Here Comes The Sun

[bttrfly]

I believe that what is mine should go to my direct descendants, not a partner.

I believe that at our age, potential partners should have enough going on so that they don't need my assets.

I do not believe in bypassing my son or potential grandkids for some new person. I've seen what step parents can do to assets and families first hand with my dad's family. Not letting that happen here.

[Dawn70]

Hey moderators - Job? - I can access the forums still through my phone but when I try to log in on my computer it times out. Might want to investigate that glitch.

I have been having this problem for nearly a week but on both phone and computer. Today is the first day I've actually been able to log in and comment. Last week my ability to do so was very hit or miss and mostly miss as about 99.9% of attempts to log in timed out. But yay....I'm in now so I'm going to comment up a storm while I have the chance. LOL

[Cadet]

Hey moderators - Job? - I can access the forums still through my phone but when I try to log in on my computer it times out. Might want to investigate that glitch.

I have been having this problem for nearly a week but on both phone and computer. Today is the first day I've actually been able to log in and comment. Last week my ability to do so was very hit or miss and mostly miss as about 99.9% of attempts to log in timed out. But yay....I'm in now so I'm going to comment up a storm while I have the chance. LOL

The update is FINALLY complete - hopefully the problems are behind us, oh and we have a new "LIKE" button.

[kml]

Well CMM has had his Covid booster shot! The timing has been great since he'd been off his chemo for a week due to low platelets, and although they are coming up, they're not high enough to go back on chemo this week, so it was kind of the ideal window to get the booster. (His previous two shots were during heavy duty chemo and he doesn't test positive for the antibodies, so he's the ideal candidate for the booster shot.) Hopefully his immune system will mount a better immune response this time.

[Traveler]

kml, with you as a partner, CMM is definitely up on his vaccinations, lol. Glad he's having a good week. Low platelets isn't awesome, but no "coming up" and a week without chemo sounds nice.

[Eagle3]

Hi kml, I had some questions for you but could not login for a long time.

So hopefully I’m not too direct now, don’t have much time and therefore pretty straightforward, my apologies.

Your EXH has narcistic behavior (or is an actual narcist in all the meaning of the word) as I could understand, and on top of that he had MLC.

When you decided to not take him back, did he ever tried to come back then?

Do you think his MLC is over now?

[kml]

My ex had an affair about 16 years into our marriage. I DB'd like mad and we reconciled, and I would have said our marriage was really good for several years. Our kids were teens/preteens at the time.

However once he started to approach 50 he went off the rails again and we divorced after 24 years. I think MLC was a major component (he always had a fear of death and dying and aging) but to be honest, I have since realized he's also a narcissist and was probably also unfaithful more than I knew in the relationship. He's never tried to come back once he finally left but I also wouldn't have him back on a silver platter. I have peace in my heart that I did everything possible to save my marriage, and that I was a good wife. His issues of being incapable of being satisfied even when he had a really great life are his issues, not mine. His behavior towards our adult children in the years after our divorce have confirmed to me his narcissism. And as much as I felt it was important to keep our marriage together while the kids were still home, they tell me now they were always waiting for the other shoe to drop after his affair.

As for whether he's still in MLC - I can't honestly say. He remarried to an Asian woman 19 years younger than him (surfer trophy wife in our community). He seemed to spend a lot of time socializing with her 30-something friends, going to their weddings, doing shots of liquor (which was so weird to see as I never really saw my ex drink more than two beers, and usually only one). He's gotten a tattoo and started wearing slightly more stylish clothes. Honestly it does look like he's really trying to appear young and hip enough to keep the young wife. Still, life has had some difficulties for them (her parents died, his father got lung cancer, his mother's husband died and she has parkinson's, ex had to have back surgery the day he retired and had terrible nerve pain for quite some time after requiring a second unsuccessful surgery, and also had to have shoulder surgery). I don't wish her any ill, she wasn't an affair partner (thank god) and she's got the older, balder, creepier version of the guy I was married to.

I'm happy for my kids' sake that he's married and stable, not dating a new person every month like some. She is nice enough to my kids and they don't mind her. I hope she will care for him in his old age so my kids don't have to.

Honestly, once I truly let go, I soon found it was so NICE not walking on eggshells around him all the time and having to be responsible for his happiness.

[97Hope]

My ex had an affair about 16 years into our marriage. I DB'd like mad and we reconciled, and I would have said our marriage was really good for several years. Our kids were teens/preteens at the time.

However once he started to approach 50 he went off the rails again and we divorced after 24 years. I think MLC was a major component (he always had a fear of death and dying and aging) but to be honest, I have since realized he's also a narcissist and was probably also unfaithful more than I knew in the relationship....

It's so crazy how similar our stories are. Mine did this too...we reconciled in 2007, remarried and then 2nd BD in 2017. He was 43 when it started again, most likely MLC, I started seeing changes in him in 2016 and he said I was crazy.

I have peace in my heart that I did everything possible to save my marriage, and that I was a good wife. His issues of being incapable of being satisfied even when he had a really great life are his issues, not mine. His behavior towards our adult children in the years after our divorce have confirmed to me his narcissism. And as much as I felt it was important to keep our marriage together while the kids were still home, they tell me now they were always waiting for the other shoe to drop after his affair.

YES!! Their issues not yours! (or mine). My adult kids are all seeing it for themselves and slowly began talking about all the stuff they saw while XH and I were together.

......she's got the older, balder, creepier version of the guy I was married to.

Same.

Honestly, once I truly let go, I soon found it was so NICE not walking on eggshells around him all the time and having to be responsible for his happiness.

I have said this too. I realized when I went to a party for the first time without him, I was so RELIEVED not to have to wonder which girl he would be inappropriate with. Gross.

[Eagle3]

Thank you kml!

[kml]

Re: my ex, and gaslighting:

Was cleaning out my inbox last week. I started with the oldest emails and those include emails from just before and during our divorce. I read a few of them and boy, was my ex the king of gaslighting. Honestly, if an outsider read them, they would think “oh, what a thoughtful guy, he’s being so nice about everything”. But knowing him and how he works, it’s all for show. Plausible deniability. Sticking the knife in your back while convincing the rest of the world that he’s such a nice guy. Ugh. It was a good reminder. Thankfully, right now there’s zero reason for him to contact me or vice versa, which is how I like it.