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DnJ #2921913 07/27/21 03:03 AM
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D - your wifes transformation was so rapid and severe. There really seems no explanation short of drug addiction or mental illness (mania perhaps). Looking back, is there nothing you question? Was that perfect wife perhaps taking diet pills? Did she have milder mood swings? Were any of the kids on ADHD meds she could have abused ? Few things that would result in this drastic a change outside of meth addiction (or other stimulant abuse) bipolar disorder with mania. A brain tumor or Huntingtons disease seems less likely as time passes.

Was she a perfectionist? Do you see narcissism in retrospect?

With my ex, I can look back and see the down periods that lasted about a month and were rare, interspersed in what I now see as his baseline hypomania. Hypomanic people are energetic and effective. It wasnt until he began to be just a little TOO up and slightly irrational in his forties that I began to question it. Now I can clearly see he has a shadow form of bipolar disorder.

I also now see how his underlying narcissism played a role throughout our marriage. So long as we all went along with what HE wanted to do, and we made him look good, things were fine.

DnJ #2921914 07/27/21 03:31 AM
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This made me think of Ophelia -- Act 4, sc 5, if you look on YT, the Helena Bonham-Carter one. It's so unbearably sad. Poor XW. Which is kind of amazing to say, considering my loyalty to DnJ and most especially to your wonderful daughter, just thinking of her tender teenage soul being brutalized like that.

Not that you didn't pull yourself and all your kids and your parents and ladies whose cars had broken down, etc., etc., through it all.

But it sure was terrible all that you had to live through.

And yet, reading this summary, the tragic character of XW, it's heart wrenching.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
DnJ #2921931 07/27/21 01:38 PM
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I may write some more about this on my own thread. But perhaps one thing that is lost here in the talk about MLC / additiction / mental health is some of the backstory that I hope I remember properly - feel free to correct me if I'm wrong D.

If I understand it correctly, when you married J it was in many ways a "rescue" from her seemingly abusive family (again trying not to judge that which I don't know). She married you against her parent's wishes and had little or no contact with them for quite a long time.

Again, there are echoes in my own story. My ex-wife's family while on the whole a decent enough sort was troubled. Her mother was a lovely woman but her father was a cheater and IMO her siblings were all jerks of the first water. On the other hand, they didn't like me either.

My XW told me once - and I don't know if it was before or after I found out about her affair - that she better person because of me. I suspect - but can never know - that the person she was for 25 years was in part a mask she was wearing. As people age, I believe, they become more and more the person that they "are" as being someone else, meeting the expectations of others is hard. Do they "like" the person that they currently "are"? No clue. Are they irrevocably changed? Probably. Are they irredeemably "lost"? That I can't really speak to as it involves things that are beyond my view and understanding and your's as well.

On the other hand she was horrified when I commented once that she was very like her father. I had meant it as a comment on how charming and out-going she was, but she apparently took it as being a liar and cheat like him.

I was also thinking on our old friend Westo who did reconcile with her husband after a couple of years. In that case her husband, while with the OW kept coming over to help around the house, kept paying the bills, kept that connection.

On the other hand, there's Irish's story where his ex has turned into a rather toxic person and seems set on that path. He's managing things with more dignity I think than many of us could manage.

We like to look for complex answers sometimes to life's challenges. But as William of Occam and his famous razor inform us, the simplest answers are often the ones to most likely be correct. The Wikipedia article on this is interesting reading.

Perhaps both of our ex-wives have striven to become the people that they were "mean to be". The paths they took were obscure to us both at first. Your wife's mania for exercise, mine seemingly trying to rediscover the "party girl" she was before we met. Again I'm not enough of a scholar and have too poor an understanding of the human condition to really know where they may end up.

My ex-wife is seemingly (again) a basic house-wife, hard worker and supporter to her partner - so perhaps she has again embraced that role she had when we were married, albeit with another partner. Your's seems from the limited information available, to be lost and still running.

If we are to believe the MLC canon as expressed here and on similar sites which may or may not be derivative from this one, there is a reconnection path. Will she find it, follow it, or even look for it? No clue. For mine, I am confident that she will never look for it.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
DnJ #2921967 07/29/21 05:56 AM
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in my case, the reconnection path is highly unlikely. he's somewhere between 2500 and 6k miles away bouncing between three states, married to his OW/AP. I' ve been cast in the role of his own father, whom he hasn't spoken to in years. Is it possible he would seek reconnection? anything's possible, but I'm not laying odds on it.

OTOH a friend of mine whose WAW bailed on him ten years ago tells me his ex has been coming around the past year or so and thrown a lot of hints she's open to reconciliation. He's not (so he says).


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

"True love travels on a gravel road."
DnJ #2921989 07/30/21 02:04 AM
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Hello All

Glad to see the forum is back up and running smoothly again.

Originally Posted by kml
Looking back, is there nothing you question? Was that a perfect wife perhaps taking diet pills? Did she have milder mood swings? Were any of the kids on ADHD meds she could have abused ? Few things that would result in this drastic a change outside of meth addiction (or other stimulant abuse) bipolar disorder with mania. A brain tumor or Huntington's disease seems less likely as time passes.

Was she a perfectionist? Do you see narcissism in retrospect?

I agree a brain tumour or some such seems pretty unlikely as it would have taken her out by now or brought up further symptoms and complications.

None of the kids take any medication. No ADHD medication or such around the house. Meth, crack, speed, etc, drugs that severely alter one's personality were equally not within reach. To the best of my knowledge she did not do drugs. With her quick exodus of mere hours I would have suspected to have found some hidden stashes if she had indeed been utilizing that vice.

I''ve been through almost every drawer, cupboard, trunk, storage tote, and such, and have found nothing negative. No love letters to OM. No love letters from OM. No pictures, nude or otherwise, of any affair partner. No phone records either. No booze. No drugs. No cigarettes. No evidence at all. She really came out of left field that night!

In fact, I've only found items that furthered our good marriage memories. An anniversary card and gift for me; our 27th anniversary was in four days after bomb drop. I discovered my 50th birthday present. Old love letters and such to me and from me. And so on and so on.

There was plenty of strange stuff as well. For example, eleven brooms, ranging from wore completely out to a couple brand new and still with the original packaging.

Her behaviour was strange. Extreme exercising. And, as I found out, her bike rides were over to OM's. It is possible that drugs and such were imbibed / taken there. That has never been confirmed and tithe kids have never seen evidence of her and drugs or even cigarettes or drinking. She is just lost and confused. Tossing her own offspring aside.

Her mood and personality is the big thing. She IS basically herself at 18. A worst version of herself from that time. I recognize her, for I knew her then. She recalls stuff from 30 years ago like it was yesterday. I suspect for her it kind of is.

That is her dominate personality. If she is pressured or stressed she falls to a girl around 13 years old. Continue pushing and she falls even further to a young girl of about 7. All of these girls have the mentality and emotional maturity of her from those times. The seven year old for example does math like a seven year old.

Interestingly, those ages - 7, 13, 18 - do line up with significant emotional trauma(s) during her life.

She was not a perfectionist; I'm more a perfectionist than she was. Lol.

Narcissism is also absent from her traits.

J raised four wonderful fantastic children. Lord knows she was a much better parent than I. And that is saying something (modesty set monetarily aside). She/We taught morals, values, kindness, compassion, etc. The children grew up healthy and happy.

Then around 18 months or so before the big bomb drop day, things started to go sideways for her. Extreme exercise. She burnt her own business to the ground. Restless. All quite obvious now when looking back and summating all the wee signs she was exhibiting. However, while living it, those signs pass by pretty unnoticed. And it is/was so out of character.

She ran a child care out of our house for years and years. We had something like 127 children grow up within these walls. She had such care. She was a fantastic caregiver.

I of course have looked back. I had a real good quarter century of marriage with her. I have no regrets having married J. We had an excellent relationship.

I've wondering and worried about rose coloured glasses. After four years the story remains. Me, kids, parents, friends, aunts, uncles, and so on all recall her and our marriage like I lived it. I, being so close, might not remove eyewear that tints towards the reddish hues, but others would have removed such long ago.

Originally Posted by Gerda
It's so unbearably sad. Poor XW. Which is kind of amazing to say, considering my loyalty to DnJ and most especially to your wonderful daughter, just thinking of her tender teenage soul being brutalized like that.

Not that you didn't pull yourself and all your kids and your parents and ladies whose cars had broken down, etc., etc., through it all.

But it sure was terrible all that you had to live through.

I admit I was quite happy and some other feelings with your comments of loyalty to me. Loyalty has a high, extremely high, value to me.

Yes XW�s life is going down a path that is quite sad. She is all kinds of mixed up.

It was terrible to live through, and looking back I�m not sure I'd change it if I could. I think you know what I mean, and most likely have a similar view and belief.

By the way, I'm pretty darn loyal to you too.


Originally Posted by AndrewP
If I understand it correctly, when you married J it was in many ways a "rescue" from her seemingly abusive family (again trying not to judge that which I don't know). She married you against her parent's wishes and had little or no contact with them for quite a long time.

It wasn't so much a rescue, more she ran away from her neglectful parents. In many ways her family life did look abusive. However, I never saw myself as rescuing her, nor her quite as a damsel in distress. She did move in rather suddenly; although having no other gal ever moving in with me, my data set for comparative analysis was nil back when I was 20. Now, my data set has one point. Lol.

For sure her parents did not approve of me, nor her leaving. They threw her away after she left. They had nothing to do with her and therefore we had nothing to do with them.

There was a wee reconciliation during the time of our wedding. A burying of the hatchet due to my influence and reaching out. Her parents kind of tried. They are just controlling, demanding, and jump to ultimatums almost immediately when things don't go their way.

That tenuous relationship post our marriage didn't last long. The straw that broke it - her Mom demanded we rename our dog. She didn't like our dog's name. If we changed it, all was ok. Otherwise never speak to me again. We chose the latter. With her parents, it was walking on eggshells or pretzeling ourselves all the time. Mostly with her Mom.

It is true that no one knows how these lost souls will traverse their lives. Reconcile, frolic with the unicorns and fairies, sink into depression and become bitter at the world, or some other path. Currently, XW appears to be lost and running; and not overly happy with her life. My reference for comparison is, well, me.


Originally Posted by bttrfly
in my case, the reconnection path is highly unlikely. he's somewhere between 2500 and 6k miles away bouncing between three states, married to his OW/AP. I' ve been cast in the role of his own father, whom he hasn't spoken to in years. Is it possible he would seek reconnection? anything's possible, but I'm not laying odds on it.

OTOH a friend of mine whose WAW bailed on him ten years ago tells me his ex has been coming around the past year or so and thrown a lot of hints she's open to reconciliation. He's not (so he says).

I'm of two minds on this. I do think that reconciliation for these crisis folks is unlikely. And that given enough time reconciliation, or more precisely turning back towards their spouse, become likely.

Those two ideas are not as dissimilar as they first appear - unlikely and likely. It's a matter of time. These people are lost and hurting. Given enough time they will heal. Of course the problem is time. For some that are so damaged enough time just doesn't remain for them.

For those that can turn around and awaken. There is only a percentage that will. Awakening and facing the music is a difficult path and some will just live their life as it now is.

For those that can awaken and do look back - who do they find? Time heals and alters. Many LBS move forward and onward with their own lives. Divorce is so common in these situations. It is completely understandable for the LBS, after some time, to engage in a new relationship. The LBS also requires time to let go their anger and find forgiveness.

Time. More time makes awakening more likely. While it makes reconciliation less likely. 10 years and your friend's ex is starting to come around, but he is not.

MLC is a horrible thing. Even in its rare healing, one wakes to a world that�s passed them by. It breaks one's heart.

All we can do is live our beliefs. Letting the chips fall where they will. We control so very little when it is all realized.


For me I have peace and contentment. I embrace those happy memories of a marriage now gone. And I let go the frustrating times of this MLC situation.

Love to you all.

D

Last edited by job; 07/31/21 08:39 PM. Reason: removed weird lettering within the post.

Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S23 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2922025 07/31/21 03:26 PM
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Originally Posted by DnJ
In fact, I've only found items that furthered our good marriage memories. An anniversary card and gift for me; our 27th anniversary was in four days after bomb drop. I discovered my 50th birthday present. Old love letters and such to me and from me. And so on and so on.
Similarly for me. If it wasn't for the fact that she was bragging to her friends using FB Messenger on the shared family computer it would have taken me longer to find out about her affair. But there certainly were consistent expressions of affection pretty much up until bomb-day which was about a month before my discovery of OM who had been in the picture for nearly 6-8 months I think at that point.

Originally Posted by DnJ
And, as I found out, her bike rides were over to OM�s.
Long walks in the park here. She would drive the hour up to see OM instead. Some walks were legitimate I'm sure because her fitness level did improve and she would often be out walking around the village with friends or by herself.

Originally Posted by DnJ
Her mood and personality is the big thing. She IS basically herself at 18.
Some friends of mine pointed out that my XW was acting like a spoiled child. From things that job wrote to me at the time while I was trying to understand the concept of "MLC" - regarding their partner as an authority figure to rebel against.

Originally Posted by DnJ
Narcissism is also absent from her traits.
Not the case here.

Originally Posted by DnJ
Then around 18 months or so before the big bomb drop day, things started to go sideways for her. Extreme exercise. She burnt her own business to the ground. Restless. All quite obvious now when looking back and summating all the wee signs she was exhibiting. However, while living it, those signs pass by pretty unnoticed. And it is/was so out of character.
Similar again. She destroyed her relationship with the youth volunteer group that was so much part of her identity. Lots of anger at everyone and everything. Heavy drinking which was out of character. I put it down to menopause. No clue if I was right or not - the results stay the same.

Originally Posted by DnJ
I've wondering and worried about rose coloured glasses. After four years the story remains. Me, kids, parents, friends, aunts, uncles, and so on all recall her and our marriage like I lived it. I, being so close, might not remove eyewear that tints towards the reddish hues, but others would have removed such long ago.
Not quite the same here, but still from outside and from my view on the inside, a good strong marriage built on a strong foundation. For me, I choose to believe my version of the history. There's no harm in that and certainly a lot of good.

Originally Posted by DnJ
I admit I was quite happy and some other feelings with your comments of loyalty to me. Loyalty has a high, extremely high, value to me.
Read Don Quixote yet? crazy Loyalty, Duty, Honour.

Last edited by job; 07/31/21 08:32 PM. Reason: removed weird lettering within the post.

On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
DnJ #2922030 07/31/21 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
Loyalty, Duty, Honour.
The building blocks of respect and trust.

A few of the currencies of life and relationships. There are those that are bankrupt; their accounts now empty.

Just one of my tenets I realize I�ve strengthened even more after living through all this.

I spoke a bit about my work week on your thread. I�m currently on standby duties. The technician I spoke about was supposed to be, but he cannot so I took over. I did have plans to see S24 and S22, I�ve got a delivery to make to each of them. Oh well, maybe next weekend.

The respect from people at work is becoming extremely evident. I�m a consistent guy who displays equanimity. That is a stark contrast to my boss. I haven�t spoke about him for some time here. He is behaving, leading, saying, directing, as I/we suspected.

An example. Our manger, my boss�s boss, delivered a document stating expectation for work. It was 16 items that honestly we learnt on our first day, or probably kindergarten. Sheesh. One of those items was that the workday hours are 8:00 to 16:30, and it gave our defined break times. All of my guys follow this, follow all the expectations. The front office staff follows it as well. The person breaking the rules - you guessed it, my boss.

Over the last few weeks since the expectation document everyone has noticed that he leaves early every day. His �do as I say and not as I do� demeanour is so in your face. Disingenuous. Unethical. Corrupt. Fraudulent. And on it goes.

Anyhow, back to my example. So yesterday, the Friday before the long weekend, after that week of three outages and many other problems that require the obligatory paperwork follow up, boss man wants to leave early. Like 3:00pm early.

We were having a problem at a station and I was still behind on the reports to the upper management, making arrangements for taking over standby, next weeks schedule, and a few other items that were going to just have to be left until next week. I needed approval for overtime for the addressing the present station problem. The problem is due to an outside contractor and not from my staff or within my realm to fix, otherwise I�d not be bothering him. Well, he isn�t happy about spending money on overtime. (He has no problem stealing time/money by leaving early though. smile )

After I left his office, the front office staff come back and let me know he called someone and was swearing and yelling. Oh boy, not the proper behaviour for the office. But that is his natural state. He is a bull in a china shop. And a belligerent one at that.

Anyhow, a few more discussion with him. He comes back to my office where I am a few of the guys are finishing their paperwork and filling in test sheets and such. Well, he is off. What?!? Not even trying to sneak away now. Time 3:45 pm. He then tells all that he is in vacation next week and has no problem if they go home early on the long weekend. (This is the first I hear he will not even be at work next week. Goodness, even more reason to work the full day and get those reports in.)

I stare aghast. My technicians actually tell him they are putting in test sheets and such; and will stay and be finishing their work. He tells me I can go home early. I ask how? We still have this problem. The outage reports that HIS boss�s boss and their boss is waiting for is still not submitted. And in truth that report actually falls to him. It is his responsibility to ensure it gets done.

So he leaves, again, early. Everyone discusses him. Lol. They all bring up the expectations and how he is not leading by example. Not even close! Of course my being overlooked for that position is again highlighted and stated by several. Lol. Hey, I didn�t hire him.

No one leaves early! They all choose, and actually told me, they are following my example. They respect me and not the boss. Oh boy, what a bubbling cauldron of collective emotions towards him. Yikes, that could get out of hand. I praise and thank them and remind them all that they work directly for me. I am their buffer and not to let his actions get under their skin. When you go home and you look in the mirror, and you can look in that guy�s eyes knowing you did a good days work and earned your pay check - that is all I ask for. Do right by you. Respect is earned that way.

It is pretty obvious he is trying to get people to do similar. We aren�t taking the bait. It�s a slippery slope once you start to behave with less ethics. And he gets dirt on you that can be used against you later. Hey, DnJ remember when you left early, you can probably stay late and not put in for it. Or some such. Not going to happen!!! None of my guys or others around here are going down that path.

Over the next 30 minutes we all finish up. My station problem is not resolved. The report is submitted. Next weeks schedule is crafted. The schedule required serious altering due to a 66 kV breaker failure. One would think that would be the kind of thing one might consider important enough to actually work the entire work day like your suppose too.

Another item that is lost upon a boss that never works the entire full days hours. He is not available. I am always at work right until, and usually passed, quitting time. People with a personal problem or something they want/need to discuss privately come to see you once the office is empty. No one come to see my boss. Of course he ain�t there. And his behaviour is not that of one you would want to confide to.

I know the guidance and example I display. There are huge dividends from such a path.

Who knows. Maybe I�ll rub off on my boss. Haha.



Wow. That just typed itself. All from loyalty.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S23 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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DnJ #2922036 08/01/21 05:21 AM
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Wow. I can�t help but imagine that the guys under you are mad that you were passed over for that promotion for this jerk.

But your post also made me think of something. You�re a man of strict values. So am I - scrupulously honest. But my ex was not. I think it was always a bit of an uncomfortable stretch for my ex, to live with someone whose values were so solid. I don�t know what his new wife is like in this regard, but I can only imagine he�s bending a lot more rules now that he doesn�t have me as his conscience.

Do you suspect that maybe your wife also was uncomfortable living up to you? Not like we made ourselves out to be better - I never did. But if you�re married to an inherently good person, and you�re hiding a part of yourself that isn�t so honorable - well, it might get uncomfortable looking in that mirror. Maybe so uncomfortable that eventually they need to affair down to someone who makes them feel like their dishonorable impulses are �no big deal, everybody does it�.

DnJ #2922037 08/01/21 12:12 PM
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^^^this. as usual kml has me thinking ... yes, I can say now in hindsight that probably was the case with my exh. he certainly hasn't been living up to that since we parted. in fact, quite the opposite.and judging from the only communication i've ever had with AP/OW/aka 2.0, he's absolutely affaired and married down.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

"True love travels on a gravel road."
DnJ #2922040 08/01/21 03:04 PM
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Good Morning kml and bttrfly

I have often wondered where the truth lay. XW on the night of her exodus exclaimed she was finally living authentically. She stated, perhaps not exactly proudly and maybe more exaltedly, that she is/was a cheater. Along with the burned in words of �I�ll always be a cheater in your eyes�.

Scrupulously honest. Strict values. There are times I �feel� the weight of such convictions. I live and love my life. I�m good with my singleness. Sure I�d prefer to have someone special. However, it�s the weight of others that crushes.

I�ve always hated cheating! I�m also that perfectionist guy I spoke of during our last talk. I never cheated on tests or exams. My four years of apprenticeship had much schooling and the requisite exams. I shot for and achieve 100%. With no word of a lie, I was the only person who did not cheat from the previous year�s test papers. Everything was earned and therefore learned. Something that has served me very well for my 32 year career.

I see lying as the gateway to cheating, fraud, and further immoral and illegal behaviours. But how white a lie is ok? Notice the usage of the word but. See how that attempts to justify the behaviour. That clouds things. It is simply, how white a lie is ok? But, I digress. Lol. smile

Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and so on. As well as fables and fictional stories. All ok. Their purpose is not nefarious. I suppose that is the key, the underlying purpose of the action. Pretty good reasoning for kids and the stories that help them grow and learn. Does it apply to more grown up endeavours if our intentions are good? The road paved by good intentions leads where again?

For most adult things no one can see all ends. Regardless of how good intentions one may have they cannot with complete certainty know the outcome. Being truthful seems the best course. It is also rather easy to remember, instead of a head full of tales and make-believe fake memories one has to keep alive. Something that is pretty easy to suss out during incident investigations. Anything built upon lies falls easily.

That bring me back to XW. Was she uncomfortable living next to me? I don�t know. Probably. I�ve been outcasted and shunned over the years for being me. Imagine how popular I was turning down the last year�s test paper while everyone else was taking a photocopy. And then on top of that I�d turn in an answer key from my own work.

However, respect is earned. And years later many of those same people do respect me and my word commands a great deal of attention. Recall the evidence hearings and my testimony over the drunk and improper ethics of 50 or so workers that ended some careers. DnJ was taken as gospel. Of course, substantiated with physical evidence, yet taken as truth nonetheless.

I�ve tried various things over the years. And in trying of course failed. Lol. I tried to play down. Tried to fit in more. I just can�t� nope that�s not accurate. I just won�t lay down. And believe me, I see the non-reconciliation of such a strict view melded into my beliefs and understanding of the middle of the road. Just because I can see and understand many points of view, see them as valid, does not equate to I am living them.

I therefore believe, or at least like to believe, that I�m easy to live with. However, maybe after years of my leading and living by example it gets too much.

XW�s parting words would seem to acknowledge that. However, she actually didn�t really fully blame me. There just isn�t much dirt on me.

I�ve no doubt that she felt what she said at the time was the truth. Her truth. Like all of us, we see through our own lens. She felt her actions were necessary and probably justified, at the time as well.

I�ve little doubt she needed to affair down. She was, and presumable still is, in a world of hurt and found someone worse to make her feel better about herself. Irrational behaviour at its fullest right there.

I remember XW so ecstatic that OM and OM�s son let her get away with anything. She was so happy about that.

OM is an emotional broken person. Very low morals. XW is the second wife he stole from a family and marriage. He is not handsome, nor very bright. One may think he is somewhat a predator. The truth may be he is more the prey, with XW using him. All this quite unrealized by both parties. They are just following irrational emotions and making grand decisions based upon how they feel.

Dishonourable impulses. We all have them. We all don�t act upon them. XW, your husbands (kml and bttrfly), did act upon their feelings. Irrational feelings dredged up from a long past buried and never reconciled traumatic event(s).

And for those reading along - XW would have left regardless of how I acted or behaved. Pretzeling doesn�t work. Your spouse�s actions have little to nothing to do with you. My values just sped up the process is all, they didn�t cause it. And boy, was it on the fast track. Now that kind of says something rather good about me I figure.

I do love these Sunday reflections we get involved in.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S23 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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