a good guy or wanting the r for the last year”- NO he has not pursued a r for the last year, he has only became a more stable man the last year. There have been occasional “I can’t live without you, I’m so sorry, I love you and I wanna be with you” but they were in the moment. I didn’t make much outta that because I knew it was for the moment and wasn’t real. I mean I believe in that moment he was genuine but I also knew that by the next day his mind would change. The last 5 weeks or so has been very consistent about wanting to come home and efforts to come home. His remorse is finally addressed towards me for the first time. Although, he is more lost. He is overcome with sadness and almost can’t breathe at times. He wants to come home at any expense but he seems like he doesn’t remember clearly the last 3 years. When I ask him something then he comments “yeah yeah I kinda remember that and I’m so sorry” but it’s almost as if he can’t understand what happened. Does that make any sense? So Mr Thornton, your w came hime months at a time then left again? Geez that’s horrible! I can’t imagine the torture of that. Finally feeling somewhat secure then leaving again. Did she finally come home for good?
Ok so the WAS- ummm I read about that in the beginning but I’m not real familiar with the difference better a WAS and a MLC? Back a few years ago I had really tried decide between the two but the signs were so clear as to a MLC. Is there anything specific that can differentiate the two? I don’t know that my h would have ever left if I hadn’t made him go and if I had allowed him to go to the bar every night, only come home on nights he chose to, and held him accountable for his actions. I’m the beginning he said “I would have never left if you hadn’t made me” and now his comment to that is disbelief and “if I hadn’t been sick and wrong then I woulda never left”? Do the rules change with the WAS as to the MLC?