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A Message from Michele
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DnJ #2922042 08/01/21 05:48 PM
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Originally Posted by DnJ
I see lying as the gateway to cheating, fraud, and further immoral and illegal behaviours. But how white a lie is ok? Notice the usage of the word but. See how that attempts to justify the behaviour. That clouds things. It is simply, how white a lie is ok? But, I digress. Lol. smile

I've posted this before but it is a favourite quote
Originally Posted by Granny Weatherwax
There's no greys, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
DnJ #2922045 08/02/21 01:35 AM
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That�s a good quote Andrew.


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S23 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2922079 08/03/21 12:15 AM
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DnJ, I am on the little island. Remember, the one where I yelled at the moon? Not sure there is a full moon while I am here, I will have to go check in the wee hours again. Made me think of you.

Lord I am really tired these days. Of the never-ending D I mean. I am desperate to be free of it. I keep trying everything to get H to settle. More on that in my thread. I am so much stronger than before, like who I am and what my life could be more, but I wake up every morning like a battery again. Desperate to be free.

I know what you will say. But I will stamp my foot and say, NO. I want to be free of this!

Hopefully I can yell at the moon a little later and will get an answer.

Hope you are well.... I will update my sitch in my thread soon. Could really use your insight on the job site for the cottage so please swing by next week.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
DnJ #2922080 08/03/21 01:36 AM
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Hello Gerda

I do remember the little island, and your yelling at the moon. And it�s nice to be thought of. blush

I feel for you my friend. I hope you will be free of your prolonged divorced proceedings soon, it�s been a quite slog.

I am doing quite well and am looking forward to reading your updates. If you need some insight on installing an air conditioner and duct work, it is on the tip of my tongue. I just repaired one over the weekend. Lol. A unit failed at work. Man was it hot! 36 C. Duct tape can fix just about anything. smile Even ducts.

The moon is not full until the 22nd. On a wee island you should be able to steal away and find some dark secluded place. The stars will be spectacular in such velvety blackness. The gentle lapping of waves upon the sandy beach a quiet backdrop to the silent Milky Way as it stretches across the heavens.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S23 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2922087 08/03/21 12:07 PM
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Hi DnJ,

I quickly wanted to add something about having strict values because this has been a topic on your thread recently.

DnJ, you are a person with very beautiful and strict values, but I can't imagine that your EXW didn't have these too.
If you have run a daycare and have always taken care of someone else's children, then you must have extremely beautiful values. You simply can't keep doing this for that long when you don't have these. This because it is one of the toughest jobs out there, both physically and mentally.

Her values simply disappeared with her MLC.

The reason I fell in love with my H in the first place was because of the strict, beautiful values he had. He has also completely lost them because of his MLC.


Me (43) H (42)
M:14 T:18, S17, S14 & S14
4/19 BD1 ILYB & OW1 til 2/20
8/20 Moves abroad for W,shows improvement
12/20 BD2 back in tunnel,OW2,wants divorce(no action)
6/21 improvement noticeable again
DnJ #2922103 08/03/21 08:31 PM
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But my point was, some people are artful chameleons who can "appear" better than they really are while they're following our lead, or in the case of narcissists, while it behooves them to appear that way. But the effort involved on their part to follow the rules and be a good person sometimes may be too much for them, when they really want, inside, to be selfish and, well, naricissistic. Not necessarily D's wife, who may have just had a mental breakdown and/or addiction, but definitely your husband Gerda.

DnJ #2922114 08/04/21 11:41 AM
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Good Morning

Yes Eagle, values are one of the first casualties. Long before bomb drop. And during the months and years leading up to the big moment of BD they are doing just as kml says, working on appearing better than they really are.

Some people are narcissistic and do follow kml�s husbands path, an artful chameleon. Others exhibit narcissistic traits. An MLCer, like XW, is sometimes dragged back to the time of their trauma(s). They actually live, and relive, these times. For XW, she is mostly a rebellious 18 year old. Tossed aside by her parents. She has money, and freedom. And an adolescent attitude which in itself is selfish and somewhat narcissistic.

Adolescence is trying enough when our kids go through it properly. Our spouse replaying it, is just horror. A spoiled rich brat is the usual outer facade that hides the inner turmoil.

For those who are true narcissists, oh yes, after years of pretending and living goodly, that effort becomes far too much. They break as well. Still, due to some long ago pressures. Something, some training or events, made them lean toward narcissism. Or not away from it depending on how one wants to look at it.

There is no doubt XW had a mental / emotional break. Narcissistic traits emerged. Ones either dredged up or well hidden over the many years. XW feels it�s the latter; she is finally living authentically. Of course one�s feelings feel secure, true, and forever. MLCers do not understand that feelings are fleeting. And they are reinforcing them like crazy with their running behaviours.

Speaking of running, I best get running, I�m going to be late. Lol.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S23 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2922205 08/08/21 05:07 PM
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Good Morning

I see I‘ve wandered around waxing philosophic on others threads again. Lol

This past week was so very busy at work with two more break downs of major equipment. My limited time was rather quickly re-allocated and much planned work had to be placed on hold for next week. I was so happy when Friday arrived. smile

My boss, even though he was on vacation, managed to mess things up. Oh what happens when one doesn’t communicate. Teams live and die with communication and he is providing none.

He has gotten himself in the middle of processes that are not his and confused quite a few other departments. In his absence these other departments have forwarded emails, written promises, from my boss which he has not delivered on. Emails which I was not included on, nor aware of. Emails showing his involvement in things that are supposed to be, and need to be, handled by me. I’ve not handled them. I’ve forwarded the mess back to him, and his boss.

The other bothersome item of last week. I had authorized four of my technicians to have vacation, not a problem. The problem, my boss scheduled three of the still working technicians for other tasks - without telling me! I had them scheduled for switching and clearing equipment, and then repairing some of that broken stuff. You know the reason we are here! But no, boss man set them up for some online meeting / training for trailer towing. Seriously, because their qualifications were lost in the system. Goodness me. It’s not like that 115 kV transformer’s On Load Tapchanger wasn’t working and therefore not providing proper voltage control to the downstream customers of the city it feeds. Sheesh!

My staff forwarded me their email, which clearly does not include me. But states that their supervisor had approved them taking the training. Their supervisor is me. I schedule the work and the staff of my work center. Well, I’m supposed to. My emails to boss and manger were very clear in illustrating the mess and the cause. (Note: It’s not my staff’s fault and I ensured they knew that. From their perspective they figured I knew about it; after all it stated such.)

I really hope my boss calms down and quits splashing around in the pool. Everyone flexes their new boss muscles upon a promotion. They splash around. For some it is a well intentioned attempt to make a difference. For others it is more a thrashing from lack of knowing what to do. Either makes a lot of waves and just gets a whole bunch of folks wet and angry. The former only lasts a short while followed by apologies, growth, gaining of knowledge, sincerity, and respect and trust. Yeah, I don’t got that guy. He really needs to learn when you find yourself in a hole, put down the shovel.

Anyhow, on Tuesday S22 called and he was coming to town to actually work in the office on Thursday. The business is located right here in my town, but most work from home. Since Covid restrictions are finally being relaxed, they are having a few days when everyone meets and collaborates face to face. S22 made plans to have supper together after work.

I barbaqued a yummy steak, mushroom, and potato supper. We played some arcade, and visited a bit. He had not been home for a long time.

The governmental threat of thousand of dollars of fines for seeing your own children or dying relatives or attending funerals or such has been long enough. So many blatantly obvious fear mongering tactics have been implemented by those with a polictical agenda. For quite some time it’s been about compliance and not science.

S22 was happy to be home. To walk through the hallways of where he grew up. To see and sense his roots. For over a year that was not allowed, and it has an effect. I waxed similar upon another’s thread - kids visiting home. Thanking their role model(s).

S22 left around 7:30 pm; he has a three hour drive home. He was stopping in to see his Mom. This was previously arranged with her, without a time scheduled. He plainly told her he was having supper with me and would see her after that.

He and I did talk about her and possible visits to his home. S22 doesn’t think she is interested in making the six hour journey. I asked if he would have her stay over and he said no. Ah, rights and privileges. He has a right to his privacy and to choose the company he keeps. I have been granted the privilege to visit and sleep over, mom no. Karma is all around us. Yet another thought I explored on a friend’s thread.

After my work day Friday, and thankful end to the week, I returned home to more blank messages on the answering machine. Those had stopped after XW’s wild u-turn / stalking scenario. However, I suspect she was stirred up from S22 visiting her the night before. Perhaps she listens to the greeting message, longing for that which she threw away. Oh man, that idea hurts. Darn empathy. Lol.

Yesterday I mowed the lawn making the “MLC grass” all neat and trimmed. MLC grass. Lol. A blast from the past for those of you who recall and have journeyed with me.

With grasshopper and many loops around my yard I though of yet another friend here and the many discussion we have had over the years.

Which brings me to now, sitting and enjoying a coffee.

I leave you with another favourite song which gets a lot of play during my washing the dishes time.

When I’m With You by Sheriff

Have a wonderful day.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S23 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2922222 08/09/21 06:03 PM
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Hey D. Gotta do mom and dad's lawn this week. Right now, I'm not up for anything near like it. Glad you got the visit with son. Sorry about the aggravation at work. How many days til retirement?


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

"True love travels on a gravel road."
DnJ #2922255 08/10/21 07:34 PM
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I have been wondering, with so many having issues with work now, whether healing from personal relationships gone awry, and the triggers associated with them, affect us in our work lives and relationships more generally. I know that I have lost the ability to deal with people who show certain traits (for example, conflict avoidance, control through silencing, blaming others for things one should own, and simply poor communication). I will no longer have anyone in my life who cannot communicate when they have a problem, say what it is, and say what, if anything, they want me to do about it. It must be hard to have to deal with ineptitude that is promoted above you. I'm very glad to be self-employed.

Happy your S22 was able to come home. Not surprised that he has a different set of rules for each of his parents though.

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