I purchased my cemetery plot today. And since this was a transaction in my rural area, much of it was leaning on the bed of a pickup talking in the slow way we do here about all the various relatives etc. I'm not 100% sure but can probably with 90% certainty say that I am related to the man who officially was representing the cemetery board while his wife did the actual paperwork. Various ancient scandals and stories were exhumed and discussed.
My joke that I only needed a single plot because mentioning to someone you're dating that you've already picked out their cemetery plot for them is probably a turn-off was met with guffaws. It worked out well to do this transaction today as not only is it in between calving and hay season, there was an internment today so I wandered around "visiting" until they were ready for me.
Part of the conversation is about how challenging it is for them to ensure the cemetery continues to be maintained - "this younger generation" blah blah blah. He's trying to get his son (21) to start taking over from him with only modest success so far.
He also mentioned one interesting aside in that many internments aren't as smooth as he might like and there are various conflicts that sometimes come out. He's glad that my own situation will be simple and well organized. I expect those that aren't are more difficult.
On the way home I sang a lovely song by Danny Schmidt - "Company of Friends" to myself and felt slightly melancholy. I have no intention on using this plot any time soon but am glad that it is all sorted out. When I do eventually shuffle off, knowing that I have a spot to Rest where I want to is reassuring.
I've made copies of all the paperwork and sent it off to my kids so they have it on file along with instructions on how to use it when the time comes. I did ask and the rules at this cemetery is that a double plot can hold up to 6 and a single plot 3. I said that while the kids and I had discussed it in general terms that I wasn't going to put their names down. I was assured that if needed that it can be sorted out and doesn't have to be set right now.
Second load of laundry is out on the line - late in the day, I may have to toss it into the dryer. While I was hanging it out my neighbour came over to ask if they could pick from my rhubarb patch. I told them that it was done for the year but that next year they were welcome. They had moved away from the village for a few years and then moved back only recently so know me and my family and asked after the kids. They asked after my ex as well and if I knew what she was up to and shook their heads when I just said that she and the guy she ran off with had bought a house in the small town just to the north and that I really didn't know anything else other than that she had also stopped working at the liquor store.
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Not much else going on. Work continues to be crazy. I messaged my best friend who I haven't seen in probably over a year that we need to find a patio to have a visit on soon now that we're starting to re-open. As is the case everywhere, restaurants are having a problem finding staff. Where we would meet which is a short drive from the plant is a "university town" with 2 large universities and at least 2 colleges so there should be kids looking for work I would hope.
Lots to do this weekend still - I need to do the sweeping / dusting / vacuuming. I did the scrubbing last weekend. The grass needs cutting. I broke down and bought new trousers that match my current waistline that will need pressing along with my shirts that need ironing.
I'm going to try smoked kippers with my breakfast tomorrow - a call-out to any Red Dwarf fans out there. I have to read up on how to cook them. I also want to make some cuttings of my lilacs and see if I can get them to root. I have the rooting hormone and read that it's best to put them into sand (waves to Dawn ) The lilacs are 30+ years old and aren't spreading organically so starting some fresh shoots where I want them might make sense.
Enough for now - not much really going on but I figured I'd do a footprint for the current thread.
Happy Weekend all.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Not much going on here but I thought I'd wander by.
My son wandered over on Sunday to borrow my power drill and we had a nice visit. I felt bad because it was late afternoon when he got here and I felt that I should invite him to stay for dinner but had a stack of work to do in the office that meant that I really didn't have the time for more than just a basic meal. As it was, it was rather late before I got to bed.
I did invite him over for next weekend but he countered, inviting me to his place next Sunday for Father's Day. I'll bring a pie. I've not had a meal at his place before - it should be nice. He's a really good cook.
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I sent off payment #44 of 77 to my ex-wife earlier this week and before I did, re-read separation agreement to double check the number of payments and was surprised to notice that there's what appears to be a "non-reconciliation clause" in it.
I looked it up and it's a standard clause so probably just copy/pasted from a standard template. An online template has this one FREEDOM FROM THE OTHER The husband and the wife will not annoy, harass, molest or in any way interfere with the other or attempt to compel the other to live with him or her.
Mine also includes wording that neither of us will harrass directly or indirectly the other OR their partners. Blah blah blah - whatever. I suppose her hiding in the shrubberies was more humorous than harassing
I still can't imagine a scenario where she would have the remorse necessary nor can I imagine going back into that life of walking on eggshells all the time.
And like that co-worker I mentioned the other day - I can see any attempt to have an under-current of anger and distrust - probably on both sides. I no longer feel any sort of "duty" towards her - took a long time to let that go. Like I was commenting on the other day, she also comes with significant baggage including people who I consider toxic that I don't want in my life again.
Those scenarios and considering the baggage that others will have - certainly continues to push me towards reluctance to share my space again. And a lot of that baggage certainly doesn't get revealed early on. Maybe I'm getting too paranoid - or perhaps not.
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I just got my hydro bill - a whole $67.41 which I thought was perhaps a record low value, but in 2017 when it was also just me in the house my bill was $63.63. Certainly nothing to complain about. This is a pretty low action household. I produce about enough garbage to put one can out once a month now. There were 4 every 2 weeks when S and her "loafer litter" (love that phrase bttrfly) were here. It's probably inappropriate to lurk on a potential date's curb on garbage night to see how much trash they generate Lifestyle-wise though, I think that could be a good predictor of compatibility.
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Still struggling with work. There's just sooo much going on. I was working until about 8:30 last night getting things ready for the plant for today. Up at 6:00 this morning, at my home-office desk before 7:00 although I have taken a break now that the plant is running along for now. Lots of things going wrong lately. With 2 competitors on at least partial shut-down we have more orders than we can fulfil so have to constantly juggle things. I think I have more of a sense of humour about it than perhaps my predecessors. I did make a suggestion to one customer that if they kept missing their appointments that they should be bringing coffee and doughnuts for everyone else who is inconvenienced The control room suggested that I up the ante and ask for pizza.
I'm on site 3 days / week for now which will probably go up to 4 days. COVID case counts are dropping like a stone up here, things appear to be getting back to a more normal. I have to reach out to my best friend who I've not seen in over a year to see if we can find a seat on a patio and catch up.
My boss I know is frustrated with how slow I am picking things up as am I and reminds me - and himself - that the things he's needing me to do he has 30+ years of experience doing and we both know that to be able to intuitively see the "bigger picture" takes time and experience. He did let slip in a conversation with one of the railways we deal with that he is intending on retiring in 3-4 years (he's 6 months older than me) and I'll probably take over a portion of his job. Assuming I don't burn out or go mad first. I do have a stack of lottery tickets to check and last night's draw was 70 million.
Well - time for a fresh pot of tea and to see if everything is running ok realizing that something probably has popped up that needs to be looked at.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Good luck with those lottery tickets! Sparky and I are holding out hope to hit one here, but I guess that means we must actually buy tickets first.
Yay for covid numbers dropping and Sunday Father's Day dinner at your son's place. I hope you enjoy it and your time with him.
Try to get some down time and relax when you can. This job is consuming an awful lot of your time and energy.
How's Monty?
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
If the boss is planning to retire in 3-4 years and expecting you to step into his shoes, shouldn't you have an assistant right now who could start to learn the job you are doing now, or at least some of it? These hours really aren't sustainable (or at least, he should be paying you a lot more for working them).
As for being paranoid about dating - healthy boundaries isn't being paranoid. But maybe this pandemic and new position at work have been good things in that they have enforced a break from dating to give you time to recover and get your thinking straight on that.
As for that clause in the divorce papers - wow. I don't think mine had anything like that, but then again, I could have skipped right over something like that at the time. Doesn't seem like it has any teeth in terms of enforcement. But seems like the projection or guilt of a WAS - "Don't come after me trying to reconcile and don't bother my affair partner". Seriously? Good riddance!
Those scenarios and considering the baggage that others will have - certainly continues to push me towards reluctance to share my space again. And a lot of that baggage certainly doesn't get revealed early on. Maybe I'm getting too paranoid - or perhaps not.
Originally Posted by kml
As for being paranoid about dating - healthy boundaries isn't being paranoid.
This is an interesting point. Dawn and Sparky seem like an amazing couple. They're married, incredibly supportive of each other, and all-in. Dawn still sets healthy boundaries for herself like, "No, I will not live in MIL's house." Perhaps one of the ladies I'm dating and I will pair up, and she has a monstrous amount of debt or a son who's a drug addict. We could date, get intimate, fall in love, and even move in. I'd still have to set and enforce boundaries like, "No, your son will not live with me until he's clean." or "No, I will not marry you while you have so much debt."
This is an interesting point. Dawn and Sparky seem like an amazing couple. They're married, incredibly supportive of each other, and all-in. Dawn still sets healthy boundaries for herself like, "No, I will not live in MIL's house." Perhaps one of the ladies I'm dating and I will pair up, and she has a monstrous amount of debt or a son who's a drug addict. We could date, get intimate, fall in love, and even move in. I'd still have to set and enforce boundaries like, "No, your son will not live with me until he's clean." or "No, I will not marry you while you have so much debt."
Honestly, CW, I don't know that Sparky and I are "amazing" as much as I think our relationship is a product of both of us having been in relationships that didn't survive and we now, as "mature" adults, know how to better communicate and be a good partner, but also know the importance of taking care of ourselves in the process. I'm no good to Sparky if I'm all down and out and vice versa. I don't mean that we don't have bad, sad, angry days or whatever, but if I'm not taking care of me, I can't take care of Sparky. It is like that old saying about in order to be happy with someone, you must first be happy with yourself. I think Sparky and I are both at an age where we really understand that. Younger people don't because happiness is more externally motivated when you are younger. I also think that we realize that a relationship ending, while sad and tough to process the loss, is not the be all end all and there IS love and happiness to be found again. Once we figure out that we are going to live through that divorce or break-up and get real about what makes us happy, there is a more authentic feel to a relationship. I wouldn't say Sparky and I don't fight because we certainly have disagreements, but we are both quick to de-escalate and go ok, now wait, you said this and this is what I heard and this is how that made me feel and the other will go, well, I did say that, but what I meant was this and we can talk through things a lot better.
Sorry for the hi-jack, Andrew!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Not a hi-jack at all. Discussing what makes for a healthy relationship is always good.
Originally Posted by Dawn70
Good luck with those lottery tickets! Sparky and I are holding out hope to hit one here, but I guess that means we must actually buy tickets first.
Yay for covid numbers dropping and Sunday Father's Day dinner at your son's place. I hope you enjoy it and your time with him.
Try to get some down time and relax when you can. This job is consuming an awful lot of your time and energy.
How's Monty?
I was on the phone with a customer in Quebec yesterday and we've gone in together on a batch of tickets. I picked them up last night from the convenience store across the street and sent her a copy that included a note that proceeds to be split 50/50 and she e-transferred the money right back. It's a record high prize for here.
With $1 million - which isn't nearly as much as it used to be - I could retire immediately. That's a touch more than I would make working until retirement. Not that I have any real hopes on this. The big prize is $70 million which is a number that I just can't comprehend.
Monty is doing fairly good. He's coughed up a couple of hair-balls recently. I need to be more diligent on brushing him. The vet didn't have the special hypoallergenic food he had been on (with no hair-balls) and substituted one that they assured me was just as good. Because he was adopted, we have no idea exactly why he was on this special food. His humour and activity level is staying consistent and he's not tossing up the food so I'm assuming that with the heat and shedding that he just needs more brushing.
He's not keen on me going away to the plant all day and is currently on my desk whacking my hands with his tail. He usually hangs out for an hour or so in the mornings and then wanders off after first attacking my hands and arms while purring madly.
The water bottle is working well for discipline and he'll stare at me just before deliberately doing something bad. If I pick up the water bottle and point it towards him we have a staring stand-off which he never wins.
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Work continues to be extra-nuts but next week should be better even if I don't win the lottery. One section of the plant is going into shutdown for a week and so I won't have to plan loads in and out of there. My boss takes on far too much of the load on himself and is one of those people who can make up his mind in 4 different directions within minutes - all correct but different decisions. Last night I got an email from him as I was going to bed telling me to change what tanks were were pulling product from today - since those trucks weren't loading until mid-morning I responded that I would look into it in the morning. This morning, other things had changed - in part because of a mistake at the plant overnight and we were back on the plan that I had put in place the night before. He's well respected but as you can imagine everyone finds it frustrating how he can go all over the map, especially when things are difficult like they are right now.
I'm finding that being on site has helped a lot in building relationships with the guys including the operations manager who I've butted heads with in the past. It's nice as well that I can just get up and walk out and "see" things and talk to people when I need to. I've noticed that the amount of cooperation that I'm getting has gone up a lot in the past few weeks as the guys are getting to know me not as "that guy from corporate" but as "that guy in a bow tie that is wandering around with his clipboard and asking opinions and listening" - or at least so I hope. I try to approach everything with a good humour and a laugh. There are times as well when they guys just want to vent and complain - sometimes about things that I've done and I just let them go - DB 101 I suppose. Usually once they get things off their chest and know that they've been heard then we can work together on making things right.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
) The lilacs are 30+ years old and aren't spreading organically so starting some fresh shoots where I want them might make sense.
